Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

My absolute worst foot in mouth moment was many years ago when we bumped into a former colleague of then DHs who I'd never previously met.

We had a newborn DD in tow and she had her 10yo son and baby daughter with her. I commented on her being brave to go for No 2 with such a big age gap and she smiled and carried on making small talk.

As she went on her way DH turned and hissed at me 'it's a big age gap because her first husband died'.

Mortified doesn't even begin to touch it and with hindsight I can't believe I said that for multiple reasons...can only put it down to baby brain .

Hello teeth 🤣😂🤣

I have one from a few years ago, my DH had collected my teen DSS and as he walked through the front door I said ‘oh is it raining?’, he looked at me confused. Then I realised his hair wasn’t wet it was just typically greasy teenage hair 🤦‍♀️

@devuskums

Hello teeth

As I stepped off the bus the other day, a turned to the driver and said cheerily ‘HIYA!!’.
What I meant to say was ‘thank you.’ I then did the most dramatic face palm, doubled over on the pavement when I realised what I’d said.
I’m not naturally dramatic at all

@OakPine

I said to the Big Issue seller. You can go home now you've sold your last paper. He said "If I had a F home, I wouldn't be F selling the F big F issue in the F street" Why I then said "No need to swear!" I have no idea!

This made me lol@your indignant reply. Brilliant 😂

A colleague spotted me in the corridor and said excitedly “oh you are really starting to show now!”

She had got me mixed up with another colleague who was pregnant - I wasn’t.

@Visitors

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric. We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Sorry OP but that's brilliant! 😂😂😂

You sound lovely btw 😁

@Row1n

In my head I was formulating a compliment about how my friend can wear anything and make it look amazing, what I actually said was 'look at you in your Tesco boots'

💀💀💀

"Have you burnt your arm?"
"No it's a birthmark"
"Oh, how long have you had it?"
To my very amused father

Mine is about me and it really did make me laugh. I was the only person working at the bar I supervised.
I was collecting glasses and wiping tables etc. As I approached the hatch I heard a customer (one of our regulars) say "Where's Miss Piggy gone? I need a drink." I replied ever so brightly and enthusiastically "I'm here Gonzo! Give me a sec to wash my trotters."
He did apologise but I never chatted or helped him with technology issues again. (I unlocked his phone for him and showed him how to his ipad a lot)

I've just remembered DS being young and nosy, he must have been about 6 or 7. He said to one of my colleagues "why have you only got one eye? Are you a pirate? Where's your patch?"

DS had a squint and had to wear patches until he was 5, so to him it was a perfectly reasonable solution to only having one eye. I was mortified that he had mentioned it though, I had always been curious but it's not something you ask is it? Colleague took it well and told him he had had an accident, and said he didn't mind kids asking because they are just inquisitive. I still cringe when I see him at work though, 15 years later!

OP I have very nearly done the exact same jumper/dandruff thing with my exes 80 year old dad, at Christmas time, on their doorstep. I too also said/partially shouted 'look at you!........' then THANKFULLY stepped closer to hug him in that second and stopped short as I realised. but my enthusiasm was very much OTT and out of place and I looked weird. And same as you, he would never ever wear glittery clothing, ever. Very grey/brown, church going, quiet gent - I don't know what I was thinking - I guess in the light the dandruff really does glitter and it looks real at first glance!

The poster who kissed someone on the lips with the awkward lean ins made me cackle, I did that too, with the same (poor) man, in a church!! Because he was so sweet he acted like it didn't happen.

Our bin is always overflowing on bin day so DH puts bags beside the bin to be lifted. A few months ago (not long after having a baby may I add) I looked out of my upstairs window an hour after the binmen had been to see rubbish all over our driveway. I went out to put it in the bin only to realise the birds had obviously pecked and the bags and opened them all over our driveway. Everything else was gone but there were multiple sanitary towels and tampon applicators lying out for all to see on our driveway 😳 Never been more embarrassed at who could potentially have walked past in that time and saw that! Was one of those moments where I came back in, shut the door and contemplated packing up my stuff and moving to the other side of the world 🤣

@PunchedTit4ASoul

Mine is about me and it really did make me laugh. I was the only person working at the bar I supervised. I was collecting glasses and wiping tables etc. As I approached the hatch I heard a customer (one of our regulars) say "Where's Miss Piggy gone? I need a drink." I replied ever so brightly and enthusiastically "I'm here Gonzo! Give me a sec to wash my trotters." He did apologise but I never chatted or helped him with technology issues again. (I unlocked his phone for him and showed him how to his ipad a lot)

Very impressive quick retort!

OP, I would momentarily cringe at that, but it was an honest mistake and maybe he'll sort his dandruff out now....there's loads of treatments available and if they don't work the GP will refer to a dermatologist

@Invisimamma

My colleague was looking at another colleagues wedding photo on her desk and said 'oh how lovely, your dad looks really sweet in that photo'... It wasn't her dad, it was the groom.

I can top that - asked somebody’s dad to wait outside the cubicle while I examined her (medical appointment). It wasn’t her dad, it was her wife .

In my defence, she was about 30 years older than the patient and seemed to be cosplaying Count Arthur Strong.

Welcome to my life op 😕

I worked in hospitality when I was younger and nipped to use the customer toilets. I was doing my number 1 when a customer opened the door and said oh sorry. I then had to serve them for the next few hours.

A few times on trains as above

One year I accidentally joined a funeral procession

One year I accidentally joined a wedding and ended up doing the last dance with the brides dad.

Every day more or less is a story. I in all honesty shouldn't leave the house 😂

I met a close university friend after some years had.passed. He told me his brother had been ill and had actually died a month ago. I said " oh no, is he all right?". Just because it's what you say when you hear someone is ill or has had an accident, but it must have looked like I wasn't paying attention. My friend said, understandably crossly, " no, he's dead".

A woman in a bar came over to talk to me. I was possibily looking a bit blank - I'd had a few drinks - and she said, "Do you recognise me?" I merrily replied, "Oh yes, I've often seen you bringing your grandchildren to school." Yes, you've guessed it - she was their mum.

Crying at these, thank you for making my day

Years ago as a teen, I was chatting away to a much older acquaintance and said, " You have one of the faces that you can tell you must have been attractive as a young man".. and to another poor bloke in the jacuzzi at the gym: " So do tattoos smudge after years? What did they used to say"
Not smudge no. Just wrinkled 😳

@FlosCampi laughed out loud, oh no 😂😂

A community do in Sheffield

I overheard someone asking David Blunkett if he had driven there.

Can't stand Blunkett but, being fair, he laughed and said, 'Thankfully No'

@StarryNightSparkles
Please tell how you managed to join a funeral procession and a wedding 🤣 sounds like something I'd do, I'm a walking disaster!

I think I come off as the offender in this one. Many moons ago I was discussing my 30th birthday plans at work. The 16/17 apprentice was there, he was more confident than I would have been in his place but basically in offensive. Subject of my ds came up and he said I should let him come to the night out. Confused me because he was 5. Turns out he’d seen me with my also teenage cousin and assumed he was ds. Simple misunderstanding. Nope big mouth here suddenly says “how could I have a teenage child?” And a load of other tosh. Which obviously is perfectly possible at 30. So apprentice went red and said he was totally impressed that a teenage mum had made it so far in life especially since I always talked about ds so fondly.

Why decide to embarrass the poor lad and disparage young mums in 1 fail swoop.