My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

[slouggtg]

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

Walk away m, it's never going to end well

Get rid of him now, tonight. This is a slippery slope.

It's amazing how he's managed to find you - it's so sad.

Please protect yourself before you end up being pimped out by him.

You need some serious therapy to work on your low low self esteem.

I wish you well and hope this doesn't end tragically for you as after only 6 months of dating you guys should be having a wonderful time together - not you being abused by him

Never move in with him please.

Seriously read what people are saying and end this now. Then have a good long think about how you are going to work on yourself so you are not found by another loser.

Do you know how to spell mug OP?

Send him a text ending it. He'll bleed you dry.

Would you continue paying it?

NO NO NO!!! Just stop ! I wouldn't have paid it to start with.

If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Who cares what he thinks? You are entitled to spend your hard earned money on what you want.It is not your problem if he wastes his money gambling instead of paying his rent.

You need to dump this loser now.

Would you continue paying it?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I wouldn't have paid it to start with! You need to run away from this one OP - I really hope that you take on board what everyone is saying, he's taking you for a fool.

If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

You're entitled to spend your money on what you want, not paying some losers rent because he has a gambling problem. Do not pay attention to what he thinks!

Run.
Make extra sure you don’t get pregnant by him.

Get the fuck out and use some of your disposable income to do some therapy to understand why this situation landed you in over your head so that you can protect your future self.

Prepare yourself for him being manipulative when you do end things. It would be best to ghost him, block his number and make sure you change the locks on your house. He knows you've given in on the money demands before, he knows he's successfully strung you along, so he'll think he can reel you back in to enable his habit.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

This isn’t her partner, child, parent or friend though is it? It’s some brand new boyfriend who has already started leeching off her.

There are a group of druggies who hang around outside my local shop, pm me your address and I’ll send them round to yours for you to take in and financially support for the rest of their lives. You owe them as much as OP owes this bloodsucker.

@Loveagingernut

Does he acknowledge he has a gambling addiction?

He needs to admit this and seek help.

I assume the problem is online gambling, it’s an easy trap to fall into.
The problem is, he needs to put more money on, to win what he lost 10 mins ago. And he won’t, there is only one winner and that’s the online companies/bookies.
Encourage him to ban himself from online gambling for 5 years, he has to do that in front of you in order for you to be able to trust that he has done it.
Encourage him to go to GA. The hardest thing is acknowledging there is a problem, the second hardest thing is to walk into a meeting. Go with him, and sit and wait outside in the car.
It will be hard, very very hard, but with encouragement he may be able to turn things around.
I know you’ve been in a relationship for a short time but can you confide in his parents, hopefully they can support him too.
Ideally someone needs to take complete control of his finances. He can have a bank card but the person who takes control gets notifications when he withdraws/spends anything.

Go onto I player and look for Paul Merton, football, gambling and me.
It is a very honest reflection of his addiction, it is thought provoking and it may help your partner understand why he feels the need to gamble.

If you love this guy, then support him, not necessarily financially, but support him to realise he has an addiction and make positive changes.

Addicts comes in all forms, some people are shopaholics, addicted to food, addicted to their phones, addicted to mumsnet, drug (prescribed or illegal) and alcohol dependent, addicted to sex.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Good luck with whatever you chose to do 💐

This is quite possibly the worst advice I have ever seen on MN.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

People would still be advising someone to protect themselves in this case. And, in the case of a partner whose addiction was causing them harm, to LTB.

In a boyfriend of 4 months (given it’s been 6 months of dating and she’s already paid his bills two months running)… obviously she should run.

On the other hand, @Loveagingernut, if she follows the rest of your advice and takes over his finances, confiscates his bank card and runs to tell his mummy (who she has presumably never met) that he’s been a very naughty boy and can’t pay his rent, all within the first couple of months of the relationship, he will probably dump her anyway (all that would be controlling in a parent, it is batshit from a new girlfriend).

@Loveagingernut

Does he acknowledge he has a gambling addiction?

He needs to admit this and seek help.

I assume the problem is online gambling, it’s an easy trap to fall into.
The problem is, he needs to put more money on, to win what he lost 10 mins ago. And he won’t, there is only one winner and that’s the online companies/bookies.
Encourage him to ban himself from online gambling for 5 years, he has to do that in front of you in order for you to be able to trust that he has done it.
Encourage him to go to GA. The hardest thing is acknowledging there is a problem, the second hardest thing is to walk into a meeting. Go with him, and sit and wait outside in the car.
It will be hard, very very hard, but with encouragement he may be able to turn things around.
I know you’ve been in a relationship for a short time but can you confide in his parents, hopefully they can support him too.
Ideally someone needs to take complete control of his finances. He can have a bank card but the person who takes control gets notifications when he withdraws/spends anything.

Go onto I player and look for Paul Merton, football, gambling and me.
It is a very honest reflection of his addiction, it is thought provoking and it may help your partner understand why he feels the need to gamble.

