Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Many many years ago walking along in my nurses uniform. I heard shouts from a van, I thought they had asked for directions. So walked up and asked “ Where do you want to go” to bemused looks. So I asked again where they wanted . Turned out they had shouted out “ Hey sexy” or something similar. Could have died on the spot.

[quote SnickettyLemon]**@FusciasBright21@DonnieDark
Those stories remind me of when my DD was in primary school and the teacher was getting them to say their names but swapping over initials of first name and surname. So for example Daisy Brown became Baisy Drown, and Barney Fisher became Farney Bisher etc. All went well until Callum Hunt shouted out his new name.[/quote]
Yes, I've heard that story, except Carol instead of Callum.

[quote SnickettyLemon]**@FusciasBright21@DonnieDark
Those stories remind me of when my DD was in primary school and the teacher was getting them to say their names but swapping over initials of first name and surname. So for example Daisy Brown became Baisy Drown, and Barney Fisher became Farney Bisher etc. All went well until Callum Hunt shouted out his new name.[/quote]
I heard Robin Hood and his merry men used to enjoy that game. All was well until Friar Tucks turn.

This had me crying with laughter @190190tnt

@Rokerwriter

I was sitting in a friend's kitchen as she was preparing dinner for our two families and I was telling her a story about a really naff Christmas hamper. I literally said the words "I mean, who eats bloody tinned ham?!" as she reached into her cupboard and pulled out a tin of Ye Olde Oake Ham to add to the pasta bake. We did that let's just agree that never happened thing and changed the subject. I still cringe. She was being so kind and going to a lot of trouble

Similar error. I made friends with a group of mums at a baby class with DS. After being friends for a few months we were talking about clothes and I said 'oh I can't stand clothes with Disney on, I find it really twee'. Then looked up to see my friends baby wearing a Mickey mouse t shirt. We both made eye contact and it was never spoken of again but I feel my toes curl when I think of it.

@Aposterhasnoname - that's an even funnier version!

Once, at a Slimming World group in a local church hall, I was praised by the leader in front of the whole group of mostly older ladies about my weight loss and asked whether I had any tips. I told them that alongside Slimming World, I had taken up ‘intermittent fisting’.

I meant fasting.

The friend I was with nearly died laughing.

I have another one, again it wasn't me who said it.

I was reading Les Parisiennes. For those of you who haven't read it, it is about women in Paris under the nazi occupation and includes collaborators, Resistance members and women just trying to make ends meet.

Anyway, some of the women in the book found themselves in concentration camps; some were Resistance and some were arrested by the nazis "just in case". So one of the pages in the illustrations was a page of thumbnail photos of survivors who managed to return to Paris.

I was out with a friend who picked up the book and flicked through the pictures. "Who is this bunch of old bags?" He asked.

I didn't feel much pity and told him.

My next door neighbour came round once qnd asked if we had a shovel.. i said yes got it for him then made a joke asking if his dog had been naughty again and was he intending to bury it under the patio... only in actual fact that was what he was doing with it. His dog had died earlier that day from parvo virus.

I coudnt apologise enough

Notalwaysmad I hope the men felt embarassed because they're the only ones who had a reason to.

Just sent a Teams message to a colleague re someone turning up for their meeting because he thought it was in person (he didn't get the message it has been changed to Teams).

Me: "poor soul's sat there all alone now" - only to be told by someone else (who was also on the meeting) that the message popped up FOR EVERYONE TO SEE because said colleague was sharing their screen

Good job I didn't call him a silly old fool

I’ve just read all 23 pages of this thread over the past few days when I got a spare moment.

Absolute favs are ‘Tesco boots’, ‘William Shatner’ and ‘hello teeth’

I have a mark between my boobs which I was meant to keep an eye on and see if it grew. I'd take photos of it but would have to do so without a bra on so as to see the real size as opposed to cleavage hiding it.
Anyway, went on a second date with someone and went to show them something on my photos, somehow my phone betrayed me and seemed to scroll itself really fast and landed on said photo. To say I was mortified is an understatement. Thankfully he was gentlemanly about and managed to convince me not to leave.

I know my father in law has no legs, therefore he has no feet. I have bought him socks twice at Christmas. It's like I just forget.
Window cleaner watched his own fathers funeral over the internet in my garden. I didn't know what to say so I said ‘ill prey for you’ eh??? Haha

I'm sure I've done loads of embarrassing things, but have wiped them from my memory. The only one that comes to mind is when I met one of my husbands friends for the first time. In my defense it was at a loud party so I might have missed a few words. Anyway my husband introduced us and then we started having a chat. He asked what I did for a living. Told him then I asked what he did. Conversation went as follows. Me: "and what do you do?". Him: "Job Centre". Me: "ah, never mind I'm sure you'll find something soon". Him (looking confused) "no, I work for the Job Centre". Cringe.

