Let’s Pretend We’re Opening a Restaurant

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Following on from the overrated meals and restaurants thread.

If you had a big budget (and no money worries if it failed!) and were going to open your own cafe/restaurant/pub, what would it be like?

I’ll start. If I was opening a pub, I’d do away with a long pretentious wine menu and month or so I’d source say ten different reds and ten whites at the same cost mark and they’d all be sold at £20 a bottle. Obviously I’d still make a profit on this but the point is you actually get to choose a wine properly and not just go for the ‘house’.

Cheese boards would always be sold individually so you can order them for yourself as a dessert. I don’t like sweet things but I bloody love cheese. I hate it when the cheese board is double the price of all the other puddings because you’re supposed to share it. You could pick and mix the cheese too.

I would do roasts but a very small window of about 3 hours (so just one sitting) so they’re all fresh and no heated up Yorkshire puddings and roasties.

Free gravy refills.

It’s just fantasy so it doesn’t have to be anything that would necessarily make you the most money!

Add yours.

No children. No dogs. No regulars. No vegetarian or vegan options other than you can order steak and chips but not eat the steak. Shelves with real books that you can actually read and aren't just there for show. Clean toilets with automatic doors so you don't wash your hand then have to touch a handle to get out. People who are excessively noisy would get thrown out (literally).

Sorry, but if I had enough money, I'd just buy a McDonald's franchise. Almost guaranteed to be a profitable investment, lots of support re training/procurement/marketing, well established procedures/instructions so easier to recruit a manager and staff. Very little "hands on" needed as it's all systemised.

That's speaking from a practical/business head of course.

It's actually a great shame that there aren't more similar franchised "restaurants" as I'm sure they'd be very popular if someone started other "chains", maybe for better quality food etc., but using the same kind of "systemised" approach which would mean far fewer restaurants would fail due to lack of business acumen, lack of marketing, etc.

Yes, I know I'll get flamed for suggesting McDonalds, but I'm actually really impressed with the business/franchise model, even though I don't actually like the food itself!

Half size main courses for smaller appetites.
Very attentive waiting staff, who look like they enjoy working there.
No hot food on cold plates, or cold food on hot plates.
Lovely fresh bread and salty butter

The heating can be no higher than 18 degrees.

I'd make sure that my guests had time to enjoy it as an evening out, like it used to be when my parents met up with family friends and took us with them, rather than "cram as many booking in as possible and give people an hour from sitting down to leaving to go to the nearest pub/bar".

That means time between courses, time for a drink afterwards. 2-3 hours of an actual evening dining out and spending time with friends.

Hate going to restaurants now. It's rushed and boring and might as well just go to a fast food place or stay at home.

Toilets that are up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right.

You want that?

Cheese boards would always be sold individually so you can order them for yourself as a dessert. I don’t like sweet things but I bloody love cheese. I hate it when the cheese board is double the price of all the other puddings because you’re supposed to share it.
Not the point, but I don't think I've ever come across this and didn't know it was a thing.

I don't know what sort of food I'd serve, but I'd want a genuinely all-day and night-time place, and very flexible about what you consumed, so you could go in late evening and just have a coffee or a drink. So a more restauranty area and an area that was more casual and like a bar/cafe, emphasis on 'cafe' so you felt comfortable just having a pot of tea at 10.30pm if that's what you wanted.
I'd have counter space at the window and at the bar/serving area/wherever there was a bit of action. I love sitting at a counter with something to watch, particularly if I'm alone.
No music, or just quiet. And I agree with a pp about bread and butter and water on the table.
Interesting non-alcoholic drinks –Seedlip or other premium label; Middle Eastern-style sherbets; unusual fruit juices (and I mean NOT sugary stuff –fresh juice that you could order topped up with still or sparkling water.)

I'd recruit well and pay and treat staff well, so they were happy and relaxed. For me restaurants and and cafes are all about the atmosphere and the welcome.

I’d open a cafe where all the sandwiches were freshly made when ordered and the bread, cakes and biscuits were delivered daily from a local bakery. It would do good coffee, tea and soft drinks too but the food would be fresh, good quality and worth the trip by itself. A sandwich can be awesome not just meh. It doesn’t need to be fancy - a cheese and pickle, roast beef or egg Mayo sarnie done well is a thing of beauty. Can you tell I’m sick of Costa and Starbucks?

Toilets that aren’t up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right.
That also just say Men, Women, Unisex, etc. Not obscure catchphrases or images you have to decipher when pissed.

Also, wine in little clay tumblers instead of stemmed glasses, at candlelit tables, and menus on brown paper. I’m easily pleased.

African restaurant featuring authentic dishes from all parts of the continent: north, west, southern, horn. There would be pounded yam (God how I miss it). Everything gluten free except some of the breads and the filo pastry.

And I would need to carry out frequent gastronomic research trips(esp to central Africa) to scout for recipes...

Child sized portions of the adult menu. DS is gluten intolerant and I swear to god there is never anything he can eat. It’s either pasta or breadcrumbs and it really fuxking irritates me.

