Help! My son uttered the words I've been dreading...

[delightly]

He came in from school, sat down beside me and said "By the way, I think you and Dad are Santa. You drink the milk and eat the mince pie. Plus the tooth fairy isn't real either, I think you put the money down and do whatever with the tooth".

He's 8. And he said it all in front of his 5 year old brother!! FML. Then he dissected put the kibosh on the Easter bunny

I have read many threads about this on here over the years and had this moment all planned.... and then went to complete pieces when it actually happened

He's started questioning everything, we've watched a few movies lately and he's talking about how it's not real with green screens and it's actors pretending such and such. He's been pretty cynical in general lately!

What should I do?? I remember when I was starting to question Santa and my stepmum confirmed it right away which was devastating, I still remember how gutted I was!

I always think of the marvellous words of Terry Pratchett in 'The Hogfather' when Death is talking about belief in the magic of Hogswatch (Christmas):

“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.”

It's good that he realizes movies aren't real though...

@Comedycook

When my Ds was ten...he came home and told me he realised it was me and Santa wasn't real and said "go on mum, you can tell me, I know he's not real". So I basically said yes he was right, it was me. He looked horrified and told me he was just bluffing and he had still believed until I admitted it!

Ha - my DD did this then ran upstairs crying and shouting ‘I hate you’ FML

Mince pie and milk, for Santa,that's dreadful, only ever known sherry!

@PoleFairy

More stunned about how many people are saying "santa" in this thread! Its Father Christmas surely?

Do you mean Père Noël?

Don’t believe - don’t receive

They play along then!

Yet some are happy to tell our children that god is real?

Aw. My 9yo busted the tooth fairy this year but is still a Father Christmas believer. My 11yo on the other hand has more sense than to question sources of money and presents

My daughter did this at 7. I simply said if you dont believe you might not get presents and that's not a risk I'd be willing to take if it were me! She's not said it again now and she's 9. I think she knows but she doesn't say anything, I actually think she enjoys the make believe.

"Father Christmas is real, but he's not a jolly man in a red suit like in the pictures. Father Christmas is everyone who does something to make Christmas special for someone else; so I am Father Christmas, and so is Daddy, and Grandma, Granddad, Auntie X and Uncle Y .... and now you. Now you're Father Christmas too, and it's your job to keep the special magic going for your younger brother and cousins..."

• is what I told 8yo DD earlier this year when she worked it out and asked me directly. She is thrilled with her special new role.

I told mine that Father Christmas only comes to those who believe in him. They're all in their 40s and 50s now....and we all believe in him!

My older brother told me when I was 9... still not forgiven him! My DD 12 knows, has done since she was 10.. she calls Santa Mummy Christmas now & we joke about it :-) (I'm a single mum lol). Keep the magic alive as long as you can I say..

Why would you want to make an 8 year old believe a lie? About 4 I was told it's not real and that it's all just nice stories (tooth fairy, santa etc) I don't think I'd have appreciated the adults around me lying to me until I was 10+ and being devastated that I was smart enough to distinguish fact from fiction. Be happy that your child is critically thinking, basing their beliefs on evidence, and can question what adults tell him. Christmas stories and traditions are nice but it really needn't be so emotionally consuming.

Shame it's not January when this talk would be a lot easier.

8 is a perfectly normal age to know but I'd be drumming into him that he needs to play along for younger kids like his brother. I think it's sad how many adults are upset when their kids work it out when the kids are fine about it. Personally I was proud of my kids for playing along/being discreet for the kids who believe. I remember my son saying how hard it was to keep schtum and rather than lie he would just say nothing if the topic came up in the playground

@Shallwegoforawalk

Devastating? Oh get a grip it's a perfectly normal part of them growing up.

Yes its perfectly normal but wind your neck in.

It's always hard when you can't even pretend that your baby isn't actually a baby anymore.

People talk about lying and I even referred to it as a lie in my post upthread but actually I have always seen it as suspension of disbelief - my father told me tales of dragons and myths when i was very young, I tell my dc similar stories and of Gods who have entire universes down their throats and all that, it isn't so much a lie more a metaphoric narration maybe. I don't think my dc believe in dragons or universes down throats either but it has never been said out loud.

