Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

281 replies

slouggtg · 02/01/2022 15:48

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

OP posts:
CeleriacOfTheNight · 02/01/2022 16:03

Six months in and you've paid his rent for two of those?

He has hit the jackpot (pun intended)

SmallElephant · 02/01/2022 16:04

What a manipulative tosser! Sounds like he deliberately showered you with gifts to reel you in so he could sponge off you later Angry

ChequerBoard · 02/01/2022 16:05

He is financially incontinent. This will not change.

Cut all ties now and avoid a life of misery.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Letitsnoooow · 02/01/2022 16:05

Why would you do that?! He’s not your responsibility you know. Tell him you can’t afford it. It’s none of his business what you spend your money on so don’t tell him.

marriednotdead · 02/01/2022 16:06

@SmallElephant

What a manipulative tosser! Sounds like he deliberately showered you with gifts to reel you in so he could sponge off you later Angry
Absolutely this. Run.
Bellyups · 02/01/2022 16:08

Like fuck I would!
You’ve been incredibly generous to do so for two months.
I bet you he ‘suggests’ he moves in with you soon.
I would be telling him that I would no longer be able to afford to help, and point him in the direction of CAB

Mandofan · 02/01/2022 16:09

You need to raise your standards and want more for yourself. Paying his rent when you’ve only known him for 6 months is madness. Men see women like you from a mile away and all they do is use people like you

Afreshstart2021 · 02/01/2022 16:10

Run for the hills. Seriously.

MrBoldwood · 02/01/2022 16:10

I think you’ve been stupid, and also you are enabling him so are actually doing him no favours at all. It’s not for others to advise you re what to do, it’s about taking responsibility for your own actions and deciding how you want to behave.

Original poster
slouggtg · 02/01/2022 16:10

@Bellyups he has spoke about moving in but I've told him no.
I won't move in with anyone yet as I don't want too and I'm not ready

OP posts:
merryhouse · 02/01/2022 16:10

He "doesn't have a problem" because someone else always bails him out.

If you want to spend the rest of your life never having any money, and hiding from the bailiffs (because once you're living with/ married to/ raising children with him he won't be able to get a girlfriend to pay the rent) then sure, pay the next month.

Otherwise, pop it in a savings account and say "sorry, I've got nothing spare".

I doubt you'll even have to dump him.

GAW19 · 02/01/2022 16:11

His initials aren't C R are they op?

SuspiciousHumanoid · 02/01/2022 16:11

Christ OP, are you having a giraffe? Four months in and you found out he is gambling away all his money so you start paying his rent and bills for him? You’re a fool.

thebear1 · 02/01/2022 16:11

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't prioritise their bills first before their gambling debt and loves you so little they are willing to take large sums of money off you? You are worth so much more.

Crystalvas · 02/01/2022 16:11

@Atla

Wtf?! 6 months? Why on earth have you paid his rent? This is insane. Dump him!
Exactly this OP. Dump him it dosn’t matter if hes got redeeming qualities. He’ll continue to sponge off you as long as you let him.
vodkaredbullgirl · 02/01/2022 16:11

Walk away, in fact run.

Sheldonesquey · 02/01/2022 16:12

Moving in? Not a surprise.

Just make sure you don’t want to and aren’t ready to for the length of time you are with him.

Letitsnoooow · 02/01/2022 16:13

What do you think about what everyone is saying op?

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/01/2022 16:14

Are you insane?? Don’t pay another penny, and leave. What are you thinking?!

If you want to be nice email him links to gamblers anonymous, and CAB to sort out his debts.

Then block and move on, and turn your fuckwit radar on next time.

WorstXmasEver · 02/01/2022 16:14

Please make sure you don't get pregnant by him. He could very easily ruin your life.

There is a forum called gamcare with help for the partners of gamblers.

Sheldonesquey · 02/01/2022 16:14

I would also wonder long his previous lasses lasted. And how much it took for them to see things clearly.

PeachTea1 · 02/01/2022 16:15

Leave.
My brother has a gambling addiction, it’s an illness, and a tough one to battle with. Leave whilst there are no strings, you will feel lighter for it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/01/2022 16:16

You are wasting your time with him. He has a gambling addiction and that’s not going to change. You cannot work towards being in a committed relationship with him, marriage or kids as you would end up taking on the debt. He has been happy for you to pay his rent two months running but presumably is still gambling?

You need to leave him or this is just going to keep getting worse until he eats away all of your savings and spending money.

Crystalvas · 02/01/2022 16:16

[quote slouggtg]@Bellyups he has spoke about moving in but I've told him no.
I won't move in with anyone yet as I don't want too and I'm not ready [/quote]
Ya and you’ll always be paying for him then and it won’t just stop at rent either. You owe him nothing walk away.

suzy2b · 02/01/2022 16:16

If he hasn't got a problem then he can stop any time, he needs to pay rent first, tell him if he hasn't got a problem stop playing

Swipe left for the next trending thread