Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

@Londoncallingme

When my son was born I would jump in a pre-booked cab every morning to drop him at mums and then I’d dash to work. The first morning he had a white snowsuit on and the cab driver asked how old ‘she’ was and said he also had a new daughter. ‘6 months” says I, not correcting the pronoun. Next day same cabbie, similar chat, every day same cab driver, he asked her name and by now I’d gone along with it so much that I heard myself saying ‘Louise’ - I was just in too deep to come clean now. He told me the playgroup his wife went to and that we should meet up, meanwhile my baby was beginning to look like a boy and I had to be mindful of how I dressed him - it was ridiculous but I was in too deep. I had to change cab companies, shame, I couldn’t even say I wouldn’t be coming any more as we’d become quite friendly and he really wanted the ‘girls’ to meet with his wife. I never went to that playgroup either, despite other friends telling me to come along - in case he was there with his wife.

That is amazing!

@Firebird83

I did the awkward lean in to kiss goodbye thing and kissed my dad full on the lips.

Eeek…you’ve reminded me, I did that yo my brother. Cringe. Wish I’d not remembered that, I’m seeing him today.,

DC class. Teacher spots what she thinks are headphones around a child's neck and pulls at the wires, shouting that they are not allowed. Child has some kind of heart monitor with wires. Class is appalled

I ever ask about pregnancy until the person themselves confirm it.

A colleague was actually livid with me because I didn’t acknowledge her pregnancy- when I explained why she said ‘ but I have been wearing fitted suits for 15 years and now I am wafting around in floaty dresses’

Nope. Still not mentioning it until you do. 😄

I was managing a bar, 2 regulars came in wearing black suits & ties and dark glasses. I exclaimed “HERE COMES THE BLUES BROTHERS!!” ……they were indeed brothers and had been to their mothers funeral

Searched around for a patients slippers but could only find one. Asked him when he last used them. He threw back the covers and said “about 4 years ago”. He was an amputee…

I expect many other nurses can tell this story too!

I was sitting in a friend's kitchen as she was preparing dinner for our two families and I was telling her a story about a really naff Christmas hamper. I literally said the words "I mean, who eats bloody tinned ham?!" as she reached into her cupboard and pulled out a tin of Ye Olde Oake Ham to add to the pasta bake. We did that let's just agree that never happened thing and changed the subject. I still cringe. She was being so kind and going to a lot of trouble

Drove dc who was in reception to school and went in to watch an assembly.

Came out and couldn’t unlock car, my key fob wouldn’t work. Tried using the actual key and that wouldn’t work either.

Worried I couldn’t get home, I asked another parent who I didn’t really know to help me and we couldn’t work out how to get in the car.

Ended up calling the rac. When they arrived I realised I had parked somewhere different to normal that day and was trying to get into someone else’s car (the same make, model and colour as mine, parked where I usually parked)! Had I looked properly inside instead of panicking I would have seen there was no car seat!

It was very embarrassing!

I stayed the night at my sister-in-laws. When we arrived she took me upstairs so I could freshen up and as I was unpacking I made a comment about the lovely wardrobes she has, and she just made a funny expression and said no they really aren’t.. I then put on my glasses (had just removed lenses when made the lovely comment) and to my horror the wardrobes doors had paint stripped away and in a pretty bad state!!
I was so embarrassed about the comment made and to think how she must have felt😬 I felt bad but did not say anything as didn’t want to dig a deeper hole for myself... After that the evening felt pretty awkward all round and left for home first thing in the morning 🤣

When my DC was younger I went to look round a local nursery, after the tour, I was stood there thanking the girl who showed me round.

She reached over me to open the gate behind me, for some strange reason I thought she was reaching over to give me a hug, so I went to hug her back and she recoiled!

Oh the shame!

I worked for an equalities organisation and showed a transgender woman to the men's toilets . She asked "why would I need the men's toilets?"

@coconuthead

When my DC was younger I went to look round a local nursery, after the tour, I was stood there thanking the girl who showed me round.

She reached over me to open the gate behind me, for some strange reason I thought she was reaching over to give me a hug, so I went to hug her back and she recoiled!

Oh the shame!

This made me laugh lots

@coconuthead ah that made me laugh and reminded me of the time I did the same with DHs uncle. Don't know what I was thinking. He was simply reaching behind me. God I was so embarrassed 😂 I think it was his facial expression that made it ten times worse.