If you love this guy, then support him, not necessarily financially, but support him to realise he has an addiction and make positive changes.

Addicts comes in all forms, some people are shopaholics, addicted to food, addicted to their phones, addicted to mumsnet, drug (prescribed or illegal) and alcohol dependent, addicted to sex.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Good luck with whatever you chose to do 💐

Quite possibly the single worst advice ever posted on this site, for fucks sake!!!

Women who think this way are mugs and ruin their lives on people who take advantage of them. Do you want to end up homeless, friendless, out of work and alone in 5 years? That’s where this advice will leave you. You’d be an utter moron to consider paying for some stranger’s gambling. FFS.

@Loveagingernut ok so you’ve made bad decisions, why on earth would you encourage others to do so too? Do you want her to ruin her life?

Encourage him to ban himself from online gambling for 5 years, he has to do that in front of you in order for you to be able to trust that he has done it.
Encourage him to go to GA. The hardest thing is acknowledging there is a problem, the second hardest thing is to walk into a meeting. Go with him, and sit and wait outside in the car.
It will be hard, very very hard, but with encouragement he may be able to turn things around.

This is utterly dreadful advice. Why the fuck should the OP spend her time, effort (and money, because he will inevitably be gambling hers away while this goes on) trying to fix a man who doesn't even want to fix himself?

This might be good advice for a parent trying to help a child, or a wife trying everything to help her DH before deciding to divorce, but it is dreadful advice for someone the OP has only known a few months.

He's known her 6 MONTHS and so far he has love bombed her, taken her money, and is sizing up to move in with her so he can take even more. What about this relationship is worth saving?

Gamblers are just like alcoholics. The addiction comes before everything else - family, home, friendsHe'll drain you dry then move we on to someone else who still has money.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Some of this advise was from the former partners, children, parents and friends of addicts, because they know from experience it wont get any better.

I am the ex-wife of a cocaine, gambling and paid gaming addict (amongst others no doubt) and sadly I didn't find out til I was 2 kids, a house, a marriage, and a business deep. I nearly lost everything!

The OP is lucky enough to find out before they're anything more than a casual date and people are advising accordingly.

What are you going to do OP?

@Loveagingernut

Does he acknowledge he has a gambling addiction?

He needs to admit this and seek help.

I assume the problem is online gambling, it’s an easy trap to fall into.
The problem is, he needs to put more money on, to win what he lost 10 mins ago. And he won’t, there is only one winner and that’s the online companies/bookies.
Encourage him to ban himself from online gambling for 5 years, he has to do that in front of you in order for you to be able to trust that he has done it.
Encourage him to go to GA. The hardest thing is acknowledging there is a problem, the second hardest thing is to walk into a meeting. Go with him, and sit and wait outside in the car.
It will be hard, very very hard, but with encouragement he may be able to turn things around.
I know you’ve been in a relationship for a short time but can you confide in his parents, hopefully they can support him too.
Ideally someone needs to take complete control of his finances. He can have a bank card but the person who takes control gets notifications when he withdraws/spends anything.

Go onto I player and look for Paul Merton, football, gambling and me.
It is a very honest reflection of his addiction, it is thought provoking and it may help your partner understand why he feels the need to gamble.

If you love this guy, then support him, not necessarily financially, but support him to realise he has an addiction and make positive changes.

Addicts comes in all forms, some people are shopaholics, addicted to food, addicted to their phones, addicted to mumsnet, drug (prescribed or illegal) and alcohol dependent, addicted to sex.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Good luck with whatever you chose to do 💐

This is the worst advice - please ignore it OP

Walk away and you both win. You get to keep your money and not be with this user, and he gets the gift or rock bottom which could be the foundation of a whole new better way of living for him and him no longer being a user. Really? It's the only way

You’re going to try and ‘save’ him aren’t you OP?

Ive been there, felt a complete mug afterwards. I was made to feel guilty if I wanted to buy myself something when he was struggling to pay his gas bill. I didn't want to live like that as I work hard and want to enjoy my money. Manipulating behaviour, I fell for it.

My self esteem was low and I had no boundaries at all so I can understand the position you are in. I read a great book about boundaries which made perfect sense wish I'd read it years ago.
I'd dump and run before he bleeds you dry. You've no ties to him so do it while you can and learn from it. There will be a lovely man out there for you who wouldn't dream of asking you for money so early on in a relationship nor would gamble what he has got.

I don't think the OK is going to come back because we haven't told her what she wants to hear.

Imagine what that £800 could have bought you. He's very manipulating and the more I think about it the more it's obvious he has played on your kind/nice side.
Did you agree for it to be paid back at some point?

Good lord.

Just 6 months in and you're aiming to keep and impress a man who isnt worth it, by paying his bills?😳

I guarantee if you dont pay his bills, he'll simply find another absolute mug of a wonan who will.

You could simply have guided him to Gamblers Anonymous etc instead of enabling him anyway. You're better off apart as mismanagement of money is an affliction you both have, albeit his is far worse.