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Original poster

My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

281 replies

slouggtg · 02/01/2022 15:48

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

OP posts:
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 02/01/2022 16:18

You are not responsible for him

You cannot fix him

All you can do is be there for him and hope he sorts himself out. He may, he may not.

By paying his rent you are actually harming him by enabling his addiction. It is better for him, and you, if you keep finances separate and don't pay his rent

Don't pay it

Starlightstarbright1 · 02/01/2022 16:18

6 months in is still honey moon period.

It shouldn't be this hard. Month one all he learnt is you will pay it.

DramaAlpaca · 02/01/2022 16:21

You are being used.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
whistleryukon · 02/01/2022 16:22

I cannot believe that you have paid this man's rent for him within 6 months of knowing him and that you're considering doing it again. Obviously you should just split up with him immediately but if you don't change your mindset in respect of expectations in relationships as soon as possible you are going to come across a myriad of problems with men who will fuck you over in many creative ways.

Kite22 · 02/01/2022 16:23

"Enough" should have been when you found out he has no control over his spending. 2 months ago.

He spends up to £500 a month on online slots and from what he said it's been going on years and this is what he is admitting to.
Why would anyone consider getting into a relationship with this man?

I might have sympathy if you were in a 20 year relationship and the addiction began then, but you have no obligation to him whatsoever. He is using you. Don't let it continue a day longer.

FabulouslyFab · 02/01/2022 16:25

Can you not see that he is dragging you into debt with him? As soon as you can’t pay his rent he will look for someone else who can and you will be left with debt. He doesn’t love you - he loves the fact that you have money.
Please please dump him before it goes any further.

Bonbon21 · 02/01/2022 16:26

😂😂😂😂
OF COURSE he wants to move in!!!!

Then he wont have to pay for ANYTHING!!

And he can gamble away ALL his money while you support him fully...
Get rid.

wheresmymojo · 02/01/2022 16:27

Throw this one back.

Can't add anything beyond what PP's said x 10

altforvarmt · 02/01/2022 16:29

End it, the sooner the better. Life with him won't get better. This is not a temporary blip.

And before you get involved with anyone new, try to work out why you value yourself so little that you thought this was a reasonable state of affairs for even a nanosecond.

Sproutpie · 02/01/2022 16:29

I speak from experience…….

Don’t walk away from him - run as fast as you can - today.

greyinganddecaying · 02/01/2022 16:30

He is never going to get his gambling under control if he always has someone to bail him out.

If he moves in with you, you'll be tied financially and any debts he has may affect your credit rating.

Tell him that you will no longer pay his rent. See how he reacts - my betting is that he won't want to stay in a relationship if you don't financially support him.

doitwithlove · 02/01/2022 16:31

I have not read your full post @slouggtg. The title was enough for me to reply - GET RID of this man, why would you want a relationship with this guy?

Bexxe · 02/01/2022 16:32

Absolutely do not keep paying his rent because there will be no easy way to stop, it will just become normal.

He will get accustomed to you paying his rent, and his situation gets worse.

you are enabling him. I know you think your helping, but you are actually making it worse. You have a very big heart to be helping him in his time of need, but you are only making it worse for him as he is not learning that his actions have consequences, he’s learning that when he has no money you are there to save him.

I don’t agree with just saying dump him, no one’s perfect and him having a gambling issue doesn’t make him unlovable or a shitty person, it means he has found himself in a shit position.

However, you need to remember that whilst you are a team, you need to keep your best interests as the focus. You work hard for your money, so don’t spend it bailing someone out who wont even face his own issues.

they are his issues, not yours so don’t fix them

viques · 02/01/2022 16:32

Well done for giving him an extra £800 to gamble with.

Don’t do it again please, you are not helping him or yourself. He has an addiction, you are feeding it, he won’t even think about stopping if you carry on.

ILoveAnOwl · 02/01/2022 16:32

Leave. Leave now.

It will be hard, but it's much harder 13 years later with two children.

And yes, I speak from experience!

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/01/2022 16:33

It shouldn’t be like this after only 6 months. He’s not even trying to hide how useless he is. Get out while you can, and don’t expect your money back.

Nottogetapenny · 02/01/2022 16:33

I agree with others, please leave him. If you continue to pay his rent, it will encourage him to gamble more! Don’t let him move in, he will spend his money and yours n gambling! You don’t deserve anyone to do this to you.

CSJobseeker · 02/01/2022 16:34

6 months in and you're paying his rent? No, no, no. All kinds of no. Dump him already.

His gambling problem is not your issue to fix, and paying his rent is only enabling. The fact that he's asking you to pay his rent rather than trying to sort himself out and seeking help speaks volumes.

There are many men out there who AREN'T gambling addicts. This one isn't a good catch, so throw him the fuck back.

WaltzingTilda · 02/01/2022 16:34

Well, he chooses to spend his money on gambling so who the he'll is he to judge you on how you spend your money? I don't usually say this to people but I think you need to leave him. You haven't invested much of your time on this relationship so far, I'd move on. Good luck

justthecat · 02/01/2022 16:34

6 months in and your his cash machine.
Seriously dump him today

DarkDarkNight · 02/01/2022 16:35

You are lucky that you have learned about his gambling this early. You would be mad to continue to bail him out and even madder to even consider moving in with him and entwining your finances further.

Get out while you can, 6 month is nothing. It’s a sunken cost fallacy to stay.

ivykaty44 · 02/01/2022 16:35

you're just delaying the inevitable, you might as well burn your money tbh as it won't achieve anything.

added to which he will have other debts he hasn't told you about, it'll be never ending

HippeePrincess · 02/01/2022 16:35

He has enough to pay his rent, if he didn't gamble his rent money.

Look at this another way, he's paid his rent and you're replacing this money so he can play slot machines or whatever and leaving you with next to no disposable income. How is this OK? And after only 6 months! What the fuck are you thinking here?

Get out, this will only get worse!

Itawapuddytat · 02/01/2022 16:35

Errr.... yes, you do spend/waste/throw your money away on shopping because guess what, it's your money! Yours, not his, it's not for him to decide how you spend YOUR money! His rent is his responsibility, not yours, you shouldn't have to pay it!

I'd have left this loser over a month ago, honestly!

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2022 16:36

What are you doing? Paying this blokes rent. You’ve not even in a long term relationship with him, you’d been with him, what four months when you started paying for him?

Grab your dignity, End it and walk away.

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