Absolutely Bloody Furious

[Hadalifeonce]

DD went out with some friends last night, one of them staying with us. DD arrived home about 2:30am; no friend! Apparently she refused to come back with DD. I asked what friend was planning, DD had no idea, friend was not responding to any communication, she was with another friend so DD was communicating with 2nd friend. Then 1st friend disappeared so 2nd friend had no idea, 1st friend was off radar. I waited up til 4, DD came down saying still no contact. So we both went to bed. I lay awake, worried about this friend wondering what the hell she might do.
5am I hear DD go down and out the front door, Friend had got a taxi back but didn't know our address so the taxi driver got hold of her phone, found DD's name and called to get address.

I was woken about 8:30 by a strange smell. Came down to the kitchen, oven on, dozen or so charred fish fingers on the hob, couple of burnt fishcakes, an open tin of beans, various other jars opened and smeared on work surfaces; crap all over the floor. In the oven was a melted plastic lump embedded in the shelf, obviously a meal from the freezer put in the oven. DH has just found the fish finger pack, and remaining ones in the pantry.

When they surfaced, DD knew nothing of this, friend was just laughing saying she didn't remember anything, not just the food, but from about midnight.
DH stopped me going into the kitchen because I was so angry. DD and friend cleared up most of it, but friend's lift was waiting..... She left our house without saying a word to us.

DD was in tears, I have told DD that friend us no longer welcome in our house, and she needs to pay for the oven shelf she has ruined.

DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her. We have known the family for about 8 years and I wanted to contact friend's mum to tell her what her daughter has done, as she is a student, I expect her parents will end up having to pay for my new oven shelf.

Crap start to the new year! Sorry it's long, but I cannot fully describe the total mess and blatant waste of food.

[quote Lady089]@Hadalifeonce

You are not being over the top at all. Your DD’s friend has behaved in a disrespectful manner and you absolutely should mention this to her parents, if my daughter did this, I’d want to know and she would be responsible for rectifying this.
The medication should also not be excused for poor behaviour on her part either.[/quote]
You would not be more interested in being contacted at 4am in the morning by the OP to say that your daughter was unaccounted for and not responding to multiple messages?

"DD is really pissed off too, and has asked me not to do anything until she has communicated with her"

Any update on this OP?

Gosh, would people read the OP already? OP’s DD didn’t leave her friend alone. The friend was with friend 2.

Excitedforthefuture

Not when they’re an adult. The daughters friend was with another friend and the OP daughter was communicating with her and what exactly was she meant to do anyway, drag her to her home by her hair?
OP and the DD are not responsible for her whereabouts.
OP daughter left knowing she was with another friend, she has done nothing wrong.

Nit-picking at this and avoiding the drunk woman’s disrespectful behaviour is madness.

@Lady089

Excitedforthefuture

Not when they’re an adult. The daughters friend was with another friend and the OP daughter was communicating with her and what exactly was she meant to do anyway, drag her to her home by her hair?
OP and the DD are not responsible for her whereabouts.
OP daughter left knowing she was with another friend, she has done nothing wrong.

Nit-picking at this and avoiding the drunk woman’s disrespectful behaviour is madness.

It’s crazy, isn’t it?? Let’s all ignore the fact that this drunk friend trashed OP’s kitchen and almost burnt the house down, and let’s instead place the blame at OP’s daughter’s feet for daring to leave her friend with another friend. And while we’re at it, let’s all imply that the OP is a cheapskate who is bemoaning the loss of a packet of fish fingers because… OP has a double oven and therefore is loaded!

Gosh, this place sometimes.

I'll set up a GoFundMe for the extinguished fish fingers.

If we all chip in a few pence, we'll meet the target in no time

@Lady089

Excitedforthefuture

Not when they’re an adult. The daughters friend was with another friend and the OP daughter was communicating with her and what exactly was she meant to do anyway, drag her to her home by her hair?
OP and the DD are not responsible for her whereabouts.
OP daughter left knowing she was with another friend, she has done nothing wrong.

Nit-picking at this and avoiding the drunk woman’s disrespectful behaviour is madness.

