Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

@Kteeb1

Went shopping with a girl I met at night college on a break and picked up a tee-shirt and said 'who earth would wear this, you'd have to pay me' hahahaha. Yep you've guessed it, she unzipped her hoody and had it on. I said 'well it looks nice on you' but couldn't rectify it. Mortified!!

@Londoncallingme

This isn’t funny and I wouldn’t admit to it if it weren’t anonymous… I was in my very early days of teaching, supply teaching yr 2 class I’d never met before. All sat on the carpet, one boy was particularly fidgety and chatty and made some silly comments for laughs so I had my eye on him. Decided to ‘get him on board’ so I chose him to go and fetch the fruit bowl whilst I organised the rest of the class to wriggle back into a circle. I looked up for him and he’d got the fruit but he was doing a ‘silly walk’ back and I sternly told him to hurry up and walk properly, the words were out of my mouth before I realised that the children weren’t laughing at his ‘silly walk’ and he clearly had a physical disability which made it hard for him to carry the bowl too. I actually can’t remember if he responded but I was truly mortified. Needless to say I never went back there, poor boy. Just awful.

Oh no, that is really bad

This is brilliant 😂😂😂 I say something like this on a weekly basis, I physically cannot think before I speak

The last embarrassing moment was when I went to a cafe to order a drink.

Said hello to the woman serving me, we made general chit chat. She went to get my coffee and then walked back to give it to me. For some reason, instead of saying thank you, I waved at her and said 'hiya', like I was greeting her and we hadn't just been talking a few seconds ago.

Just remembered another one.....Went to a car garage with an ex boyfriend, he was into classic cars.
Walked in and sat down got chatting to another lady in this kind of open plan area one end garage the other end. We had coffee talked clothes shopping weather, shoes ect girly talk for over an hour.
Then got onto height as im such a shortie, said im very envious of her height, she in return loved my little hands, put her own out, my mouth opened out came, My, what huge hands you have!
Turns out it was a man who had had a sex change.
No problem now but this was years ago, couldnt work out why all the mechanics suddenly ducked their heads into car bonnets.

I’m so bad at this I actually don’t mean it I try to be helpful and it comes out so bad when I was 17 was talking to a girl who had really bad skin like massive holes and I could see she was uncomfortable so what do I do go on and on and on about how a dermatologist could help her , after 30 mins she turns around and says I just like picking my face my partner at the time was trying to get me to shut up for the half hour 😩

I use to get dandruff badly don’t feel embarrassed

Years ago in my twenties I was working for the police and I was walking across to the courts with a Chief Inspector and a few other police officers.

For some reason as we crossed the road I suddenly grabbed the hand of the Chief Inspector and held onto it until we reached the entrance of the court.

We got to the doors and he said "thank you for guiding me across the road but I can manage now."

My mum was playing chasing with my little cousin, who was about 3 at the time. She had him kind of backed into a corner, with her arms spread out and for whatever bloody reason told him 'I'll put you in jail! I'll put you in jail!'

The child's father actually was in prison.

My sister kind of snorted and told my mum to be careful, that she'd give him a complex. At which point my mum realised what she said and turned to us absolutely mortified.

Thankfully, my aunt - his mother - didn't hear any of this, but she did walk into the room to find me, my mum and my sister all doubled over in tears of laughter.

@Redjoy

I once took my cat to the vet to be neutered . The surgery was like someone’s front room , with a very high receptionist’s desk in one corner. I looked at the counter and saw this absolutely huge cat sitting on it. I said, loudly” Cor Blimey, you’re a bit of a porker , aren’t you?”. Put cat basket down , checked he was ok and looked up again. To meet the eyes of the very large vet’s receptionist. No sign of the cat whatsoever. Anywhere. Then said” oh no , didn’t mean you”. Did not improve the situation! Left cat , cringed back to the car. Kids had already got out there and were crying with laughter. Got my DH to pick up the cat . Never went back.

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Trying to laugh quietly so I don't wake a feeding baby and actually cried with laughter

Me, to my friend who had just dyed her hair a beautiful hot pink: “oh I love it. I wish I was brave enough to dye my hair a stupid colour”. I genuinely did love it and didn’t think it was stupid at all. Still feel bad!

I’ve just remembered the time we sold some kitchen units we had leftover from kitchen revamp. A lovely older chap came down to collect them. He picked them up, all good and then at the door, I don’t know why but I said “well, it’s been great... i had a really nice time” which is bad enough but then for some bizarre reason I got a bit choked up (I had a new baby and was very very tired and emotional). Poor bloke looked very confused, I was mortified. I bet to this day he thinks “wtf was that about?!”

