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Original poster

My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

281 replies

slouggtg · 02/01/2022 15:48

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

OP posts:
wtfisthatspiderdoing · 02/01/2022 17:29

You already know the answer in your gut OP. Everyone here is confining it. 6 months in and this is already happening... end it. He won't change. He can't change. He has admitted to 500 a month. This will be tip of the iceberg. He continued to spend at least this much for at least 2 months knowing he couldn't pay his rent. So he either put gambling before being homeless, or, he also gambled on you bailing him out. He won that bet and so will expect the same going forward.

Orchid876 · 02/01/2022 17:30

Yes Graphista is correct, you need to work on the assumption that he's with you for your money and he'll take you for everything that he can get. Cut all contact, his lying and manipulation will get worse if he things his cash cow is about the dry up.

NinaProudman2022 · 02/01/2022 17:30

Be busy and unavailable and ditch him pronto
don’t weaken and if you really want to help
him refer him to GamCare or similar gambling charity promptly.

You aren’t helping him by paying his rent but by doing this you are simply enabling his gambling addiction to continue. If you continue with this relationship things will get more and more out of control in your life and with your finances the longer you stay with this man and the deeper you get into this relationship. Get out now before things get any worse and do not allow him to move in or get pregnant by him as he will ruin you.

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General money
Crazycatlady83 · 02/01/2022 17:36

OP, you are worried that he thinks you want to waste your money on shopping etc. But you are happy to sub him knowing he wastes his money on online slots. You can see the irony can't you?

TempName01 · 02/01/2022 17:37

You will be in debt for the rest of your life, he will lie to you, steal and make your life hell. Please get rid of him now.

bedheadedzombie · 02/01/2022 17:37

You are making his addiction worse by bailing him out. Addicts NEED to hit rock bottom before they decide to change. By helping him you are actually ruining his chances of a healthy future.

minmooch · 02/01/2022 17:41

You should not have paid his rent full stop. He is a gambler and this is his life choice. You will never come first to an addict. No stability, you will always play second fiddle to his gambling.

STOP RIGHT NOW AND DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ALLOW HIM TO MOVE IN. HE IS PLAYING YOU FOR A FOOL.

Lovemusic33 · 02/01/2022 17:42

I would walk away, you’ve only been with him 6 months, it’s not worth the hassle.

BurningTheClocks · 02/01/2022 17:43

Of course you must support him, let him move in with you so you can make sure he knows he’s loved and cared for, and has a roof over his head and food in his tummy.
He shouldn’t have to worry.
What else is a woman for if not to care for her man?

Have you considered getting a second job to meet his need for gambling money?

ErrmWTAF · 02/01/2022 17:43

OMFGs. That you even have to ask.

I despair of women sometimes.

Snugglepumpkin · 02/01/2022 17:43

You will never earn enough money to date this man.

If you had a hundred thousand available, he would gamble more if there was any way to get it out of you.

If you had a million it would be the same now you have invited him into your purse by handing over a single penny.

This relationship will destroy you & leave you without a penny if you don't run as fast as you can.

Every time you let him into your house you are gambling with your possessions because eventually when they can't get it any other way fund things by stealing.

It's like an illness, you are not going to 'redeem' him from this as he has a long way still to fall & some people never do get back up.

Protect yourself.
End this relationship because he will never be the man he would be if he didn't gamble, just the one that sucks the money & the life out of you.

All there is for you in this relationship is heartache, betrayal & poverty.

godmum56 · 02/01/2022 17:43

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Are you insane? I wouldn't have paid his rent or anything else. You've only known him 6 months. He would have been dumped the second I found out he'd been gambling.
this
userxx · 02/01/2022 17:47

What the fuck are you doing ?

Tal45 · 02/01/2022 17:48

This is only ever going to get worse, you don't owe him anything. It was his choice to spoil you/buy your affections. Get out now before you get in any deeper. Of course he wants to move in with you - then you can pay his rent forever more! Please don't be a fool.

