Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

Alcohol. Something to relax you like rescue remedy. Network and see it as part of work.

Wear a suit if you don't feel like going flapper

@Rrrob

My idea of hell too but I think you need to go. I have someone in my team who makes excuses for all of these things and it’s really frustrating.

Maybe your workplace should stop organising such things then. Remember that fun-with-workmates might be fine for some people but when it becomes expected then it's basically unpaid overtime and management shouldn't complain if employees would rather not do unpaid overtime.

I think just go wild, buy a bobbed wig and outfit and go for it.

If you’re old you haven’t got much to lose except your dignity.

I was going to say, dapper gentlemen’s suit, bow tie, low heels. Arrive at 7pm, go to loo at 7.10pm and run back to your hotel bedroom.

What lunatic decided this was a good idea for a work’s do anyway, are you sure this is a dream job OP?

I am 50. I had to go to a Gatsby do a couple of years ago. Dressing up is not really my thing but I did the bare minimum, black dress, long string of pearls, beaded headband and gloves. Removed the headband about 10 minuties into the party.

Grit your teeth and just go for a couple of hours, then start 'feeling unwell' and retire.

Have you considered getting counselling? If this is the type of company you are now working for, this probably won't be a one off...

I like a night out. I’m fairly social. I would HATE this. And I would doubly hate it if I was new to the company. I think you have to remember- at least 75 per cent of all attending are strapping on grins and bearing it. Of those, some will jst drink too much and may embarrass themselves (prob what I d do) or making plans on how long they have to stay.

What I’m trying to say is - you won’t be alone. And it’s not down to your social anxiety. These things are jst crap.

Yes I was going to say what @scaredsadandstuck said - being new makes the small talk easier as you can ask people basic questions.

I’m sure you can do it, you just need to get through the dinner then you can make your excuses and relax in your hotel room.

However, if it’s really beyond you, and your day-to-day role doesn’t require anything like this - just own it. I’ve really noticed how much more normalised it is becoming to talk about mental health in the workplace. It’s perfectly ok to say “sorry I get very anxious at large events, it’s better fo me to sit this out”.

One of my team hates this kind of social stuff - she’s an absolute star in the workplace but can’t deal with pub trips etc. It’s not a big deal - I just make sure we do some things she is comfortable with (eg we schedule coffee breaks in the office so people can chat informally without it being a big deal) and let her opt out if anything that’s really out of her comfort zone.

I had to do similar once. Like you, I am the introvert of introverts, my idea of heaven is a lighthouse with no boat, and I own 3 pairs of jeans and 1 dress. But it was work, and there was training during the day, and it was a necessary evil like a driving test is to get you on the road.
It was nothing like as bad as I expected, and I wasn't the only one there well out of my comfort zone.
And congratulations on the job!

Covid?

It doesn't have to be expensive or ghastly and I think once you've powered through this hideous event you'll have a tighter mastery over any social anxiety!!

We had a 1920s theme for a work do once. I just wore one of my own black dresses and wore a 1920s headpiece type thing. I think I got it on Amazon. I also hate work dos and dread them. They are never as bad as I think they will be and I always find a hindered spirit there who feels the same way.

If you really don’t want to go then don’t. Fake a migraine. Or go for a little while then slip out. I hope you do go and have fun though. It might be nice seeing all the lovely outfits people are wearing. I love the 1920s style.

you can do this, OP. Remember, they already think you are amazing, so you just need to do the minimum and fake a big smile. You just need to be seen to chat a little. Don't hang in the corner, but also no need to try to be the life and soul. Everyone else will too busy being 'seen' to worry about you - and they will be excited to catch up with everyone, making them busy enough for you to hide in plain sight.

I echo the black dress, long pearls and feather boa if you can bear it. My office had exactly this party some years ago, and it was actually fabulous to see how people interpreted the theme - and pulled it off. Think of it as a work challenge, and I bet you can rise to the occasion.

I'd develop a terrible cough and temp a few hours before it started and book a pcr just to be on the safe side!

The thing to remember Op is that you know you have social anxiety but absolutely no one else in that room does. You were clearly the best person at interview and you got the job. You are clearly marvellous. The previous outfit ideas are great. You need to play a part for these few hours. You are not the life and soul of the party ,that's a step too far, but you are a friendly colleague who accepts the need to attend these things and makes an effort

Phyrne Fisher is your friend!!
Long coat, fur scarf, cloche hat, red lipstick, done.
phrynefisher.com/books.html

Honestly what I would do it go to the hotel and then have a headache for the evening bit

I'm a extrovert but hate dressing up , run away is the best advice I have ! 🙈

This is an eye watering awesome and fantastic job with the most amazing perks, increase in pay, less hours than I’m doing now (50 hours a week nhs).
This is the best job I am ever going to get.

It’s a once a year special company thing apparently, very very posh & expensive.

Fecking 1920’s!!!!

I am like you. The social aspects of work are just my idea of hell.

The costume and theming of the event though would actually help me. It provides a bit of camouflaging and a topic of discussion. So for me, I would go all out on the outfit. I love making things so it would be diy so that way I know it would be unique.

Some great suggestions above. I agree that seeing it as "just work" will help.

If you are new, then the theme is a good way to start a conversation, simply by admiring other people's costume is a good opener, then you can ask them where they got said outfit from etc

Sounds awful. Do you happen to have a twin?

@CaliforniaDrumming

I am 50. I had to go to a Gatsby do a couple of years ago. Dressing up is not really my thing but I did the bare minimum, black dress, long string of pearls, beaded headband and gloves. Removed the headband about 10 minuties into the party.

This! It's all about the entrance/ beginning of the evening. Be seen in whatever accessories you've brought, and you can dump them fairly early on.

Highly recommend just accessorising something fairly plain that you are otherwise comfortable in.

Well done on the new job!

At the very worst you'll do it on adrenalin and blank it out after.
Good luck.