Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

I have teenagers and two in there 20s I would be annoyed but not to any where near the degree shown by some on here. I feel more sorry for your daughter to be honest. No need to call parents over some burnt fish fingers. The disappearing for a couple of hours would be more of a concern to me and what happened to her in that time!

What a peach OP is. Sharing the girl's medical conditions. You don't need a new oven shelf, the plastic will peel off once cool.

I did have a giggle at the OP having a kitchen with multiple ovens and then complaining about the cost of 20 fish fingers!

@OnaBegonia

Have now discovered she is on prescription medication. This can if worms is getting deeper and deeper Seriously? your nastiness towards this girl is really horrible. OP are you alway such a judgemental drama queen?

Agreed. OP sounds like a prissy, judgemental cow who just trashed a teenage girl on medication and, even worse, OP now seems to be thriving off the drama. Disgusting. We all make mistakes when young. Apart from you,OP, evidently you made none, so judge away.

Having ADHD there are a number of medications that you cannot drink excessively on, not only does it negate the affects of the meds but it can also result in quite erratic behaviour. I wonder if this may be the case.

Regardless, if you have known her for almost a decade I would ring her mum and explain the whole situation, focus mainly on the fact she went missing for hours and the fact she nearly set your house on fire. Hopefully the parents will offer to replace the oven tray and can get through to her before she does some real damage.

I feel really sorry for your daughter, what a shit friend she has. As frustrated as you must be, this story could have had a very different ending. Yes the lack of respect is infuriating but you could have woken up to your house alight/slept through and died of smoke inhalation as the house burns around you. It was very very lucky. At the end of the day, a fews tins, a packet of fish fingers and an old oven tray is nothing. But over my dead body would this child (child not adult) be stepping foot in my home nor would DD be spending a night somewhere she is.

YANBU OP. It’s not funny. She could have caused a fire and god knows what else.

@Christinatherabbit

I have teenagers and two in there 20s I would be annoyed but not to any where near the degree shown by some on here. I feel more sorry for your daughter to be honest. No need to call parents over some burnt fish fingers. The disappearing for a couple of hours would be more of a concern to me and what happened to her in that time!

I feel it’s less the burnt fish fingers and more the fact she could have very easily burnt the effing house down!

I hope you do ring her parents just so they are aware.

Young people need all the support they can get these days. Especially young women.

She may have been using drugs or who knows while she was out.

My DD former roomate was found dead in some bushes. She had overdosed and had been assaulted. She was only 21.

Legal age isn't just a power point going on and suddenly they know what to do in all circumstances.
I know many of us, myself included did some careless things late teens early 20s.

Talk to her parents as a caring parent yourself.

I have asked MN to delete this thread, as I realised I was giving out too much information about friend. Just because I have a double oven and a fridge in the garage doesn't mean I am loaded.
My initial fury had lessoned somewhat, but the disrespect shown is still pretty bad.
Mixing meds an alcohol is not a good idea, especially the type friend is on. DD has said she is going to contact me, so will await that contact.
Hopefully, if she is still struggling, she is continuing to get help.

Your reaction is OTT. Young person got drunk and made a mess in kitchen. Burnt something on oven shelf. Yes, it is shit. Yes, she is not a good guest. However, taking pictures to send to her mother and making a huge drama is very odd. Just don't invite her again.

Pleased to see this update - yes, wait to see what she says. Hopefully she will grovel and do her best to make amends. Sorry you've had a rubbish start to the year - hope your day has improved.

The OP posted about the medication issue not to judge, but to stress just how irresponsible the girl has been in mixing medication and alcohol together.

Oh I'd tell her parents, pictures included and tell them straight that I expect to be reimbursed for the damage their badly raised daughter did.

Never have I seen a thread where the OP is a selfish cow because she’s upset that her DD’s friend damaged something, trashed her house and could have caused a house fire. What in the actual fuck, is this why we have so many problems with anti-social behaviour because parents are so precious with their little darlings and make excuses for their disrespectful behaviour 🤦🏻‍♀️

And if this was a son and not a daughter, you’d all be ripping him to shreds not excusing his behaviour because he’s on medication.

