Let's list out the mental load/women's work

[indiesearcher]

I'm sitting down with DH later to go through ALL the mental load things I do, the invisible chores, the 'women's work' as some refer to it. We are going to try to split it more fairly.

So far I have:

Laundry
Meal planning/food order
Feeding animals
And kids
Bills
Renewals (insurances etc)
Birthdays
Children's appointments
Our appointments

What else is there?

Let's keep this going... I want to know it AALLL.

School/nursery planning. Eg inset days, drop offs etc. arranging play dates for friends.

Buying kids clothes, sorting their old clothes.

Costumes for the 148392 different themed days at school every year!

Cleaning

Booking holidays

Homework
Clubs
Getting things fixed
Household paperwork
Recycling ( generally saving the Earth )
Changing the beds
Hoovering
Visitation with PIL and own parents.

Kids homework

Interior design

Bloody birthdays, cards for relatives
Christmas......all things Christmas
And Easter

And holidays

The kinkeeping

Finding child a football club he wants to go to then buying football boots, shin pads etc.

Organising mental health support and liaising with school about it.

Holidays booking planning packing laundry before and after
Toy management (putting away ones that are too young)
Tidying up the loft/garage
DIY

DH does most of
bins out, cooking, dishwasher, DC's dental appts/emergency needs/homework/medical appts/phone/sport events/travel-to-school costs, house-insurance, Internet service, laundry, firewood procurement, garden, grocery shopping, utility bills

I do most of
ad hoc cleaning, animal care, decluttering, decorating, evening driving DC places, fridge or oven cleaning, woodburner

Rest is split, probably. I often start the holiday planning & he finishes it.

School friend parties and the associated present buying/wrapping/card writing that goes with it

Christmas and birthday presents, the budgeting and planning what to get who

As another poster said above sorting out insurance/bill renewals

If I didn't do this, most of it simply wouldn't get done

Providing Foodbank donations/ raffle prizes/ cakes for bake sales to raise money for the class to buy craft materials to make decorations to sell us..

Gifts- no we cannot turn up empty handed to a housewarming

Family traditions- collecting Xmas decs, sentimental stuff we all enjoy but I seem to always initiate & sustain

Kids parties, planning outs and sorting gifts for others

Scheduling 3 kids’ lives

Social arrangements

Organising visiting friends/family
House maintenance/DIY

Replacing things like broken laces, empty box of disposable masks, boxes of matches, bottles of suncream...

Cleaning the toilet brush and its holder

Booking appointments for everything

Replying to invitations, buying cards, present etc

Christmas & birthday presents
Scheduling social calendar, visits to family, kids activities, friends etc

Hosting guests (and all the associated work, e.g. changing bedding)
Christmas...!
Booking and planning holidays
Organising home maintenance/ renovations
Gardening

Making lists of jobs to split because he cant work it out for himself

Also, unless he is incredibly dimwitted, he knows all this stuff happens - he is just choosing not to engage in it...

Hope you read him the riot act, OP.

Social planning, hosting others, arranging and planning family activities and days out

Decision making and sourcing the next stage of stuff (depending on age of kids) as they grow - buggy / scooter / clothes / swimsuits / waterproofs / sports kits

Being the 'on call' parent for school / nursery

Managing and facilitating health appts for kids (GP, dentist, hospitals etc) as well as personal care (haircuts, nails, correct shampoo, lotions for rashes or dry skin, calpol etc).

Pet care / arrangements

Checking homework is done, via an app by our school, don't think dh even has the app downloaded

Booking family holidays - he only does this if I have a meltdown and then he books really good ones

It is good you are going to try to split this more evenly. It is only women's work if women do it!

It is possible to refuse to do all this stuff. I just never took a lot of it on and have to stay quiet when listening to friends as I don't know what to say.