My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

[slouggtg]

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

@Loveagingernut’s advice is atrocious. And goes against everything that partners and family members of addicts should be told.

It’s basically telling someone to take all the responsibility for the addict and the consequences of the addiction. To seek codependency.

What anyone dealing with an addict hears to hear is the 3 Cs: you didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, you can’t control it. They need to develop firm boundaries and disengage. For everyone’s sake.

It’s unfortunate that so many people have told you to LTB. I hope they never have to deal with a partner, child , parent or friend who sadly becomes an addict

Oh please!

1 this guy is BARELY a boyfriend NOT a partner

2 even IF he were a partner I'd still say ltb I have a lot of experience with addiction/addicts (I'm not one) and it is a waste of time supporting them at least until they they truly acknowledge and address it themselves. It's hell dealing with an addict. I've dealt with having a parent, grandparent, aunts uncles and cousins that are addicts, I've lost loved ones to drug addiction I know what it's like

3 frankly the best thing you can do for an addict is let them hit rock bottom

She owes him precisely nothing.

Damn straight!

Gamblers are just like alcoholics. The addiction comes before everything else

The difference is gamblers have nothing physical stopping them- they keep on and on going. Drink and drug addicts and even exercise addicts at some point during a bing physically knock themselves out. Gamblers will not eat, sleep, pee in order to keep gambling! They will go for several days with only brief naps...

It never fails to astound me at how little self-respect some women have.

Raise your standards OP...seriously...raise them! Why on earth would you be with someone who gambles FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS a month on fucking slot machines?? You then blithely hand over £400 every month to pay his rent??? Are you insane? Six months in...and he's already manipulated you 🤦‍♀️

@Loveagingernut Wow! Awful, awful advice!! This man IS NOT the OPs child/partner/husband ffs! She hardly knows him!! Four months after meeting him, he was ripping her off for rent money!! The worst advice I've ever read on here...please do not follow this OP 😱

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Not in a million years.

He’d rather waste his own money gambling than paying his rent. It’s not on you to pay it. Run far away from this relationship!

Has been said further up line. If the initial gifts make you feel responsible then you have repaid these gifts. If you want to continue the relationship despite all the advice given to you, mostly from people who have experience of living with an addict do it without giving him any more money . Direct him to help. Be his rock if you think you can manage it and he’s worth it but do not give him any more money. I seriously doubt this is the first time he’s been unable to pay his rent and has been bailed out. Personally, as another one speaking from experience I would run. In my experience, you can’t change an addict .

Stop being a mug
Don’t pay his rent
Dump him

Lol you must be desperate

And because you are so desperate, you should continue to pay it. And when you find someone else after dumping him, you will continue to do the same with them as well. You need to recognise that you have some problems which you need to work on before getting into any relationship at all.

[quote SweetPotatoDumpling]@Loveagingernut Wow! Awful, awful advice!! This man IS NOT the OPs child/partner/husband ffs! She hardly knows him!! Four months after meeting him, he was ripping her off for rent money!! The worst advice I've ever read on here...please do not follow this OP 😱[/quote]
Even if he were her husband of 20 years or parent or child, it is dreadful advice. Utterly dreadful.

On the surface, it sounds like the kind, caring thing to do. But anyone with my knowledge of experience of addiction and addicts can see that it’s a recipe for misery and disaster, not least because it’s attempting to shield the addict from responsibility and consequences. If you want to ensure that addition ruins the lives of an entire family for decades… this is exactly the sort of approach you should take.

Run!! He'll destroy your financial well-being. So dangerous

You've been together 6 months and already he's let you pay 2 months of his rent while he gambles his money away?

I promise you it will only get worse. Trust me. It will get worse. Take care of yourself and walk away. I've seen lives almost destroyed through gambling. You're so new into this relationship and already you're seeing these huge red flags. Don't ignore them.

So he's spending his rent money on gambling and you're enabling him to do that?
You need to stop!
He needs professional help.

I was with a gambling addict. We were together a lot longer than you and had a house together. I paid off his debts. After five years I walked away from that relationship with £22,000 of debt. It crippled me. So my advice? Break up with him now and accept you will never see that money again.

6 months in
Dump him!!!

Wtf are you paying it for??? Get rid asap

OP, you sound very young. I am surprised you would also blow away £700 on treats and nights out. Apart from needing to LTB I hope you save some of it too!

What happened in your life to give you such low self esteem?

Good morning, OP
How are you doing at the moment?
All the best and I do hope you can follow the pretty unanimous advice your question has sparked.

Have you got mug written on your forehead?!?!
Dump, block and move on!!!

So after 4 months together you started paying his rent knowing you'll never get that money back and he's already asking to move in?

Time to leave him.

@slouggtg are you coming back?

Any future with this man is only achievable if he takes responsibility for his actions. He needs to get counselling for his addiction. He needs to finance his debt and he needs to stop making excuses for his impulsive behaviour.

You did not make his spoil you when you first men and you are not responsible for his addictive personality (please read up on this) it's good that you have caught this so early (if this is the true extent of the problem) it is not insurmountable and he should be able to pay his own rent and repay his debts with structuring.

I do wonder why you would feel like you need to be the fixer in this situation? Would you not have more respect for him and yourself if he resolved this issue on his own?

@chocorabbit

OP, you sound very young. I am surprised you would also blow away £700 on treats and nights out. Apart from needing to LTB I hope you save some of it too!

Out of all the OP has posted, THIS is the thing you think she needs to change? Really?!

“A fool and their money are soon parted”

He’s fool for gambling but you are just the fool for paying his rent!