Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

@Diditopknot

All clothing suggestions are great BUT I will end up looking like Nessa of of Gavin & Stacey in all of these things.

Cracking.

Loving this image ^^ Wear something long and dark that you're reasonably confident in. Add pearls and long gloves.

I have DC who loathe dressing up (sensible children) and who for years flatly refused to wear a costume for any school play / themed day. Then one year a new TA just matter of factly said "it's no different to wearing PE kit for running, or an overall for science. It's just the kind of uniform you wear for being in the play." And after that DC were fine - threw on a costume, did the play, ripped it off again

So I recommend you try and think of it as the "uniform" for that work activity, and then maybe it won't feel as bad?

Get your hair and make up done so that regardless of your outfit you will look amazing

Or you could do the oh-so-apologetic 'I ordered my costume online and it hasn't turned up - woe is me ...'

I would look to Molly Brown in the Titanic movie for inspiration. Perhaps Get yourself an black sequined evening gown that makes you feel great and add some jewelry and a hairpiece that are 1920s inspired.

You also have to do the thing that has been mentioned on lots of threads about anxiety on mumsnet.
Instead of approaching the doors and thinking oh god I hope it's okay I hope they like me. Nope think ,instead, I wonder who I will meet and I wonder if I will like them. It makes a huge difference.

You will be amazing. Nobody likes a show off at a company do , they like someone just like you.

@Diditopknot

Holy shit! Books my nipples are down to my knees love! I’d look a fucking sight in that pink number!

😂 How about some 1940s era corsetry!! Lol my lovable (and flat chested) mom would recommend "a little tank top for underneath" you could always say you misread the invite and show up in depression era wool up to your nose!

California I am the new shiny thing amongst an established workforce.
I do t think that there’s any more than 10/15 of them so I will be on their radar.

It’s honestly a really decadent thing for me, never been in this world before!
Pffft.

Also, can anyone advise how to keep the filthy swearing in my mouth and head and to not allow it to spew forth as it does in current job as obviously I’m going to have to now be fancy in my tiara in my posh job…!

@Blossom64265

I would look to Molly Brown in the Titanic movie for inspiration. Perhaps Get yourself an black sequined evening gown that makes you feel great and add some jewelry and a hairpiece that are 1920s inspired.

Sincerely though I think this is a great idea!

Black cocktail length tent. Long string of beads. Done.

Noiw all you have to do is work out which of the new colleagues look how you feel, go and sit next to them and say "Lets not talk. We'll take it in turns to occasionally nod at each other"

You could drive, rather than going by train. That way you have more control over when you leave.
It would be my idea of hell too. However, you're starting completely fresh, you don't know these people and they don't know you.I find it much easier to 'fake it until I make it' with strangers.

It would be very unfortunate indeed if you needed a PCR test the same day as the event and couldn't go 😬

Only joking of course. Go and have a fab time!

I think trousers and a blouse might help you feel more comfortable (unless you tend to wear dresses?). Wide leg trousers and very 1920s.

Just a black very casual comfortable dress will do, then some cheap long gloves, a feather bower or some beads and possibly a headband. Just accessories. Don't go out all glammed up. I bet that most won't be bothered with that either.

Sounds amazing. I’m ex NHS too. Can I have a job 👀😂

Congrats on your fab new job @Diditopknot
I absolutely can't stand fancy dress but this isn't too bad a theme. 60s / 70s / 80s would be far worse IMHO.
Given it's their big do, I would start on a positive and enthusiastic foot. Get a dress that you're comfy in, pearls, headband or comb with all the bling and then try and enjoy it.
I don't like to drink at work events either - soda water and lime used to pass for a gin and tonic but tbh I used to just say it's not really my cup of gin and move on.
I like @AngelinaFibres advice about thinking differently before you go in. Also don't be afraid to be honest and say you're feeling a bit nervous, a new job, fancy dress and all out of practice socialising after lockdowns and restrictions!
Good luck.

@scaredsadandstuck

I think trousers and a blouse might help you feel more comfortable (unless you tend to wear dresses?). Wide leg trousers and very 1920s.

I love these. You might even get some use out of them.

There are lots of ideas if you google "1920s plump size" women/clothing etc.

No feathers need feature.

Size 16 for £10

I wouldn't go. You have the perfect excuse as a new starter with short notice of the event - you already have important evening plans that can't be changed, but you are free for the day time work meetings of course.

@Diditopknot

California I am the new shiny thing amongst an established workforce. I do t think that there’s any more than 10/15 of them so I will be on their radar.

It’s honestly a really decadent thing for me, never been in this world before!
Pffft.

Also, can anyone advise how to keep the filthy swearing in my mouth and head and to not allow it to spew forth as it does in current job as obviously I’m going to have to now be fancy in my tiara in my posh job…!

My knee jerk reaction was to fake illness but reading your posts makes me think you will fucking rock it!

Black dress and put some fake pearls around your neck and your done .
Grit your teeth for a few hours and then get an early night

I’d go as a gangster type and not a moll. Wear a hat at a jaunty angle, shirt and trousers if that’s what you’re more comfortable in. Well done on your new job!

@Diditopknot

Nessa is cool!

I guess I'm slightly different to you, in that inUSED t enjoy parties/dressing up/drinking etc

But now I don't. I've worked for & by myself for a long time, I'm over 50, fat & have health issues & now I totally understand where you're coming from.

However, you have a brilliant new job & I think you have to make yourself change!!

I get the overweight/dressing up shit BUT just push on through. Order something that'll fit & you'll be as comfortable in as possible.

It's unfortunate you don't drink as I find a very generous rum helps a LOT!!

You have a fabulous opportunity with this job, just do your best in an uncomfortable situation!!

TRY to even enjoy yourself

Possibly difficult without alcohol, BUT you're less likely to make an idiot of yourself!!!

I don't think this is optional tbh.

Congratulations on the fab job Op.
Sometimes in life we just have to grit our teeth and get it (whatever 'it' is) over with. And just remember - people are more concerned with themselves than you.
By the way, I love Nessa - channel her and you'll have a cracking evening 😂