ToffeeForEveryone · 02/01/2022 17:51

Run for the hills. Give him no more money, time or energy. Run run run.

user1471538283 · 02/01/2022 17:52

I KNEW he would want to move in! End things now before he financially ruins you.

I promise you he will. Before long you'll be paying for everything, become sick working long hours. No amount of money he has will ever be enough. He will see you homeless and in debt.

LondonWolf · 02/01/2022 17:53

What is in your background that you would pay this man’s rent even one month let alone two?!

Out of interest has he suggested you Move In Together yet? Won’t be long. After all you’re paying his rent. He will present as an idea that will save you both some money Hmm

Longdistance · 02/01/2022 17:59

@slouggtg please don’t tell me you have dc and are subbing this loser?
He’s trying to become a cocklodger by poncing off you. Already talking about moving in together as he can’t afford the rent as he’s wasted it on gambling.

CPL593H · 02/01/2022 18:01

I can't add much to what has already been said. He saw you coming. If you want to find out who he really is, say that you need your £1000 back, you could split it between 2 months, after all it is "only" what he spends on slots and as he hasn't got a problem, he will have no trouble paying you back (hahaha) You won't see him for dust if he thinks you're serious.

Personally, I would put the money you've lost down to experience, thank God you aren't linked by property, marriage or kids and block him on everything, right now.

Graphista · 02/01/2022 18:03

you need to work on the assumption that he's with you for your money and he'll take you for everything that he can get

Yep!

And @Orchid876 Thank you

The few relatives that still have contact with the con artists won't even take their contactless cards with them when visiting! Cash only

Every time you let him into your house you are gambling with your possessions because eventually when they can't get it any other way fund things by stealing.

Yep! Forgot this one!

Any heirloom or valuable jewellery check it's not gone missing that kinda thing

PlanetNormal · 02/01/2022 18:04

I agree with everything @Snugglepumpkin has said.

You have been with this waster for a few months and he is already sponging off you to finance his gambling addiction. As red flags go, this is as big as it gets. You can’t change him or save him. Only he can do that. Giving him money is enabling him, not helping him.

Cut your losses, don’t give him another penny and dump him now, before he drags you down with him.

Bobbinatomic · 02/01/2022 18:05

OP you asked would you continue to pay his rent?

I will answer truthfully - 25 years ago I probably would have. I would’ve hated to see someone I cared about in a mess financially when I could do something to help. Perhaps he didn’t even ask for help and you’ve offered - it’s nice to be kind and helpful. He’s been good to you in the past. You want a future together, this is teamwork and you can help him through this.

Now with the benefit of life experience and hindsight the answer is NO. Do not pay anymore rent (or electric). I’m not a high earner by any means - it’s not a crime to have an overdraft and be a bit skint - but people with poor money management skills do not make great partners. You’re going to be forever bailing him out. All sensible adults know that paying your rent/mortgage is essential, he obviously has an issue with gambling, but even if we look beyond that, living hand to mouth and struggling with bills is a hard life.

Mumsnet mantra of ‘women are not here to fix broken men’ is your friend here. I wish I’d learnt this sooner in my own life instead of believing I could mend the men in my life.

So please, please walk away from this man. Don’t pay his rent.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 02/01/2022 18:08

Come on, OP.

You need to leave this man, and you need to leave him now. If you don’t, you have no-one but yourself to blame for how this is going to turn out.

He sees you as a meal (read: gambling) ticket. A way to fund his lifestyle.

MadMadMadamMim · 02/01/2022 18:08

Why are you even giving this headspace? Dump him.

Write off the £800 he now owes you - you'll never see it again. Don't throw good money after bad. Count yourself lucky you discovered he was a loser within the first 6 months and before you were living together.

boatyardblues · 02/01/2022 18:09

You say he showered you with gifts early on. After 2 x £400 rent you can safely call it even and walk away (though I think you were too soft and easily exploited to have paid his rent at all). Do yourself a favour and leave him.

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