Help! My son uttered the words I've been dreading...

[delightly]

He came in from school, sat down beside me and said "By the way, I think you and Dad are Santa. You drink the milk and eat the mince pie. Plus the tooth fairy isn't real either, I think you put the money down and do whatever with the tooth".

He's 8. And he said it all in front of his 5 year old brother!! FML. Then he dissected put the kibosh on the Easter bunny

I have read many threads about this on here over the years and had this moment all planned.... and then went to complete pieces when it actually happened

He's started questioning everything, we've watched a few movies lately and he's talking about how it's not real with green screens and it's actors pretending such and such. He's been pretty cynical in general lately!

What should I do?? I remember when I was starting to question Santa and my stepmum confirmed it right away which was devastating, I still remember how gutted I was!

When our eldest worked it out and asked out right we told her yes it was us. Then explained that now she knows she gets to become a Father Christmas too. She now helps pick out little things to go in the younger kids' stockings whilst still getting a stocking of her own that we have put together. She loves being Father Christmas and helping keep the magic going.

I just say are you sure? And change the subject. Still do it to my 26year old and 18 year old. My 10 year old hasn't believed in years.

None of them seem damaged by my continued lying

@Mommabear20

I don't understand why believing in Santa is seen as weird after a certain age but god is normal 🤷‍♀️ I'll encourage my kids to believe in Santa for as long as I can!

I imagine that’s because many people have a sincere belief in their deities whereas we know that parents fill their children’s stockings with presents. I’m not religious but I always think this argument misses the point somewhat.

Very well said @toastofthetown

Mine put me on the spot before he was 7.
He read in an old-fashioned kids' book, of all places, about lovely mothers filling stockings. He already suspected and had asked sort of before, but we gave him an evasive answer.

This time I did all the usual stuff about once there was a Saint Nicholas and we all give presents in honour of him but he asked outright several times and I had to tell the truth. He was upset but now I think pleased to 'know' and still go along with it for sibling's sake.

I've said it's still nice to believe even if you know the truth...

My 8 year old told me this year that he knew Santa wasn’t real because he’d googled it on grown up google .

I never thought it would bother me but I was in tears. It felt like the end of an era. Even worse because he’s an only child.

@ohreallynotreally

My daughter stopped believing when she was 5…she then proceeded to tell me that she had told her younger brother who was 3 ! she didn’t want me to worry about him believing in someone that wasn’t real! 🙄

My 5yr old worked it out - and told the rest of her class - but then told us she would keep the secret until her younger siblings were 5.

Which was a bit odd anyway as we never pretended Santa was real - and her grandpa was the Santa for the local kids at the Youth club, so she had seen him in the gear.

Nothing traumatic or devastating about understanding reality, you can still enjoy the fiction of a Santa, just like you enjoy the fiction of a Harry Potter or talking Lions.

@Mommabear20 I love your bluntness! 🤣

Told first DC and broke her heart a little bit let the other two carry on and I assume they have worked it out as one is an adult now!

I don't think I ever had the conversation with my parents, found out at school but never said anything. I assume my kids were the same, they've never told me they don't believe but as their children get stuff from Father Christmas I suppose they have figured it out.

I always told mine Father Christmas was really St Nicholas and told them the story of the kind Bishop who gave presents to poor children.

Magic comes in more than one form.

@Lushplease

My dc are 10&12 and I'm still evasive if anything's mentioned about Santa not being real. DS - "I know it's you Mum. Santa is in no way real". Me- Oh, are you sure? ( Change subject).

I've never confirmed anything and it has kept a little spark of magic imo.

Wise words.

My ds is 11. Not sure if he knows, but if he mentioned anything I'd probably handle like you have done.

It's exactly what @GreenClock said. It's the feeling of another milestone passing, a sign he's growing up and not the little boy he once was. It's a sign of time passing. Similar to when he was a newborn and all the stages he then went through, that although wonderful, was tinged with a wistful sadness as that part of our lives was over.

I enjoy who he is now, I love the way his mind works and the things he comes out with but, ugh, it still makes my eyes fill up a little.

I remember coming on here when he was a baby and asking about believing in Santa and whether I should do it or not as I felt uncomfortable keeping up a lie. I'll need to think about some more, I was pretty vague when he was talking about it and as his brother was there I wasn't going to get into a big discussion about it.

This thread has reminded me about discussing it with him about keeping the magic alive. I love Christmas and always have, so it's not just been since having children and it being all about Santa.

@allUser12398712 I have no idea where that came from! Poor Easter bunny

I’ve never understood why we lie to our kids about this stuff.

I am such a grinch!

@santasgnome

What's all this talk about Santa not being real? My kids know he's real because they know I'm too useless to pull Christmas off the way Santa does... I'll never back down

My son was like that when he asked me where babies came from. He laughed and said, "Don't be silly no one would trust dad to do that. The doctor does it doesn't he."

I had to tell DS2 before he want to high school as he is a trusting and credulous soul.

Like @MrsRussell I went down the "Father Christmas is an idea, a role that people take on to provide happiness and magic for the people they love. My parents were my Father Christmas and one day you might choose to be Father Christmas for someone. It's a lovely job to take on."

Eldest and youngest worked it out themselves, although ACTUAL bloody NORAD providing the Santa tracker had eldest convinced for a long time - "They are in charge of Nuclear Weapons, Mum! They don't mess about with imaginary things, so it must be true."

Devastated

My children are adults or as good as, and I refuse to engage with any of the "Father Christmas isn't real" nonsense they've been spouting for the past 15 years or so. They still do the Norad Track Santa (sic) and still put pillow cases out, along with port and mince pies even though Mother Christmas prefers gin

My dad still tells me FC is real, and I still receive presents from FC so it must be true.

My only negative brush with FC was when he wrote my name on my Rio album sleeve. I mean, what kind of monster would deface anything by DD?

@Panacotta

I just say, with a very calm, straight face: "well you can believe whatever you like, but I know he's real" And shrug. "Up to you... you might not get any presents from him if you don't believe he exists..."

What? I hope this is a joke.

3 year old asked us the other day of Santa was really and wasn't dissuaded by the vague, "Well what do you think DD?" answer. She asked again, "But is he really real?" DS(5) then said that he definitely is. So we will leave it there for now but this might be our last Christmas really pretending.

3 and 5 is a bit younger than we would have expected but I don't get the devastation aspect of it.

I’ve always said Father Christmas comes to everyone who believes in him. Mine are grown up now and we all agree.

@HonoreDeBallsack "My only negative brush with FC was when he wrote my name on my Rio album sleeve. I mean, what kind of monster would deface anything by DD?" Hahaha! Inconceivable!

Imaginary tales of Santa Claus and the Easter bunny seem to have hijacked our two major Christian festivals, to the point where disappointment over their nonexistence looms larger to children than the much more important reality of the birth and resurrection of Christ.
Surely once your DC realise that Santa is fake, that is the time to stress that the gift of Christ to all humanity is real, life changing and for eternity. And is actually what Christmas is celebrating. There is no disappointment in Jesus.

I have a 6 year old who isn’t under any illusion that a magical man delivers his presents and is perfectly excited about Christmas. I have a nearly 2 year old who will follow in her brothers footsteps and we shall all continue to have wonderful magical holidays.

The OP befuddles me. How is this “devastating”?

@ancientgran That's made my afternoon....😂 😂 😂 😂

@allOnatree As a child, I was devastated to have it confirmed.

My DD came home with a reading scheme book that debunked the Easter Bunny when she was 5!!! Fortunately I looked at it before she did, and sent it back to school the next day with an apologetic note asking her teacher if she could swap it unread, because she was a believer!