Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

Are you otherwise happy avoiding all those other social occasions OP? I read a book called Anxious parents, anxious kids which was about how people can seek to avoid anxiety by avoiding situations that make them anxious, but how that doesn't really solve the issue and can lead to people really limiting themselves.

If you avoid all social occasions that you would not seem to have a degree of social anxiety but quite severe social anxiety. I think that book I read is useful to anyone with anxiety, not just parents.

Not helpful at all but I would LOVE something like this. I’m amazed at all the people saying they’d hate it!

I’m also public sector and have always been envious of people who work for companies which offer things like this.

What field do you work in?

As for the filthy mouth... you'll probably find it's not necessary to keep it in your mouth!!

To make you laugh... & just between us!

I don't wear make, havent for years! Much to my mothers dismay 🙄🙄

Halloween party I went as a witch, fairly white face, black & green eyes, lips etc. my mum says 'you look great, I really don't know why you don't wear make up, you should!'

So she thinks face paint like a witch is preferable to my no make up usual look... right then 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

I agree with just casually saying that you are a bit nervous about socialising after lockdown. So many people feel this way these days. Nothing wrong with showing a bit of vulnerability. Makes you more relatable.

How about this with a cigarette holder and maybe feather in hairband? I think wide leg trousers are a great idea but on a chubbier woman look very different than a slim tall one (I speak from experience) and therefore don't easily give off a 1920's vibe

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/joanna-hope-fringe-beaded-flapper-dress/VA749/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=2083&optionColour=Navy&optionSize=10&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic_shopping&utm_term=%20VA749

Could you feel comfortable in something like this?

www.google.co.uk/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwiMoaOc8p31AhWIre0KHQJuD2UYABALGgJkZw&ae=2&sig=AOD64_2Ws1toLwIBk9ndUZZ6Rz4w8NZBOQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwi1ypuc8p31AhX8Q0EAHbgSCCEQwg96BAgBEBA&adurl=

If not then just say you forgot about the theme until it was too late. Honestly provided you have made a bit of effort nobody will care

I honestly wouldn't bother with the fancy dress. Just get a smart, plain dress which you can wear again and dress it up with jewellery.

A PP suggested pearls and this is at least a nod to the theme.

Good luck and congratulations on the job.

Nessa tbh I think Nessa looks fucking fabulous, so if you do end up looking like her - then you'll be well and truly rocking it - seriously

can I ask tentatively, with the anxiety what is it about the evening that concerns you? only then possibly others can help you get round those factors? Im not sure as its not something ive suffered from, just trying to see if help might come in practice advice?

@diddl

I do have "going out" clothes but nothing that would fit that theme!

Tell a lie-I have some t strap shoes.

So those with a boa and/or long pearls, long gloves and???

I don't have anything either but the boa, long gloves and fake pears you could probably get in the pound shop, maybe a small sparkly bag from there too or Clares might have the lot and they are doing really good bargains at the moment. Congrats on job. You've got the job , so You've got this and we can help you.

I must admit, every Gatsby themed party I have been to has been an absolute car crash

I would hire a nice tuxedo jacket and trousers and pair with the headband, fag holder, and maybe a champagne saucer glass.

Honestly OP, you will not be the only one dreading it, and that will look fab. If you can bear to wear red nails and lipstick then that's even better.

Congratulations on your new job

TBH I love my sweariest workmates! Unless you're in a job that involves displaying the utmost propriety at all times, it really won't matter.

@CaliforniaDrumming

I used to have social anxiety. I have now realised that no one is thinking of you or what you look like. Everyone is thinking of Covid, their jobs, the fights they had with their partners, how their DC are doing badly in school... and so on. Literally no one is thinking of you.

Me too. I was brought up by parents who were both introverted 'only' children and I don't remember either of them having friends during my childhood. My father couldn't do small talk and hated any kind of social event with a passion. I could have gone the same way as them. I was very awkward and socially anxious as a teen. I decided when I went off to college to train as a teacher that I was going to change things . I played the part of a person who was easy in company until I became that person. I watched how other people chatted, how they made small talk and learned how to do it whilst I was learning how to teach small children. Nobody knew that this was whole new me.

What do you normally wear?

Can you just slightly adapt that?

Plain black dress with long string of pearls and evening gloves
Plain black wide leg trousers, with a blouse, long string of pearls

So, just being yourself with a nod to the 20s?

I think there are some wonderful suggestions on here, especially about the outfits.
For the rest, I would certainly attend, as it would be very odd for the new person to avoid their ultimate work do of the year. There's a lot of money being spent there, quite an investment in their staff, so I imagine there's a strong expectation to attend.