I worked in a clothes shop when I was younger. While serving someone on the till I said “oh, you have a rice crispie stuck on your chin”. She replied “no, it’s a mole”. Wanted to die with embarrassment for us both. Still cringe 20 years later.

I once tried to tell a colleague that he had fluff on his shirt (assumed he'd just taken a wolly jumper off) while we were sat in a big meeting/conference, waiting for it to start. As I was leaning forward to tell him my boss grabbed my arm and made me stop.
It wasn't fluff, it was his spray on hair!!
I don't know how I hadn't noticed before, he was a 70+ Indian man with afro hair. I silently giggled my way through the whole meeting, and am just so glad my boss stopped me in time.

@KaccyH 'that's not the way we great people here as if walking around honking women's boobs was something I did on a regular basis.

a hahahahah sorry but this one has tipped me over the edge

@Lndnmummy

English isnt my first language so I have made some awful ones over the years. I learned English by copying people and sometimes missed context and that something could be said in a friends group but not at work for example. So I would say things, without knowing the literal meaning.

For example: I worked in a client facing role and was invited by a firm of solicitors to an awards ceremony. Fancy. The dinner was delayed and one of the Partners leaned over to apologise for the delay. I fired off my best smile and said "oh no worries at all, I quite enjoy the brown nosing". I saw on her face I'd said something bad. I called my now dh who told me the literal meaning. I thought it meant chit chatting. . She was such a prim and proper lady too.

ha ha brilliant!

Adult ds once noticed dh's zip was down on his trousers and he could see his pants..
Dd pointed out dh doesn't wear pants.. Poor ds..

I just can't stop laughing at these.

IncessantNameChanger

Haha, I’ve done that before. I was at church and saw a girl that I knew. She was with another female who looked older so I walked up to them both and said ‘lovely to meet you, you must be ao and so’ mum.’

They both looked horrified. Turns out it was her sister. I felt so bad in that moment, didn’t know what to say and I think I apologised 😬

@Laufeythejust

I had anaesthetic for the first time and dreamt that my husband was Cedric Diggory and he had just been murdered by Voldemort. I was inconsolable and remember sobbing to a group of people trying to explain to them how heartbroken I was and how I would never love again. I woke up and recognised the group of people as the nurses. I was mortified, even more so when one of them asked who Cedric was.

Amazing. I'm so sorry for your loss

I am hot with shame at this, but in the toilets at work, I saw a large man, with short hair drying his hands under the dryer, I started and made a noise, about to say something about it being the women's toilets, (thankfully a sentence that did not fully materialise) and she turned around and looked at me as if to say, "yeah...I know."
I shut my mouth and uttered a quick apology before dashing into a cubicle. The poor woman.

@KaccyH 'that's not the way we great people here as if walking around honking women's boobs was something I did on a regular basis.

a hahahahah sorry but this one has tipped me over the edge

I'm picturing the employer as seeing you as a Borat-type figure: having some extremely strange (and outrageous) behaviours, but them trying to be calm, gentle and understanding about it, because they don't want to belittle what might be normal for your 'culture' (whatever that culture might be)

These stories have made me laugh so much....I had a similar a few years ago when I did the "ask a lady if she's pregnant when she's not" routine....I took my teenage daughter to get her hair cut and whilst I was just about to pay, I noticed that the receptionist had a rather round-looks-5 months-pregnant tummy so I sat there for a bit with the "go on ask her, you know she is" devil on one shoulder, with the "don't do it, don't do it" angel on the other side....anyhoo I took the plunge and thought, "why not, she'll be thrilled you asked her..." I was wrong. I stood up to pay and whilst using the chip and pin machine I casually asked her. There was silence. My daughter's face was a picture. My sons stopped playing with their phones...and looked up at me. She wasn't pregnant....my payment took ages took what felt like a century to be processed - eventually the payment went through and I bolted out of the door like a rat up a drainpipe. My daughter berated me the whole way home, my sons were still mute (with the occasional snigger) in the car and we haven't been back there since....

My friend had 2 funny stories from years ago. Worked for a large company, one day her boss Dick asked her to bring a tray of tea in to a meeting he was having with some new clients, told her to just quietly bring it in so as not to disturb the meeting. In she comes, quietly padded to a little table behind him put the tray down, tapped him on the shoulder and said in a loud whisper 'tea, your dicks on the table'

On another occasion, same friend - let's call her Debbie - was talking with same boss but in a silly sing song voice, so he said 'Debby webby would you like a coffee woffy' to which she replied 'oh yes please thank you wank you'