Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

Oh but the 1920s is fabulous! I love the style of that era. I would love to go back to that time. As long as I was rich. I think it will be fun. I hope they have the music for the 20s too!

Set a goal for the evening? You're clearly professional, so set yourself a few tasks?

• say hi to at least 2 direct reports and note whether they appear to be loving it or are also gritting their teeth: ask where they would rather be that evening
• scope out any potential people who are looking for a mentor and why: is your team good at this or is it a new idea to them
• say hi to your new boss and thank him for the invitation: ask if they did the same thing last year and what the theme was.

Plan a nonalcoholic drink that you won't knock back in one - Heineken 0% quite good.

Consider medication like betablockers if the anxiety is really bad...

@Diditopknot Can you bring a plus one?

All clothing suggestions are great BUT I will end up looking like Nessa of of Gavin & Stacey in all of these things.

Cracking.

Oh Christ I would actually normally love dressing up 1920s style and partying but absolutely not with my work colleagues (and I do like them). I would suck it up and go though OP- are you worried about finding an outfit to suit your figure? Perhaps MN can help

I would go for a glam fortune teller look, seances were de rigueur in the 20s! Could do a sort of gauzy dressing gown, scarves, eyeliner etc. Something like this maybe?? www.etsy.com/listing/663511397/zandra-rhodes-red-gold-beaded-dress?ref=share_v4_lx

It's totally doable. I recently had to do an 80s fancy dress and was as mortified as you at the prospect. Definitely wear your core outfit as something you would normally wear and just add relevant accessories. I wore a typical-for-me black dress, got a hat and floaty scarf off ebay and backcombed my hair. I quite liked it in the end!

Wide leg trousers are a fine option if you don’t fancy a dress.

Congrats on the job.

Throw yourself into the event. Do things differently, just for this one night. You don't have to do things to same old way forever!

You sound amazing!
Get this done in the way you’ve described above, it may well be less excruciating than you fear.
Then set about designing your throne and tiara.
Some time after that, befriend whoever organises these dos and get the arrangements for next year sorted.
P.s. are there any other jobs going?!

Sorry I meant to link a different picture, I think things with a natural waist are more flattering than some of the 1920s shapeless sack thing www.etsy.com/listing/821784092/v1627-vogue-1627-sewing-pattern-designer?ref=share_v4_lx

The other thing to remember is that if you go and you wear a version of the theme you will blend in far more than if you don't. Smile, chat for a bit. They know very little about you and you know very little about them so that should be relatively okay. The meal is easy....talk about the food. You may find you meet a like minded soul and have a lovely time. If its awful then half an hour after the meal has ended you can quietly leave. The following day you just say what a lovely time you had.

I would go to the meeting, be enthusiastic about the evening, then have a headache and be really regretful at being unable to go to the dinner.

Dressing up and large group socialising is my worst nightmare. I’ve never been to a Christmas do or work dinner and I have got on just fine with my career.

So many people hate this sort of thing, wish it wasn’t part of work life.

I am overweight and bought an amazing sequin bomber jacket off marks, autograph I wore it to our Christmas Dinner and had more complements than at any other occasion. It might be in the sale. Black trousers and the aforementioned feather boa.

I have social anxiety but like dressing up because I can be someone else, someone who isn’t petrified that someone will talk to me or that I will make a fool of myself. It’s a disguise, I can play whatever character I want to be!
(If I do go out I’m often completely overdressed )

Congratulations on your new job!

Holy shit! Books my nipples are down to my knees love! I’d look a fucking sight in that pink number!

@Diditopknot

All clothing suggestions are great BUT I will end up looking like Nessa of of Gavin & Stacey in all of these things.

Cracking.

Even better!

I used to have social anxiety. I have now realised that no one is thinking of you or what you look like. Everyone is thinking of Covid, their jobs, the fights they had with their partners, how their DC are doing badly in school... and so on. Literally no one is thinking of you.

@SufferingJet

There are quite a few characters in Gatenby, including a car mechanic! Boiler suit, dirty face. Done!

Or you could go as a cocktail even which would mean you could wear any colour you wanted. Red top = cherry, gold or cream trousers = champagne, etc. They drank Mint Juleps in The Great Gatsby so something green would fit the bill.

I bought a really nice flapper dress off eBay for about £20, I was amazed how good quality it was and it was really flattering (I hate dresses!)

To be honest you only need to show up for dinner and one drink at the bar in my view then you can fuck off to your room (this is me completely) I had dress up etc overweight but its not that i just feel like i am crawling out of my skin with the whole loads of socialising and in a get up. I would go with wear black couple of sets of long necklaces sparkly little black bag and if you are feeling brave a headressy thing ala 20s - you only need give a nod to it

I totally u dearth d the pressure this may put on you. I agree with props being your friend here. I would also maybe have some conversation starters written in your purse as this is normally where I find anxiety creeping in in these types of work networking things. Maybe listen to some Agatha Christie short stories on audible to help you get in the mood too? Good luck and congratulations on grabbing opportunity and pushing it!

Channel your inner Nessa!

Seriously, you will not be alone in being an introvert in that space, there are plenty of us about. So seek out your kindred spirits and go with some honesty about how much this is not your normal!

Oh yes, fake cigarette holder off Amazon is useful to keep your hands busy and less unflattering than wearing feathers on your head.

Go as Poirot and ham it up. Three piece suit, cravat, slick your hair back. draw on a curly moustache with eye liner