It doesn’t really matter if you are giving information out about the friend. It’s not incriminating and it’s anonymous. No one has any idea who you are or who she is.

@Notbeforemycoffeeplease
Where have I been 'the nastiest' person on the thread?
Because I disagree with OP? as have quite a few.
Pointing out this is unnecessary drama and being rather judgemental about drunk teens and their background is NOT nasty, it's a difference of opinion.
Go have another coffee.

I would have called the police and her parents
A teen girl on her own, no communication

This thread is a disgrace. This girl could have burned the OP’s house down ffs! I can’t believe some posters are attacking the OP.

[quote OnaBegonia]@Notbeforemycoffeeplease
Where have I been 'the nastiest' person on the thread?
Because I disagree with OP? as have quite a few.
Pointing out this is unnecessary drama and being rather judgemental about drunk teens and their background is NOT nasty, it's a difference of opinion.
Go have another coffee.[/quote]
I remember clearly being a drunk teen but don’t recall ever almost setting someone’s house on fire 🙄

[quote OnaBegonia]@Notbeforemycoffeeplease
Where have I been 'the nastiest' person on the thread?
Because I disagree with OP? as have quite a few.
Pointing out this is unnecessary drama and being rather judgemental about drunk teens and their background is NOT nasty, it's a difference of opinion.
Go have another coffee.[/quote]
I guess it would be a case of shit happens if this was your house and you could laugh it off, or they’d burnt your house down in the process because you know, teenagers make mistakes.
OP wasn’t being judgemental about her background or causing unnecessary dramas.
Would you honestly be ok, if your son/daughter did this to another persons house?

@throwaway201809

What a peach OP is. Sharing the girl's medical conditions. You don't need a new oven shelf, the plastic will peel off once cool.

I did have a giggle at the OP having a kitchen with multiple ovens and then complaining about the cost of 20 fish fingers!

@throwaway201809 And aren’t you a peach yourself? Thinking it’s somehow acceptable to trash items of food because “oh! OP has multiple ovens!! She must be a millionaire!” Totally stupid. I wonder if your username is a reflection of your attitude to things in general.

@almay8830
And you sound like a nasty name-caller. I’d love to see your reaction if your house was trashed in a similar manner. Oh let me guess, you’d do an MN tinkly laugh and pretend to be cool and reminisce with the DD’s friend about the similar shenanigans you got up to when you were dangerously drunk.

What she didn't isn't good, especially the lack of apology/leaving without speaking. She is an adult though and you need to go to her rather than her parents.

I would contact the family but out of concern rather than anger. If she is recovering from an eating disorder the amount of food prepared could be significant.

From the ages she is probably first year uni, so yes a adult but not a fully independent one, still living at home, with family support. And it sounds like she needs the support.

(Those saying an oven tray - it was the actually oven shelf, they are a bit more to replace, but I recommend espares)

Let me tell you: being ill and having to take medication is pretty shit in itself. Then knowing that you shouldn't do normal things like having some drinks on NYE is even shitter. Perhaps she just wanted to feel normal for a bit and took it too far. It happens, especially when you're in your late teens and finding your limits with drinking.

Yes, she could have caused a fire. But she didn't. She could have left the front door wide open and let burglars in, but she didn't do that either. Lots of things could have happened but didn't, so there's no point raging about them.

@NatriumChloride

Agreed! It’s bizarre shit parents think it’s ok to do this to another persons house.

And what a judgmental comment about the oven because if you have a double oven you’re loaded 😂

@TequilaBlaze

Let me tell you: being ill and having to take medication is pretty shit in itself. Then knowing that you shouldn't do normal things like having some drinks on NYE is even shitter. Perhaps she just wanted to feel normal for a bit and took it too far. It happens, especially when you're in your late teens and finding your limits with drinking.

Yes, she could have caused a fire. But she didn't. She could have left the front door wide open and let burglars in, but she didn't do that either. Lots of things could have happened but didn't, so there's no point raging about them.

Oh ffs please stop minimising this woman’s behaviour. The fact she is on mental health medication is neither here nor there, it doesn’t prevent you from knowing right from wrong.