I do enjoy getting some ‘free’ nibbles such as olives or nice bread and olive oil so I’d provide that.
I don’t like the £20 wine idea unless that includes Sancerre.
I like the mini desert and hot drink options some restaurants offer so I’d put that on the menu.
I’d employ extra members of staff so you’re never ever waiting around for 1.the bill ,2 to pay the bill
I’d have beautiful decor and fab toilets.

Oh no pre mixed fizzy drinks from those awful tap things. Glass bottles only.

Five vegetarian, not necessarily vegan, main courses that didn't involve; beetroot, butternut squash, giant mushrooms or goats cheese
Agreed. I love all them but they are my go to foods at home.
I would open a mainly veggie restaurant that caters for the carnivore. I might offer them a shepherds pie or something!
I want food served on plates not fancy ornaments or similar. Thankfully that trend seems to be dying down.
I would serve decent portions of food not little scraps that you get in poncy restaurants.

Toilets that aren’t up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right
So you dont want a wetherspoons then!!

I wouldn't do a restaurant. I'd have more of a book, tea and chat place. Probably with regular slots for interest groups (crafts, book clubs, polite political discussions. Probably also cake but a meal each day that would be available in a small size for children or those not wanting the larger size and also a discounted rate on things for various things (basically all of the benefits, including child benefit and state pensions). In the evenings do more of a bar/ mike thing and try to foster something for student groups.

mine would be autism friendly and allergy friendly.

plenty of vegan options (see allergy ) (not all spicy either)
plenty of veggie options.

easy clean floor, chairs and tables
quiet non squeaky plates.
booths. and a couple of private rooms for the bolters/ squealers.
lots of windows
level access for wheelchairs. plenty of room round the table to fit wheelchairs. and to wheel through.
changing places toilet.

swap anything in or out of meals.
screens welcome. headphones for rent/sale.

I'd do something elegant, somewhat austere but with a warmth, in the style of a Victorian glasshouse; lots of palms and aspidistras and wobbly green glass and high ceilings. And a big fireplace. Lots of enticing tinkling.

I'd cherry-pick waiting staff from some of the top restaurants -- those places where the staff are at the same time highly competent and professional, but also relaxed and friendly and don't make you feel on edge. I'd pay them a proper salary because I think food service is a valid career and should be treated as such (it is on the continent). I'd also set up a training programme so the more experienced people teach the ways to youngsters entering the industry. Ditto kitchen staff and maitre d's and so on.

Food-wise I'd do some kind of nose-to-tail eating thing I think. Exceptionally high-welfare meat, farm-to-fork kind of stuff, cooked simply but exceptionally well. No veggie or vegan options in my restaurant because it's not my thing and this is my restaurant.

I would employ good people FOH and in the kitchens, and pay them a proper wage. Anyone dissing my staff would be out on their ear. Children at lunchtime service only, parents with kids moving around the dining area will be asked to contain them. No nuggets. No dogs anytime. . Food served on plates. Hot coffee. Good bread .Good chips. Good cheese. Limited menu of non poncy food.

Decent selection of non alcoholic drinks. Not all sweet fizzy pop and J2O.

I've always thought it'd be great to have a "home cooking" restaurant that is inexpensive, but healthy. An alternative to cooking for people who aren't good at it or don't have a decent kitchen. It would serve three options per night (one vegan, one veggie, one meat) on a rotating menu that changes every day (2/3 week rotations).

Smaller portions available to any age.
Cozy atmosphere but family-friendly atmosphere.
Takeaway available with option to provide own Tupperware.

Sample 2-day menu:
M- Sausage and mash with peas and gravy/Macaroni cheese with side salad/Vegan daal curry with rice
T- Butter chicken with rice and broccoli/Lemon and asparagus risotto/Sun-dried tomato pasta bake with side salad

With a winter "lost souls" bookable meal over the Christmas period. Not a Christmas meal but company and tasty

I’d open a lovely foodie pub, there isn’t actually one in our walkable area. Lots of lovely posh Italian/Thai/Sri Lankan/Lebanese/Indian but no nice pub in the town.
I’d have a really good wine list, with staff who could explain it, and allow you to order any of it by the glass.
The menu would be small ish, three sharing boards: charcuterie and cheese/seafood/posh ploughman’s with pork pie, hot glazed mini sausages, pickle, dips, cheese. Then four starters, one veggie that could be made vegan. Six mains with a couple of specials, focusing on good ingredients made into exceptional pub food. A big roast on a Sunday.
A separate dog room, so you can bring your dog but not inflict it on non-dog people. Log fires in winter, and a massive beer garden in summer with no wasps and a tasteful wooden play area for kids.

Tables that are big enough, no knocking elbows, and all the chairs would be comfy. Really nice cutlery and tablecloths/cloth napkins.

It’ll have to stay a pipe dream sadly as I’ve got no money!

@knittingaddict

Toilets that are up a set of stairs, down a corridor, down a set of stairs and through a cupboard to your right.

You want that?

The poster has since corrected that post. Although I'd have thought you could have surmised that it was a simple typo.

No dogs.
Sherry. Or good aperitifs.

One decent burger.
A decent fowl option
A decent beef option
Something cheesy and something decent veggie
And a fish dish.