So if she’s a adult

Why are you suggesting it would be appropriate for the OP to contact her parents

If an adult behaves badly, you’d contact their Mum?

The other friend had no idea where this girl was

18 year old female
Not communicating with anyone
No one knows where she is
Early hours of the morning on NYE

And you’d do nothing because you’re not responsible for her

@Excitedforthefuture

Yes an adult but a young adult, so yes I’d address it with the parents, as clearly the woman shows no remorse.

I’d also want them to know and to speak to her about it, I’m sure the drunk woman would rather her parents addressed it with her than the friends mother.

Are you saying it’s ok for her to do this to another persons property? Without an apology, an offer to rectify the situation?
Then to make a social media post laughing about it the next day.

I don’t get it

So you wouldn’t be bothered about where she is because she is an adult

But you’d contact her mummy about her poor behaviour?

@Excitedforthefuture

18 year old female Not communicating with anyone No one knows where she is Early hours of the morning on NYE

And you’d do nothing because you’re not responsible for her

Are we all meant to know where our 18 year olds are at all times on a night out now and be responsible for everyone else’s adult son/daughter 😂

Also read the post FFS, when the OP daughter left, she was with another friend.

No it’s no alright!!!

I would contact the parents - hell yes
I would also have been beside myself worrying at 4am and contacted the parents then

But the second friend loses her
At which point no one knew where the girl was

I just don’t get your stance

She’s an adult so I shouldn’t be bothered that NYE and no one knows where she is and she’s not responding

But you would then contact her mum the next day to complain about her

I don’t get it. Either she’s an adult and you don’t do either. Or she’s not and you do both.

@Excitedforthefuture

I don’t get it

So you wouldn’t be bothered about where she is because she is an adult

But you’d contact her mummy about her poor behaviour?

Who refers to an 18 year olds parent as a mummy

Yes the parent should know.

You still haven’t answered.

Would you be happy for someone to trash your kitchen and damage something and post on social media about it the next day.
Off course you wouldn’t!

* Are we all meant to know where our 18 year olds are at all times on a night out now*

4am
NYE
Female
Yes, I’d like to know where my 18 year old daughter was at 4am
And I’d extend that concern to her friend of the plan had been for the girl to stay at mine

Oh my god

No I would not be happy.
I would contact the parents about that AND fact that the girl was AWOL at 4am

You’d only do it about the mess!

I dont see 18 years old as an adult
So yes I would contact the parents about the appalling disrespect
AND in the early hours

But you think she’s an adult at 4am
But now when she messes up the kitchen

But not when she messes up the kitchen

@Excitedforthefuture

But the second friend loses her At which point no one knew where the girl was

Why is it now the OP daughters problem because the second friend lost her, after she left? Should she have walked the streets herself in the dark looking for her and dragged her back to her home by her hair. Do you know where your grown up adult child is, every hour of the night when they have nights out? Your responses are bizarre, it’s as if you’re blaming everyone else but the drunk woman.

@Excitedforthefuture

I dont see 18 years old as an adult So yes I would contact the parents about the appalling disrespect AND in the early hours

But you think she’s an adult at 4am
But now when she messes up the kitchen

An 18 year old is an adult

So you think the woman who had no remorse should just get away with it?
Where will she learn respect and see that her actions have consequences, she clearly doesn’t care, so her parents should be informed, come to a solution and hopefully she won’t do it again, it’s not up to OP to parent the woman.
You don’t stop becoming a parent when your child turns 18.

I do blame the girl for the appalling disrespect

But for me and some others
As mothers
I could not go to bed at 3am knowing that an 18 year old female who was meant to be staying at my home was still out, not responding to contact and no one knew she was.

You see it as overprotective
I see it as me looking out for a girl / young adult at a very late time of night
And I’d hope another mother would do the same. Or indeed a human being.

But you stuck yourself up in bed and not get it another thought. Fair enough

I have repeatedly said that I WOULD contact her parents the next day about the horrendous state of the kitchen

@Sweetpea84

Yes it must be because she has adhd

Off topic

It really?….