@LouH1981

I used to waitress in a pub (I was 20 or so) and I was asked to seat two customers who were waiting at the bar. They had their backs to me so I happily marched over asking as I went if ‘would you two ladies like to follow me to be seated at your table’ as I went. Only to find that the two customers both with long flowing blonde hair were in fact a man and a woman #veryawkward

This has happened a lot to me and my husband, before he grew a beard. The best one was on our honeymoon in the Caribbean. The hotel receptionist greeted us as “ladies” and her facial expressions changed in slow motion as she realised, she apologised in a rapid squeaky voice before dissolving into the most amazing and prolonged fit of the giggles I’ve ever witnessed. At one point she disappeared below the front desk and was lying on the floor.

We were in fits along with her, it was just so contagious 😂

In my 20s working in a nursing home the staff would all meet at lunch time to report on how the morning had gone. I had (unexpectedly) had to help a male resident get clean as he had been boozing in his room and smelled of vomit. Telling the head nurse (trying to explain how I had helped him in the shower) I said “he got me all wet” … few seconds of silence before all my colleagues burst out laughing.

Another time I was ranting in front of colleagues on how I found suicides incredibly selfish (I know, I don’t feel the same way anymore). It was few of us sitting at the same table but I remember all of them suddenly leaving, except one. Yes turns out her beautiful daughter had committed a suicide very young. She didn’t even tell me this herself, I randomly found out much later

My grandma was razor sharp and in her care home we were sat in the communal lounge. She said ‘what’s that old plastic bag doing over there on that chair?’ It wasn’t a plastic bag it was poor old Dorothy, a particularly small and slightly crumpled looking resident.

😂

While as a patient in hospital I asked the male visitor to the next bed how his mum was. He relied that's not my mum that's my wife! I didn't know where to look but in my defence his wife looked very poorly and aged, later found out she had tried to kill herself using a knife to slit her stomach.

An incredible amount of amputees in this post.

I was thinking this too.

was waiting in the vets with the cat in a basket. A man was standing at the desk paying. He had a boxer type dog. The dog took a step towards me and wiped dog dribble all up my leg. confused the chap apologised. Don't worry i said. Boxers always dribble. He gave me one of those looks as if to say you rude cow!

It was Barry mcguigan blush I didn't realise until I saw him in the paper a couple of weeks later. No wonder he thought me rude!

Sorry, but that one was on him, not you. He must have realised the fact that he both was a boxer and also had a boxer breed dog. In the context of what happened, it was completely obvious you meant the dog, surely.

If anything, he could have made a joke about it - "well, the boxers with four legs might do, but don't you be accusing the rest of us!!" - but that's just such a bizarre interpretation to take of the obvious circumstances.

Bold fail

Oh I’ve thought of another!

I was on work experience at a hospital aged 15 and quite shy.

The person I was shadowing misheard my actual name and called me “Caroline” (not anything like my actual name). I tried to correct her a couple of times but she didn’t hear me!

She then proceeded to call me Caroline for the whole day, when introducing me to others etc. I ended up going along with it because it was easier and tried to ignore it!

Then we saw someone I knew working at the hospital and when I was introduced as “Caroline” she said no she’s not called Caroline she’s called “newname”. The person I was shadowing said, “oh I’ve been calling you Caroline all Day!” And I said “oh did you, I hadn’t noticed!!” Mortifying!

OP I had a similar thread a while back...because I accidentally farted in my surgeons face when he pressed my tummy and was sat behind me. I dread every check up now.

You are not alone.

@Geogaddi

One time on a busy train i was a little bit tipsy and was excited to see some fancy new toilets had been installed. I pressed the "close" button to see the big sliding door close shut. As i was weeing the door started to open again with 3 people stood right outside. All i could do was scream and laugh because i couldn't get up to stop the bloody thing .

I ALWAYS press the lock button now.

This is one of my fears of public toilets. 😱

When my son was born I would jump in a pre-booked cab every morning to drop him at mums and then I’d dash to work.
The first morning he had a white snowsuit on and the cab driver asked how old ‘she’ was and said he also had a new daughter.
‘6 months” says I, not correcting the pronoun.
Next day same cabbie, similar chat, every day same cab driver, he asked her name and by now I’d gone along with it so much that I heard myself saying ‘Louise’ - I was just in too deep to come clean now. He told me the playgroup his wife went to and that we should meet up, meanwhile my baby was beginning to look like a boy and I had to be mindful of how I dressed him - it was ridiculous but I was in too deep.
I had to change cab companies, shame, I couldn’t even say I wouldn’t be coming any more as we’d become quite friendly and he really wanted the ‘girls’ to meet with his wife.
I never went to that playgroup either, despite other friends telling me to come along - in case he was there with his wife.

Last night I text someone I regularly work for but not a boss...
He text me about something (topic irrelevant)
"Well that's too bad because the owner (male) always comes first" ..
I replied
"Typical man".
My brain was texting my dh.
Obviously not a man I barely know.
He didn't text back.

Hopefully I won't see him for a good. Very good while.