Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

You'll be fine. Find a simple outfit, get a feather band or a 20s hat - I doubt you'll need to do very much to fit in. Some people will go all out but I'm sure lots of people will keep it simple.

You don't have to drink - have a 'mocktail' or just sparkling water with a slice of lemon. You also don't have to stay late. Go for 20 minutes before dinner if you can, but if that's too much, just go for the meal. Eating is good because you can focus on your meal and there will be people around you to chat with. Then if you don't want to stay out any longer, you can escape to your room. No one will mind, and if anyone says anything, just say you have a headache and you fancy an early night.

Just be yourself. You don't have to suddenly become someone different, but you should push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone in order to make the most of the opportunity. You may well find others who also find it all a bit uncomfortable!

If you really can't face any of it, that's a shame. But I wouldn't think it's mandatory? You could always just attend the daytime events and give the evening a little miss.

It's a work do. They've suggested the thene to try to make it less stressful than "smart casual"
Have a plan to arrive at 7.45, in time for the dinner, enjoy the food, if you hate it the company leave after food and have an early night if you enjoy it stay til you stop enjoying it.
Simples

@Diditopknot wear a black tuxedo and stick on a fake moustache. At least it might make you feel somewhat camouflaged.

Ah that’s the spirit OP! Find yourself one long black dress - charity shops might even have something but if you’re stuck for time, give us a budget and a preference and we can probably help.

I do have "going out" clothes but nothing that would fit that theme!

Tell a lie-I have some t strap shoes.

So those with a boa and/or long pearls, long gloves and???

bitter tits I am leaving a public sector job to work in the private sector after over 30 years…..hence the freaking out as yes, you are so right, a completely different world of which I am brand new!

Black dress, low heels and pearl necklaces/headband

I'm assuming that you'll go because the sacrifice is worth it for 'fitting in' in the early stages of your new job. Joining in this time does not mean you are committed to joining in for ever, so in your shoes I would go.

Remember that the company is trying to do something nice and hopes that everyone will enjoy it. Unless they are very stupid, they will know that their audience is very mixed!

The theme is good. It means you can go for any 'standard' cocktail wear, up to full on 1920s fancy dress. I would go for a just a standard black lbd type dress. Length as you prefer, anything from above knee to ankle would be fine - a suit-style shift dress would be fine. A dark navy etc will be fine if you don't like black - but definitely a dark colour. Heels if you can. Lipstick + as much make up as you want/don't want. Take a pashmina type wrap (hides anything you want and can be a comfort blanket!).

You don't have to drink - lots of people won't (some people will and might be quite loud about it). I personally would have a glass or two early on for classic Dutch courage purposes, but do whatever you prefer! A glass of sparkling water is a good accessory to hold.

Arrive half way between the start time and the dinner seating time. Seen if you can find an ally to arrive with, or find one when you arrive. Fake a bit of extroversion at first. Try and speak to 2 or 3 people/groups before you get seated - that's plenty.

Stay through dessert. Stay longer if you like - you don't have to decide in advance. You don't have to announce that you are leaving, you can just go to the toilet & never come back :-) Try not to abandon an allie in the process, if possible. You can say something like 'That was lovely! I'm going to head now as I'm not such a night owl. See you tomorrow!'

Can you tell I've done this before

I have various stories - some very forgettable evenings, some where I've started / strengthened work relationships that have been valuable & enjoyable in the long run. I have survived things like turning up in casual clothes for a fancy black tie thingy (unintentionally, I just didn't realise). Honestly, just don't be obnoxious, aim to be friendly, no one cares beyond that and anything positive to come out is a bonus.

Congratulations! Can you.frame it as part of the challenge of starting the new job? In a way I think it could be easier because you are new. It will be super easy to do small talk (which I hate so, so much) as you don't know anyone so can just ask questions and let them talk - write a list beforehand if necessary - but how long have what do you do, how long have you been here, where were you before, do you live locally etc. You can be a bit late for the drinks and slip away after dinner. Blame a headache if you need to.

Clothes wise - as others have said a simple dress and a feather boa will work. Or wide leg trousers and blouse with a boa. This would be the least concerning bit for me as no one will mind - basically, feather boa and you're sorted!

@CaMePlaitPas

Black dress, low heels and pearl necklaces/headband

This - plus a feather boa. Sorted

LBD and this:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07V328ZN7/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_JW7Z4GC6BWYX0FDT2KD4?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Sorted 😇

I wore this to a Gatsby night and it was very comfortable (I'm overweight and hate dresses too). Well done on the job!

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0791BNGGQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

I think this event will give you an idea of the kind of events that will happen at the company and if you took the advice of some posters and faked a migraine etc, it would look far worse than just going even if it’s your idea of hell! You can’t do it every time there’s one of these events. As you’ve said, you just need to put on a black dress with a plainish headband and see it as a work thing. Try and enjoy the meal then slip off once you’ve shown your face.

I like retro clothes but nothing from that era, it all seems to be designed for tall skinny people.

However, you obviously feel welcome at this company so pick the simplest thing you can that will fit the brief and focus on the accessories.

Just joining in the chorus of 'Come on OP, you can do it!' We could support you while you're there if need be. Well done on the job!

LOVE the false fags and fag holder!!

Classy!!!

Ah OP I used to work at a company that did such functions a few times a year. Definitely not in my comfort zone either.

What I did was wear something I felt comfortable in (I had a black dress with mid-length sleeves that was often my go-to), then accessorise - as pp have said, a feather boa or similar should do the trick.

Go for 15 minutes before dinner, then once it's over, either stay chatting to people or slope off to your room whenever you get chance.

I worked at the company ~10 years and still found it tricky, so completely get where you are coming from.

This thread is making me really want to go out to a Great Gatsby themed party now (I realise I am massively missing the point though!) Hope you have fun OP.

Have a look on asos curve there is a black long sleeve dress on there. Then add knotted pearls and headband and flat shoes.

Put in an appearance then if you find it too much just slip away .

And yes most hotels have mocktails .

I’d look on Vinted for a dress, about the same price as ‘fancy dress’ but actually nice. A headband snd you’ll be grand.

There are quite a few characters in Gatenby, including a car mechanic! Boiler suit, dirty face. Done!

GATSBY! We could do with an edit button

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This is my worst nightmare, I hate work socials and big events that you have to dress up for = terrifying combination.

I'd probably go to the day and have an evening migraine/stomach bug and skip the dinner.

Ebay is your friend. Preloved black dress and some pearls.