Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Not me but a colleague once made a pack of meeting papers for a large group of senior clients that was boldly titled 'Pubic Affairs' instead of 'Public Affairs'. She only noticed as she was handing them out. No one mentioned it but there were a lot of raised eyebrows round the table.

The same person had organised a meeting, again with a lot of senior people at a building in a London square. She had sent them the wrong building number so sat there wondering why none of them had turned up while they all tried to persuade the receptionist at the wrong building on the other side of the square to let them in. She only noticed when she had given up on anyone turning up and drove past the bemused crowd in a cab.

This has me cringing. Normally I can't bear to think about it, but for the sake of amusement....

I was away with DP while he was working and we were staying in a really nice house. My dad asked me what it looked like, so I took a quick video and sent it. Oddly, he didn't reply.

It was only a few days later when I watched the video back that I saw that when I'd done a 360 of the bedroom, my vibrator was lying on the bedside table in plain sight.

I just can't describe the horror, I literally felt sick! Embarrassed doesn't cover it. It's never, ever been mentioned 😂

I was once in a jewellers and trying on engagement rings with ex dp and I mentioned that my fingers have gone bigger since putting on some weight.
The jeweller said "well obviously you're pregnant so that will happen"
I was not pregnant.
A normal person would apologise but she did not. Instead she said "oh....well are you on medication that makes you fat?"
😑

@reallyworriedjobhunter

'Public affairs'

Pubic affairs

Have just thought of one but it doesn’t live up to these.

I work in insurance and had to call an external company the other day. My name isn’t hugely unusual but don’t hear it a lot, I won’t say what it is but for the sake of the story say it’s ‘Janice’
So I called and the person who answered said their opening line ending with ‘Janice speaking how can I help?’ And upon hearing my name automatically just say ‘oh that’s my name too!’ And the person on the other end of the line was just deathly silent she clearly didn’t share my joy that we had the same name

Mine is truly awful and embarrassing but it wasn’t my fault this time.

It happened last weekend. My 75 year old father was here for Sunday lunch, he was flicking through his phone showing me “amusing” jokes and videos that friends send him. It drives us all crazy and they are usually awful and occasionally offensive but I was just nodding along not really paying attention.

Then suddenly he flicked onto the next one and it was a naked woman bending over being rogered with what appeared to be a champagne bottle with all accompanying moans of delight. I shrieked “Oh my God”, my dad panicked and tried to flick it off the screen and started the whole thing again. I sat there stunned, my father just kept apologising and saying “I don’t know how that got there” and my 17 year old son who I didn’t see it but heard it and heard my reaction was p*ssing himself laughing.
I. Can. Never. Unsee. It.

28Twinsmummy1812 epic!

Hopefully that will put an end to himshowing you his phone!

@Twinsmummy1812

Surely you have to go NC after this, tell everyone you no longer have a father and move to another continent.

@Badabingbadabum
I really hope so. Still a high price to pay 😳

@Chocolatier9 unfortunately he lives in an annexe to our house so no avoiding him. Pretty sure my son now thinks his grandad is a legend though. I did tell my sister to share the horror though…

I was once at a outdoor concert, the queue for the toilets was huge and I'd had a few drinks.
The person in front of me in the queue was in men's style clothes, short hair etc

I tapped them on the shoulder and said 'sorry, this is the queue for the women's toilets, the men's queue is over there and much shorter.'

She replied 'I know, I'm a woman'

I honestly nearly died inside and my sister was crying laughing! I still shudder when I think about it

Recently I had the Police round as I'd reported a neighbour for setting his cctv camera to cover my drive, amongst other things.
Lovely friendly Policewoman asks me, as we are sitting discussing the matter "if you have any fire alarms?" I perked up at this as I have at least two of them, which I told her, one or two upstairs and one down in the hall. I almost went on to tell her about my carbon monoxide alarms, but realised there was now a weird silence before she slowly said that nobody has ever answered yes before. I proceeded to tell her that surely everyone has them? They are a very standard thing in any sensible household? There was a really weird silence and we both looked at each other. She finally asked me what make, which struck me as odd "I'm afraid I don't know, but you can go and have a look if you like" said I, wondering who tf knows the make of their fire alarms. The strange silence continued until I broke it by asking her to repeat her question. Turn-out she'd asked if I have any fire arms. And there's me, having told her I've got severe mental health conditions, openly admitting to "at least two" of them. Well we were both in stitches and I apologised for getting her hopes up that she'd made a juicy discovery, but fuck me, the SHAME!! And it was all captured on her body cam. Fuck me I'm doing a full body cringe just writing this down!

@UsernameInTheTown the sort of thing I would do

@UsernameInTheTown

Recently I had the Police round as I'd reported a neighbour for setting his cctv camera to cover my drive, amongst other things. Lovely friendly Policewoman asks me, as we are sitting discussing the matter "if you have any fire alarms?" I perked up at this as I have at least two of them, which I told her, one or two upstairs and one down in the hall. I almost went on to tell her about my carbon monoxide alarms, but realised there was now a weird silence before she slowly said that nobody has ever answered yes before. I proceeded to tell her that surely everyone has them? They are a very standard thing in any sensible household? There was a really weird silence and we both looked at each other. She finally asked me what make, which struck me as odd "I'm afraid I don't know, but you can go and have a look if you like" said I, wondering who tf knows the make of their fire alarms. The strange silence continued until I broke it by asking her to repeat her question. Turn-out she'd asked if I have any fire arms. And there's me, having told her I've got severe mental health conditions, openly admitting to "at least two" of them. Well we were both in stitches and I apologised for getting her hopes up that she'd made a juicy discovery, but fuck me, the SHAME!! And it was all captured on her body cam. Fuck me I'm doing a full body cringe just writing this down!

I love that story! No harm done but a good giggle for you both!

It was/is so shameful. I'll bet they properly took the piss watching it back down the station .

I sent a get well soon card to my uncle in hospital. I knew he was having an op but didn't know exactly what.

Inside it the printed message read "I hope you're back on your feet soon"

He'd just had his legs amputated

He found the funny side thank god.

Some friends were due to get married about three months down the line. The groom-to-be emailed to say that they've brought the wedding forward to two weeks time.

I said "how exciting, is there something you need to tell me" (ie is his fiancé pregnant).

His response was "my dad has been given six weeks to live"!!!!

I had a flood in the kitchen and the next day the insurance assessor came to have a look at the damage. I said “I’ve not slept all night due to sex“ – stress, I meant stress (scarlet face and bumbling apology)"

This seems to happen every time I'm with the DH's mum and brother. I want to say something like 'every Tom, Dick & Harry' except I always end up saying ' every Tom, John & Harry.
John is DH's late father.
I think I subconsciously want to replace Dick, but why I choose John every time I have no idea.

@ThatsAllFolks

DC class. Teacher spots what she thinks are headphones around a child's neck and pulls at the wires, shouting that they are not allowed. Child has some kind of heart monitor with wires. Class is appalled

Oh god, I remember the supply teacher in music when learning recorder! My friend was thalidomide and had a prosthetic arm, he insisted she was stupid if she couldn't place her fingers on the correct holes. She threw her arm at him, told him to fuck off and ran out crying 😢