Santa is talked about at school, I think most of the kids hear at school he isn't real. At home dc say what they really want and it is hard to always intercept boxes from Amazon. I reckon they believe in their imagination but rationally know i buy the presents, both at the same time

@Turquoisesol

I wouldn’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know just before Xmas. He wants you to confirm Santa is real, he doesn’t want you to confirm Santa isn’t real. Just be evasive and say he can believe what he wants to believe but Santa might only come to those who believe.

Why? The very fact that he has mentioned these things means that he has worked it out. I can’t understand why people feel the need to prolong the belief in Father Christmas. I think it is better to be matter of fact and tell him to keep his new-found knowledge to himself and join the grownups in keeping it a secret from his younger brother.

Of course you can tell him if you feel that is best. It does depend on the individual child. I just know a few kids who have been utterly distraught when their parents confirmed it. They had suspicions, but they didn’t really want to know the truth as they were still young and wanted to hold on to the idea he was real. I don’t really like the whole Father Christmas lie myself. I wish it wasn’t a thing as I hate lying to my children. But it’s just how do you manage it now, that you are in the midst of the lie. How to let them down gently as it can be upsetting for them.

None of mine ever found it a big deal tbh. Certainly not devastating!

In our house Santa brings the main present only, and generally something that I have decided is not appropriate and there's no way he's getting. This year his football goals are getting an upgrade which I was adamant wasn't happening because they're huge and take up so much space and ruin the grass. But I caved because he loves his football and I thought that would be better than a new tablet, which he never asked for. I think he'll be surprised about that. Everything else comes from us (Mum & Dad) and family, they know that. DH and I decided fairly early on there was no way Santa was getting all the credit! We don't do stockings in our house - we do giant sacks with our gifts.

Re the Easter bunny, I've never been into the Easter bunny at all (the thought alone creeps me out - a giant bunny?? No thanks). I was brought up going to church so it was never a big deal for me, I got Easter eggs but they were from family. When my kids came along I wanted to make Easter more fun so started doing egg hunts in the garden every year but never mentioned the Easter bunny. My kids just somehow latched onto it being some giant rabbit that came and hid them around garden. One year I actually said I don't think there's any such thing as an Easter bunny and I do it but they didn't believe me! So I've just never mentioned it again.

We do the tooth fairy although there's been no teeth lost for a couple of years. I found one of my eldest's teeth the other day and went to show him but DH said not to because then he'd know the tooth fairy wasn't real. That had never crossed my mind.

Also, about referring to the jolly fat man as Santa and not Father Christmas. It gets brought up on MN threads every year. He's called many different things dependent on where in the world you live, or were brought up. I would've thought Santa Claus was more mainstream in English speaking countries. It's used in most of the Christmas movies since many are made in the US where Santa is also used. It's not exactly unusual.

@Lushplease

My dc are 10&12 and I'm still evasive if anything's mentioned about Santa not being real. DS - "I know it's you Mum. Santa is in no way real". Me- Oh, are you sure? ( Change subject).

I've never confirmed anything and it has kept a little spark of magic imo.

This is how it was for us growing up, we never needed an adult to confirm we got to an age where we had worked it out. My Mum would always protest innocence and it was just a family joke in the end. Same with my older ones no confirmation from us that they can use to ruin magic for the younger ones.

Some kids that age already thinking about sex with a girlfriend/boyfriend.maybe that puts his Santa Clause realisation into perspective.

DD was relieved when she realised Father Christmas wasn't real as the idea of a strange man coming into the house had creeped her out. Ditto the tooth fairy. Makes sense really!

@DarkDarkNight

My 8 year old told me this year that he knew Santa wasn’t real because he’d googled it on grown up google .

I never thought it would bother me but I was in tears. It felt like the end of an era. Even worse because he’s an only child.

I remember a conversation one Christmas morning when my older brother asked if I believed, I didn't.

We decided we would both pretend for the sake of our parents.

My 'children' are 18/22. I have always told them St Nicholas was a 11th century Saint. Thats all I say. Believe or not. Still have Santa sacks.