My boyfriend has a gambling problem ...I'm having to pay his rent,when is enough?

[slouggtg]

My boyfriend of 6 months.
I've found out last month he had no money.
He works 40 hours but is -900 in his overdraft.
His rent is £400 a month
He hasn't been able to pay it for two months.
He said he doesn't have a problem but it's obvious he does.
I paid his rent last month and this month but I can't keep doing it.
After I pay my bills /rent I'm left with £700 a month which I normally use to treats or nights out etc but after paying his rent and electric bill I have £200 a month left now.

Would you continue paying it?
If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Im In over my head here

End it now and don't sentence yourself to a life of misery and deceit

[quote slouggtg]@Bellyups he has spoke about moving in but I've told him no.
I won't move in with anyone yet as I don't want too and I'm not ready [/quote]
I really dont like making posts that the op may find insulting.

So I really can't say anything at all.

It’s crazy that you paid it in the first place.

There’s no future with this man.

His next move will be to move in with you then he will drag you down into debt with him.

Don’t be a mug anymore.

If I don't he will be thinking i would rather waste money on shopping than pay his rent.

Why would you be worried about what he thinks? It is a proven fact that he would rather waste money on slots then pay his own rent. Why is it okay for him to make that choice, but not you?

You budget properly and pay your own rent, which makes you a gazillion times better than this waste of space.

He's spending more than his rent on gambling every month, and is already in the hole.

You'd be mad to continue the relationship, let alone paying his rent or letting him move in.

Dump him, if he gets evicted for not paying his rent, don't let him in your home.

My dad had a gambling problem. Leave him. Effectively you've already given him 800 (that you've admitted to yourself) towards his drug. You're not his saviour or his guardian angel; he only knew you as a girlfriend for around 16 weeks before he started potentially putting you in a seriously bad financial position. What does that tell you about his real personality and what his motives might have been with the early love bombing in the form of presents etc?

Don't let him take you for a mug any longer, please.

You're not paying his rent, you are enabling his gambling.
You're putting hundreds of pounds onto gambling sites. Not keeping a roof over his head.

Spend that 400 quid a month on counselling figuring out what the hell is wrong with you.

"I'm having to pay his rent"

No you aren't. Wakey wakey.

How many hours do you have to work to earn £400?
Why the fuck are you paying this idiots rent?

Stop pissing your own hard-earned money away!

Jesus fucking wept...why are some people so wet?!

Of course has talked about moving in. You’d pay all the bills and he gets more to gamble with, and he has his meals and laundry done. Win-win for him but not for you!

Who subbed him before you?

[quote EverNapping]@slouggtg
Just wait until he's made homeless because he's gambled away all the money you've given him for rent.

Then it'll be 'well he was homeless and I felt sorry for him, so I let him move in.'

You don't know this guy. Leave him and don't throw your life, future and hope away.[/quote]
That reminded me of a recent thread where OP was coming under just that pressure from a boyfriend of, coincidentally, 6 months standing. Is that the point when these waster men feel able to sponge?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4431845-boyfriend-been-kicked-out-and-wants-to-live-with-me

He met you and weeks later he can’t pay his rent so you pay it?

What on gods earth taught you that you were so worthless?

You’ll never see this money again, and you’re contemplating a THIRD month

You’re an idiot.

Actually it’s £500 a month - rent and leccy, then it will be food and fuel for his car, then a “loan” for car repairs, then money lenders want repaying or he gets beaten up, then his mum’s cat needs urgent vet treatment, then…

@thebear1

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't prioritise their bills first before their gambling debt and loves you so little they are willing to take large sums of money off you? You are worth so much more.

This (& what everyone else has said too about leaving him!). You deserve so much better than this.

Gambling is an addiction. His addiction is so out of control he can’t house himself. You’re only six months in, leave now.

And please remember, if a man buys you presents they are gifts. There’s no obligation for you to pay him back in any form.

Would you continue paying it?

Out of interest, did you expect anyone to say "Yes, he sounds like he could really be the one. Lucky you OP"

I’ve not read the rest of the thread, so this has probably been said but here goes.

One very functional definition of an addiction is doing something to ease discomfort , that behaviour has negative consequences but you carry on doing it anyway despite the negative consequences .so I think you can safely say that your boyfriend has an addiction.

First an addict need to admit that they’ve got a problem to get anywhere near changing it. In addiction circles the concept of a rock bottom is talked about. that is the point at which they start to take their problem seriously and to resolve to treat it. In my experience it’s often a time and people have been in “helping them“ withdraw the help and they feel the consequences of what they are doing for the first time .

In other words don’t think that you’re doing something bad by withdrawing your help and support you are likely facilitating their recovery

@DiscoStusMoonboots

Grown adults should be able to manage their finances. I understand he has a gambling addiction, but he's not exempt from this rule - or at least shouldn't be. This is a huge burden to place on you after just 6 months and it can only get worse if you enable him.

My gut is that you should, kindly, cut your losses and let him know exactly why.

Exactly.

He is an addict who has found an easy to control way of funding his addiction (you).

See it as the same thing as giving him money to buy heroin.

It's going to get worse - and you will get dragged down with him.

Options:

Stay, let it go on the same way = lose everything.

Stay on condition he acknowledges he has problem, seeks help, changes his ways - and does so.

Take a break, get back in control of your own finances and see if he has changed permanently before considering getting back together.

Clean break.

Run, don't walk. If you stay with him he'll suck you dry, financially and emotionally.

While you are paying his rent he doesn't have a problem. If you stop paying his rent he will very quickly have to face the fact that he does indeed have a problem.

My DSILs DH and father to their two young children has a gambling problem and it is hard but she has more emotionally investment in their LTR relationship. He also admits his problem, goes regularly to gambling anon and has no access to money, she gives him money and he provided receipts.

6 months in? Just leave before you get any deeper. You are already actively enabling him and supporting his addiction.

I've stayed with a gambling addict for 10 years, it never stops, even when they do stop there's always a relapse, don't be like me. Cut your losses early.

You're not paying his rent, you're paying for his gambling.