Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

@lulablakey good spot 😄

I didn't even lose any hours or try to set the kitchen on fire either!

Yep 2022 is the year to get rid of flakey friends.

OP you've had a mauling here, not really necessary your daughter's friend is either old enough to be responsible for her actions or not, either way she behaved terribly. Hopefully this time next year she'll be no more than a cautionary tail for you all.

[quote TheWeeDonkey]@lulablakey good spot 😄

I didn't even lose any hours or try to set the kitchen on fire either!

Yep 2022 is the year to get rid of flakey friends.

OP you've had a mauling here, not really necessary your daughter's friend is either old enough to be responsible for her actions or not, either way she behaved terribly. Hopefully this time next year she'll be no more than a cautionary tail for you all.[/quote]
😁

I would be furious too OP.

We had "friends" who acted disgracefully at our wedding and when they were asked to apologise by other friends, said they couldn't remember what they had done so had nothing to apologise for.

Your DDs friend is aware of what she's done, and owes you all an apology. I also agree that if she's on medication then she should be aware of the effect alcohol consumption would have on her.

Id be furious too OP especially given the lack of acknowledgement let alone apology. Many of us have done stupid things when drunk but a bit of contrition afterwards does not go amiss!!

On another note huge credit to taxi driver who found himself with a very drunk young lady and too extra pains to make sure she got back safely. He could easily have left her for an easier fare.

Console yourself OP with the thought that she probably has had a really appalling hangover all day and probably won't feel superb tomorrow either.

Your dd left her friend, who was very drunk, and came home without her even though friend was staying at your house? First rule of going out is NEVER leave a drunk friend. Anything could have happened to her.
If my dd left a friend like that I would be angry with dd and focusing on teaching them safety.

Most 18yr olds will be on their first New Year’s Eve out, they’re bound to get carried away. It doesn’t mean they have mental health problems and need help, it means they’re 18 and don’t know when to stop yet. The fact she is on medication may have meant her tolerance to alcohol was lower and it took her by surprise, we’ve all done the “fine one minute, completely drunk the next” thing.

Cooking loads of food also doesn’t scream mental health, it screams too drunk to know what they’re doing. Again, pretty normal to happen once. I’d be cross if it happened more than once.

Friend is out if order, but she is an adult. Do not have her in your home again, but if you want to have a word do it with her, not her parents.

@AlternativePerspective

So if the OP had posted here that she and her child had spent the night in hospital after the DD had a friend to stay who put a load of food in the oven and had caused a house fire where they had all sustained smoke inhalation and say, the dog had died, would posters be saying that the girl in question was just being a normal teen.

The only reason why people are reacting the way they are here is because something serious didn’t happen, while at the same time overlooking the fact that it very easily could have. The OP was in fact lucky in this instance that it wasn’t more serious but hey, give the girl a break eh?

And the fact she’s on medication is no excuse. The leaflets in side medications are very specific about if you can’t drink, she will absolutely have known this, and no, wanting a drink on NY isn’t a reason to not bother heeding the warnings on the meds box.

And the girl in question wasn’t the OP’s responsibility. She was going to stay there but didn’t. How is the OP responsible for that exactly?

Interesting isn’t it that when an 18/19 year old goes out and gets smashed and goes back and rashes someone’s house the poor darling is only a child and can’t possibly be blamed because it’s just what teenagers do, yet a 16 year old wants to have sex with their partner and the parents object and suddenly they’re old enough to have sex and to consent, and potentially even to have a baby and bring it up. Double standards much?

18 is an adult. Regardless of the thread. Young adult, but adult. The same people aren't on every thread. If someone says 18 is a child, doesn't mean it's the same people on a different thread saying, 18 is an adult. MN is not a hive mind.

This is really bad behaviour from the friend and I would be pissed off too. She definitely should have apologised and said thanks for your hospitality.

But I do think some of the reactions here are a bit OTT. She's a teenager who went out, got too pissed on NYE and tried to cook some food. Yes what she did was rude and potentially dangerous but there was no harm done. Youve since discovered she's on medication and has had issues with eating before yet you still seem mostly annoyed about some wasted fish fingers? I would be more worried about her state of mind and the trouble she could have got herself in being out at that time alone.

@HeyUpits2022

I would be furious too OP.

We had "friends" who acted disgracefully at our wedding and when they were asked to apologise by other friends, said they couldn't remember what they had done so had nothing to apologise for.

Your DDs friend is aware of what she's done, and owes you all an apology. I also agree that if she's on medication then she should be aware of the effect alcohol consumption would have on her.