You're on a winner as you don't drink, so you won't overdo the Dutch courage and get horribly sloshed, with all sorts of uninhibited behaviour coming out - this would be the worst outcome!

I agree with the poster who said,that fancy dress is easier for introverts, because you can sort of hide in it, plus you can always talk about people's outfits with them, if you run out of small talk. Then you can encourage them to tell you about the previous year's dos, what the themes and the outfits were, etc.
Nothing wrong with being Nessa for an evening, either - she is great!

I am as foul mouthed as fu- I mean, I swear like a trooper, but I can get into a head space where I can refrain. It stems from having some strait laced people in my life and also working in a public facing role. It's easier than you fear, I suspect.

Good luck, enjoy yourself and many congratulations. 🏆

Remember that fun-with-workmates might be fine for some people but when it becomes expected then it's basically unpaid overtime and management shouldn't complain if employees would rather not do unpaid overtime

Too bloody right. It's a bit shit for people with caring responsibilities too. Evening and overnight events make it hard for them to find someone to step up, so they're often effectively excluded.

Plus I hate anything themed or fancy dress - there's something that smacks of enforced joviality about it. It's all a bit try-too-hard imo. And I like to keep my work and social life separate, even if some of my bezzies are former colleagues.

www.seasaltcornwall.com/boscawenun-silk-velvet-party-dress Not quite Great Gatsby, but Seasalt velvet tops and dresses cover a multitude of sins. You never know, you may actually learn a few choice phrases in your new role, just as they'll learn a few from you.

Do a bit of homework before hand, as to who everyone is, and make a list of some general, non threatening questions to ask (a la the queen, "how long have you been with the company?") and you will have an instant reputation as a person that takes an interest in people - and you may never have to do it again!

Congrats! YOu never know, once you try it you might quite like it! Everyone has a work face so you don't have to be totally yourself anyway at these things.

Curious as to what you're moving into from the NHS - have you moved into something like medical sales?

I agree with others-don't dress up!

The Flapper Girl of the 1920s was a very boyish shape and trying to fit a more lush figure into that will make you feel uncomfortable all night, which isn't a vibe you want to give off.

Get a plain black dress and wear it with long pearls and a beaded evening bag. That's quite Flapper enough.

Hate such things, just hate!!! As a PP mentioned it's "forced fun" and is so unnecessary. I have no advice, just good luck! These days professionalism is compromised at every step. Why would anyone need to dress up for a business meeting???

Would something like this be more comfortable? Idk how tall you are. www.lightinthebox.com/en/p/the-great-gatsby-charleston-1920s-vacation-dress-summer-flapper-dress-party-costume-prom-dress-women-s-sequins-costume-golden-black-white-apricot-vint_p8780922.html?currency=GBP&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_7777%7C2_9331&country_code=gb

In any case, light in a box has loads of things to choose from, cigarette holders, wigs, hair bands etc. They even sell complete sets with dresses and accessories.

If you want a subtle headpiece, there is this on Amazon. A bit pricey maybe? www.amazon.co.uk/SWEETV-Rhinestone-Headband-Elastic-Headpiece-Accessories/dp/B07SSZD4Q2/ref=sr_1_48?crid=10K24QF7OZ4HT&keywords=black%2Belastic%2Bheadband&sprefix=Black%2Belastic%2Bh%2Caps%2C102&th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1641499319&sr=8-48

I’m a few stone overweight and the wrong side of 50 so I get your apprehension. Just remember, not everyone will feel comfortable nor look incredibly glam. Good luck with the new job and try to have fun.

As you have rightly recognised (and good on you), you have to go to this and you have to see it as a work meeting if that is what will get you through it. The only way it can go wrong is if you drink a lot and you aren'tused to drinking.

You have some good advice about what to wear. Maybe you could get your nails done if that would make you feel good?

Well I just jumped on to say CONGRATULATIONS 🎊. I don't need to add any advice as you have plenty already. Must say though, this post has made me smile. Go get them xxx

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

A quick google - there are 1920 accessory sets online. Plain black, cotton, comfortable dress or top-and-trousers and something like this or a feather boa over the top? ]]

then, grit your teeth, slap on a rictus grin and use the night to figure out who also thinks forced fun is hideous team building. Then, rise in the ranks and ban it all.

Congrats on the job. Very well done.

OP. Well done, willing you on here! When you are wearing your tiara, and have taken over the world. Hire this woman!