Let’s Pretend We’re Opening a Restaurant

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Following on from the overrated meals and restaurants thread.

If you had a big budget (and no money worries if it failed!) and were going to open your own cafe/restaurant/pub, what would it be like?

I’ll start. If I was opening a pub, I’d do away with a long pretentious wine menu and month or so I’d source say ten different reds and ten whites at the same cost mark and they’d all be sold at £20 a bottle. Obviously I’d still make a profit on this but the point is you actually get to choose a wine properly and not just go for the ‘house’.

Cheese boards would always be sold individually so you can order them for yourself as a dessert. I don’t like sweet things but I bloody love cheese. I hate it when the cheese board is double the price of all the other puddings because you’re supposed to share it. You could pick and mix the cheese too.

I would do roasts but a very small window of about 3 hours (so just one sitting) so they’re all fresh and no heated up Yorkshire puddings and roasties.

Free gravy refills.

It’s just fantasy so it doesn’t have to be anything that would necessarily make you the most money!

Add yours.

Five vegetarian, not necessarily vegan, main courses that didn't involve; beetroot, butternut squash, giant mushrooms or goats cheese

I’d make half size mains which are exactly half the price of the big version so you could have two

I hate your wine idea though, the mark up on wines is huge and so your £20 wine would actually cost about £3 from the supplier. I can’t drink £3 anymore. It’s nice to have an option.

Everything always on proper plates. No wooden boards or silly containers.

A no children policy.

Yeah, what I hate recently is a lot of the vegetarian dishes have been tweaked to be vegan. I get that kills two birds with one stone and looks like the restaurant is offering more choice- but I don’t want to be vegan. I want cheese 😂

Wheelibin

And cream, and cakes

@hangsangwitch yep, that’s a really good one. Plates and proper cutlery.

There will be an airlock arrangement for the doors (ie inside set of doors as well as outside set of doors) so that no one needs to sit in the draft and the restaurant managers can afford to actually hear the place to comfortable warmth in the winter.

The menu will be very short, not three pages listing fifty different arrangements of pizza.

There will be bread and butter and water on the table.

Definitely plates - no boards, slates, baskets etc. Nothing reheated, everything cooked from scratch, I wouldn't mind waiting to know you're getting freshly cooked food.

I'd also ban skin on fries from being cooked in my restaurant - I'd ban them from all if I could. Disgusting things

Yes to lots of veggie options, and not just an indifferent risotto or tomato pasta.

Anybody playing on any kind of device with the sound on will be immediately thrown out.

One of those ice cream machines they used to have (still do?) at Pizza Hut, where you can add all kinds of gruesome toppings. But for adults.

Toilets that are up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right.

Small menu of pub classics but done well. Veggie options that aren't a fucking salad or mushroom risotto.

Small but good selection of wine, good and changing selection of beer, no shit lager, no massive array of gin that no one actually orders.

Good view, range of seating, table service.

No sachets of tomato ketchup, vinegar or anything else. Proper bottles/dishes of all sauces and proper salt and pepper grinders.

If all you wines are the same price then they had better all be half way decent and drinkable.

Toddler portions
Smaller appetite portions
Normal portions.

Being able to swap sides.
All meals being adaptable for dietary requirements like gluten or dairy free

@RedwineforSantaplease

Toilets that are up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right.

Small menu of pub classics but done well. Veggie options that aren't a fucking salad or mushroom risotto.

Small but good selection of wine, good and changing selection of beer, no shit lager, no massive array of gin that no one actually orders.

Good view, range of seating, table service.

*Aren't

Aren't up a set of stairs....

The lack of edit function round here!

I'd do a charcuterie and seafood style nibbles restaurant, with cocktails and champagne as the drinks, craft beers and local brewed ales 🍻 We're talking oyster bar, some lovely lobster and crab, cooked and raw seafood - champagne, English sparkling wines, fancy cocktails (my favourite!) and some non alcoholic versions. It'd be all granite and marble in creams, with gold / brass accents and hardware. I'd have flowers from my florist friend, local music at the weekends and everything would be priced reasonably (enough to make a profit but not extortionate!). Charcuterie would be salamis, cold meats, crudités and dips, cheeses from everywhere - oh the cheese! Basically all the nibble food I love to eat and would rather have than a full meal 😂

You'd be able to get half glasses of wines / champagnes / cocktails, and tasting boards of them too! The charcuterie boards would come in all sizes, from just some cheese and crackers all the way up to a seafood extravaganza. Hot and cold nibbles galore.

I live fairly close (on the more rural side) to a well known affluent seaside town, so the seafood would be fresh and I think it would do really well! This is my pipe dream 😂

oh yes, vegetarian options which are not goat's cheese and/or mushroom, or risotto. Medium sized portions - so a bit inbetween a main and a starter. In fact, I went to a scottish tapas place, and that was bloody awesome. Do that! (but no goat's cheese).

Yep definitely NO sounds on devices allowed

@MrzClaus have you been to the Light Bar which is part of selfridges in London? It fits your decor theme.

Agree with all the opinions regarding vegetarian options so far. I love cheese so would love more options that are veggie rather than vegan.

Phenomenal chips. Magic roaring fire that didn’t create particulates or CO2. Always bucketing rain outside while you’re having your lunch but miraculously clears up as you set off for the rest of your walk. Good sandwiches at lunch, not just heavy meals. Absolutely no dogs. Cheaper wine than your pub.

Yes to variable portion sizes! Most mains are so massive these days I can't manage one. Also, when ds was a child, he didn't want a "children's menu", he wanted proper adult food in a small size.

And yes also to a cheeseboard where you can choose which cheeses you have from a selection. I love most cheeses, but hate blue cheese, and there always a blue cheese in the cheeseboards offered.

I'd serve breakfast all day.

[quote WheelieBinPrincess]@MrzClaus have you been to the Light Bar which is part of selfridges in London? It fits your decor theme.[/quote]
Oh my - I haven't! Next time I'm down in the city I shall have to pop by! 😊

Ooh also a better range of crisps- they’re always Tyrells and Kettle now and I’d be far happier with a bag of beef monster munch 😂

@MrzClaus got the name wrong/ it’s called Brasserie of Light. Worth a visit!