My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

[slouggtg]

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

Get out...NOW!

Weeeeeelllll

I think it's unanimous......

You need to mark this down as a lesson learned and ask yourself why your self esteem is so low that you're questioning yourself about this.

Does he acknowledge he has a gambling addiction?

He needs to admit this and seek help.

I assume the problem is online gambling, it’s an easy trap to fall into.
The problem is, he needs to put more money on, to win what he lost 10 mins ago. And he won’t, there is only one winner and that’s the online companies/bookies.
Encourage him to ban himself from online gambling for 5 years, he has to do that in front of you in order for you to be able to trust that he has done it.
Encourage him to go to GA. The hardest thing is acknowledging there is a problem, the second hardest thing is to walk into a meeting. Go with him, and sit and wait outside in the car.
It will be hard, very very hard, but with encouragement he may be able to turn things around.
I know you’ve been in a relationship for a short time but can you confide in his parents, hopefully they can support him too.
Ideally someone needs to take complete control of his finances. He can have a bank card but the person who takes control gets notifications when he withdraws/spends anything.

Go onto I player and look for Paul Merton, football, gambling and me.
It is a very honest reflection of his addiction, it is thought provoking and it may help your partner understand why he feels the need to gamble.

If you love this guy, then support him, not necessarily financially, but support him to realise he has an addiction and make positive changes.

Addicts comes in all forms, some people are shopaholics, addicted to food, addicted to their phones, addicted to mumsnet, drug (prescribed or illegal) and alcohol dependent, addicted to sex.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Good luck with whatever you chose to do 💐

“ If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.”

Do you know this or are you assuming this?

He’d rather spend his money squandering his money than paying his rent!

No, I would not pay his rent. His rent (and debts) are not your problem.

Don’t let him move in with you.

I’m going to join the unanimous voice - dump him. He’s already sponging off you after four months - it will only get worse. He will bleed you dry.

Do not engage with this loser. The only person you need to worry about and work on is yourself and ask yourself why your bar is set so low.

If you stay with him I guarantee a miserable life.

Gamblers like him stop at nothing so my advice is to run!

Walk away. By paying his rent you are enabling him to keep gambling without facing any consequences. I say this having been in a long term relationship with a gambler and repeatedly trying to 'help' them. It never does help. He will keep gambling and bleed you dry in the process.

@Loveagingernut. It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

He is none of those things. He is a boyfriend of 6 months and he clearly had the problem when she met him. She owes him precisely nothing.

I left my abusive ex husband partly due to his gambling habit.
He will never get better. You will end up penniless. Do not move in with him. Leave him.

@slouggtg

One of my reasons was when we first met he was spoiling me rotten with gifts /meals etc and seeing him in a bad place made me feel awful for him.

He spends up to £500 a month on online slots and from what he said it's been going on years.

Get. The. Fuck. Out!!!

He won't change, he will always be a gambler

He saw you coming. Run. Fast. Never look back! @Loveagingernut your bar is obviously low.

The biggest favour you can do him is to end the relationship. While he has you to fall back on he will fall back. He won’t have to take responsibility unless everyone stops enabling him. And even then that’s not enough. He would have to REALLY want to stop gambling on order to have any chance at all of managing to stop.

My close friend had a severe gambling addiction for over 30 years. Started at 10 years old. He’s not had a bet for 12 years now but it is constant work in progress for him to stay on track. He said he knew if he kept on he would be dead within a year (he was bankrupt and suicidal). To some extent every day is about keeping himself grounded, stopping to sit with painful feelings rather than burying them down the bookies.

This guy sounds a LONG way offfacing his problems let alone starting to manage them. He will lie, cheat, steal, pawn stuff and take whatever you have over and over again, so great will be his need to gamble. You really don’t want that in your life. My friend would be the first to agree.

For what it's worth, I'm an addict in recovery myself. I absolutely would not give me money if I knew me as a partner or friend. I have told friends to never lend me money if I ask. (I haven't, and I'm clean nearly 8 years, but I would still tell people not to give me money.)
There's never enough money for an addiction. Any money you get for rent, bills etc, will go on the addiction. Any money you ask to borrow for "electric" or "petrol" etc etc is for the addiction.
You can't fix other people. You don't have to.

Goodness no! Stop op!!

Pull out immediately!! Stop please stop you will sink with him.

He saw you coming! Don't be such a mug, you've known him 6 months. Cut your losses and move on.

OP, pay attention...its agreed by all your replies,this guy is a shameless waste of your time and money. An immature twat. Aspire to better, because you're worth ( as they say)

I wouldn't have paid it in the first place . Get out

My SIL was with a bloke like this. Cost her £78,000 in about four years before she dumped him.

It’s time to break up. Not even together a year and you are paying his rent and bills. Don’t feel bad about him treating you to things in the beginning as in two months you have spent a grand on his bills.
Think about the future you would have with him, you paying for everything while he gambles everything you have away, you won’t be able to buy a home, go on holiday, go out for meals or even a coffee and if you have children prepare, no matter how much you earn to bring them up in unstable circumstances.
Maybe think about boundaries before you get involved with someone else-Most people would be horrified that a man who has only been known to them for six months expected them to pay for his life due to gambling and distance themselves
straight away-why didn’t you?

Wow you've set the bar extremely low for yourself! He has an addiction and you are NOT helping him.
Dump and run it's only going to get worse, he will become a Cocklodger and you will be paying for everything. Then you will break up and you'll be left in debt. I've seen this first hand.

@Bonbon21

You are being as stupid as he is smart. He is using you. You are enabling him. This will last as long as you are throwing money at it. Run.

This. Please run.

FWIW my cousin married her gambler. he has bankrupted them both, and her mother (twice) when she bailed them out. they have lost their house (twice). he is now serving time for stealing from his work. Itsrated with slots as well when he/they were in their 20s. he/they are in their 50s now.

She bailed him out. her sister bailed him out. Her mother bailed him out and is now facing her end of years in abject poverty.

Run.

OP run a mile! If you keep bailing him out he'll just keep thinking its OK to waste money because you'll be there to pay it for him. If he can't admit he has a problem then that's a massive problem in itself This will only get worse. He will lie he will steal and say he'll stop but he won't. You deserve more than that. Please leave and find someone who appreciates you and not uses you for his own benefit.

How on earth do you see this going long-term? How would you see this going if you had a child or house? They do not change.

GET RID. I spent too long with a gambler- they are fantastic liars and experts in bringing you disappointment and not much else.

You given £800 to someone you've been with for 6 months... what do I get for answering your post on the internet?