Love this thread

God remembered one I had blanked out. Moved to London and had a meeting in my old home city so met up with my nice but rather uptight ex flatmate to meet her new bf. we had a nice catch up he seemed nice I’d rather dull chap but kindly offered to drop me at the train station as he was going out anyway. As I got out of his car I said thank you for the lift and kissed him! Why?! It was just a reflex. I cringed all the way home!

I said 'how lovely to see you' and gave a big hug and a kiss...to my (female) GP who was coincidentally at an event I was speaking at. I was so nervous about speaking I was so grateful for a friendly face. It was only after I'd done it I realised she wasn't a colleague (I worked in health sector) but my actual GP. So obviously I was even more stressed about make a tit of myself presenting given I had already made an actual tit of myself already.

Brand new job , started in the November (years ago now) and went to our staff Christmas meal at a local restaurant a few weeks later - i.e I didn't know anybody very well, although it was a very small firm.

I'd offered to give one of our Directors a lift back to a main station, he'd had a few. Dropped him off, and as he turned in the passenger seat to thank me and give me presumably a peck on the cheek, my brain glitched. I put my hand on his thigh and kissed him full on the lips, as I would if I were dropping off my DH. I had only intended to reciprocate with a polite air kiss for a new colleague who was being courteous, no clue what my motor functions were thinking.

He looked rather startled and I could feel myself glowing red, so I gave him a breezy CHEERIO, waved like a lunatic and raced off into the night.

I confessed to another colleague some weeks later who thought it was hilarious.

Yesterday I had a stall at an outdoors Xmas market. I was wearing a face mask so I pulled it down for a while to get some fresh air as for some reason, I keep dribbling when wear them for a long time and under my mask I sometimes move my lips around in a kissing type motion or lick them to sort it out. People walked past my stall and I forgot my mask was down, I was making kissing motions with my lips and licking them, and the passers by were giving me some very odd looks.

@Nandiniti

Brand new job , started in the November (years ago now) and went to our staff Christmas meal at a local restaurant a few weeks later - i.e I didn't know anybody very well, although it was a very small firm.

I'd offered to give one of our Directors a lift back to a main station, he'd had a few. Dropped him off, and as he turned in the passenger seat to thank me and give me presumably a peck on the cheek, my brain glitched. I put my hand on his thigh and kissed him full on the lips, as I would if I were dropping off my DH. I had only intended to reciprocate with a polite air kiss for a new colleague who was being courteous, no clue what my motor functions were thinking.

He looked rather startled and I could feel myself glowing red, so I gave him a breezy CHEERIO, waved like a lunatic and raced off into the night.

I confessed to another colleague some weeks later who thought it was hilarious.

Why can I just imagine a cartoon style car racing off with smoke trailing from the back and the car bouncing about all over the road??!

@Lndnmummy

Another one. Same job. I had a senior colleauge who was showing me the ropes when I started. He was amazing, kind and patient. 15 or so years okder than me and painfully shy, a tad awkward socially. Once he stayed late to help me with something IT related. I was so grateful and said "Oh my goodness 'John' you are such a computer wuss!". He blushed, looked really sad and grabbed his backpack to get his train. Again, called now dh to confirm the meaning. I'd meant to say wizz. Like a wizz kid. . So so bad. I tried to explain the day after but the damage was done. He was such a kind person too.

There was a visiting lecturer over from the US, very well educated and respected in her field. It was a real treat to have her speak to our undergrads. I was introduced to her and asked which part she was from, and she answered Kentucky. Before I could even think I immediately blurted out "omg you are from Kentucky and can read and write, that's amazing! I nearly died of shame and felt the need to explain that my teen years were spent watching Ricky Lake and everyone from Kentucky who came on said they were illiterate. Thankfully she took it very well but by the time I'd apologised about 50 times she seemed quite fed up.

Blood and sand. Some people on here are seriously rude and should be embarrassed. There's funny, and there's offensive.

I take 999 calls for the ambulance service and spoke to a lovely lady who was with a man having some breathing difficulty. After I had spoken with him and assessed his breathing, I asked him to pass the phone back to his wife because I didn't want him to have to speak unnecessarily. Turns out it was his daughter in law. She laughed and it was not that bad, but I just wanted the ground to swallow me up because of the seriousness of the situation