These friends

18 year olds?

@yabadabadontdoit

Your dd left her friend, who was very drunk, and came home without her even though friend was staying at your house? First rule of going out is NEVER leave a drunk friend. Anything could have happened to her. If my dd left a friend like that I would be angry with dd and focusing on teaching them safety.

Most 18yr olds will be on their first New Year’s Eve out, they’re bound to get carried away. It doesn’t mean they have mental health problems and need help, it means they’re 18 and don’t know when to stop yet. The fact she is on medication may have meant her tolerance to alcohol was lower and it took her by surprise, we’ve all done the “fine one minute, completely drunk the next” thing.

Cooking loads of food also doesn’t scream mental health, it screams too drunk to know what they’re doing. Again, pretty normal to happen once. I’d be cross if it happened more than once.

I don't know i DD in question tried to get her to return with her, or made sure she was safe, I wasn't there. Last week, DD (admittedly 24, not 18) brought drunk friend home with her unexpectedly as she didn't want to put her in a taxi on her own. Although I would not have been amused at the mess OP faced, I would rather her DF was safe.

@toomuchlaundry

Funny how these young people are adults and not children. On other threads anyone under 25 is not deemed to be an adult

Exactly.

At 18 I was putting myself through Uni in another city and working P/T to do it.

I didn't have spare cash to go out getting bladdered.

SpongeBob exactly. Both my dd have brought drunk friends home, taken drunk friends back to their homes and stayed with them in case they’re ill and had friends do the same for them. It may be 30yrs ago but my friends and I all did the same.

They won't delete a thread just because you don't like every reply.
It's disrespectful of her to behave that way. I had one of my daughters friends flood the bathroom a few weeks ago. She was drunk. I could have told her mum but I didn't. It doesn't seem such a big deal now.

@yabadabadontdoit Tis the Woman code. "No woman left behind".

I'm sorry you had that experience. I think you should give the girl herself a this could have been dangerous firm talking to. Mine were hilarious last night concocting vile smelling dips in my pestle and mortar to go with their chips post clubbing! I did check the oven was off at about 4am but I am a very light sleeper. I was thinking how much I'm going to miss this bit when they are grown up.

Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend.

Some posters have said that the OP’s DD shouldn’t have left her friend, but the friend wasn’t alone, and refused to leave when the DD wanted to. I don’t think there has been any mention of how drunk, (if at all) the friend was when the DD left.

I don't understand why people think that "you damage it, you pay for it" doesn't apply.

My dd2 - 17 - has just left pork belly in a soy/sugar concoction on the stove and buggered off upstairs - smoke everywhere, pan ruined- but apart from asking her to replace the pan and reminding her not to leave pans unattended - I’ve not got angry or lost my shit - it’s an accident- for me being a teen is about learning to become an adult - this naturally involves mistakes along the way

I’m 52 and did the same thing not long ago with a boiled egg 🤷‍♀️

@ghostyslovesheets

My dd2 - 17 - has just left pork belly in a soy/sugar concoction on the stove and buggered off upstairs - smoke everywhere, pan ruined- but apart from asking her to replace the pan and reminding her not to leave pans unattended - I’ve not got angry or lost my shit - it’s an accident- for me being a teen is about learning to become an adult - this naturally involves mistakes along the way

I’m 52 and did the same thing not long ago with a boiled egg 🤷‍♀️

Do you think it's comparable?

To a bit of plastic melting on an oven shelf? - yes

@ghostyslovesheets - sorry - I've no idea where the cross red faces came from!
I certainly didn't think I'd clicked on them!

Okay. Firstly I would be pissed with that behaviour especially to splitting with your daughter on a night out and also the mess/cost. However I would be more worried about the girl in questions health both mentally and physically. It would seem that either her medication reacts with alcohol or she is drinking too much. If it was one of my daughters friends and I had know them that long I would probably know the parents too. I would ask the friend to come over and have a chat down the “look this is the damage and we need to sort out paying for it but also do you need help”.

I don't think it was just that, Ghosty.
The OP's concerns are a bit broader, to be fair.

@Hadalifeonce

You are not being over the top at all. Your DD’s friend has behaved in a disrespectful manner and you absolutely should mention this to her parents, if my daughter did this, I’d want to know and she would be responsible for rectifying this.
The medication should also not be excused for poor behaviour on her part either.

[quote Maireas]@ghostyslovesheets - sorry - I've no idea where the cross red faces came from!
I certainly didn't think I'd clicked on them! [/quote]
it's odd because I can't see them - so don;t worry!