Let’s Pretend We’re Opening a Restaurant

[WheelieBinPrincess]

Following on from the overrated meals and restaurants thread.

If you had a big budget (and no money worries if it failed!) and were going to open your own cafe/restaurant/pub, what would it be like?

I’ll start. If I was opening a pub, I’d do away with a long pretentious wine menu and month or so I’d source say ten different reds and ten whites at the same cost mark and they’d all be sold at £20 a bottle. Obviously I’d still make a profit on this but the point is you actually get to choose a wine properly and not just go for the ‘house’.

Cheese boards would always be sold individually so you can order them for yourself as a dessert. I don’t like sweet things but I bloody love cheese. I hate it when the cheese board is double the price of all the other puddings because you’re supposed to share it. You could pick and mix the cheese too.

I would do roasts but a very small window of about 3 hours (so just one sitting) so they’re all fresh and no heated up Yorkshire puddings and roasties.

Free gravy refills.

It’s just fantasy so it doesn’t have to be anything that would necessarily make you the most money!

Add yours.

No animals except service animals.

Well behaved people only, laughter and enjoyment allowed but nothing too raucous and domineering.

Layout allows for privacy and also larger gatherings.

No devices, mobiles left at reception with table number in case of emergency.

Proper vegan food no meat substitute crap.

Sex segregated toilets with a third unisex option.

And everything is free.

@Dishwashersaurous

Five vegetarian, not necessarily vegan, main courses that didn't involve; beetroot, butternut squash, giant mushrooms or goats cheese

I was coming on to say similar.

Delicious vegetarian food that isn't an afterthought. No mushrooms or aubergine.

[quote BarbaraofSeville]@Otherpeoplesteens

Move to Spain. You've basically described menu del dia, which still exists in many areas.[/quote]
Barbara

I am actually half-Portuguese. In my ancestral home town of under 11,000 people I can think of at least six places that do a set lunch menu (with half a litre of wine) for €8 to €10. They don't make the savings by cutting costs on portion sizes: in the €10 one (which equates to about £8.35) the speciality is barbecued fish and you get a whole sea bass, a whole redfish, a couple of small horse mackerel and a couple of sardines per person as well as your bread, olives, half litre of wine and a chocolate mousse or something. They make their money by rapid turnover and high volume, and by concentrating on just a few things very well, very efficiently, and by not pandering to awkward customers.

Obviously input costs are different there, but I can't think of any restaurants in the UK where you could get just the half litre of wine for that price. I feel ripped off here everywhere I go, and when you feel fleeced you simply feel unwelcome.

My restaurant will be like Subway but for pies. A selection of pie fillings freshly cooked throughout the day, pie lids in different pastries, selection of gravies and sides. You move along and construct your pie, add your choice of extra gravy, add your veg/mash/chips and then sit down in another cosy pub-like area well away from the queue so people’s bums aren’t in your face. It will be cheap and gravy top ups will be available for free from a circulating trolley which you can flag down.
There will also be a button on each table to quietly let the staff know you need something, or to set the table to do not disturb so no one comes up to ask how your food is when you’ve just shoved a huge potato in your mouth. It will also have a card machine so you can pay and go when you’re ready.
Toilets will be self contained, with a sink inside the cubicle. They will be warm, they will smell lovely, they will flush strongly on the first attempt, they will have flattering lighting and mirrors and they will be clearly signposted.

It's my dream to open a brunch/lunch type cafe in the daytime with panini s and salads plus homemade cake then in the evening serve platters of meats and cheese s plus antipasti and have live music (eg folk duo) or poetry .,. It's modelled on a place in America that also sold second hand books

I’d also get all spelling and grammar correct on my menu.

‘Chilly chips’ will be a plate of cold chips with cheese on top according to this menu!

(Thatched House in Hammersmith if anyone’s interested 😂)

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’d also get all spelling and grammar correct on my menu.

‘Chilly chips’ will be a plate of cold chips with cheese on top according to this menu!

(Thatched House in Hammersmith if anyone’s interested 😂)

£7.95 or £6 for a 'morsel'?

Fucketh me.

UK hospitality is in trouble because it has priced itself out of existence.

good mix on menu, so 5 really good pub style dishes and then 5 completely different so that if I am in the mood for steak and kidney pie and chips great, but if not I can get something completely different like a really good curry, naan and sides.

Parking directly outside and the blue badge spaces monitored.

Step free access and not a ramp at the back of the building down various narrow corridors. Tables spaced out because it's always sods law the only available seating is in the middle and I have to ask 30 people to move to get my wheelchair in - or if walking then I can't go far.

For me the seating is KEY. Screw all these wooden chairs, or tables that are too low so it digs into my legs if in my wheelchair. All seats should be cushioned with a decent back.

It's warm - laid out so everyone doesn't freeze every time someone arrives and opens the door.

If serving chips they are crispy triple cooked style. Cold drinks are actually cold. Why are lukewarm drinks acceptable when cold hot drinks wouldn't be?!

Salt/pepper and vinegar to be on the table so I don't have to wait for them to be found.

Disabled toilets to be available and not a three miles treck, and standard toilets also in good reach.

Decent desserts including various salted caramel options.

FOH staff.

Hair tied back in a bun/plait. I can't bear it when waiting staff have hair forward over the front of their shoulders.
Armpits and bellybutton covered. Who needs to see them when they are being served? Gives me the heebie jeebies.
Staff should be banned from calling customers "guys" as in "Hey guys, is everything OK with your meal? ". Last time I looked there was no guy genitalia about my person.

@hotmeatymilk

A group table for single diners. My grandfather's golf club had this This is my worst nightmare, I’m adding to my pub “single diners can occupy a four-seater table with no pressure, and read a book or whatever.”

@hotmeatymilk

Should have clarified - the group table for single diners was only for those that wanted it. It was great for widow(er)s, or people who were lonely & wanted some company while they ate. I believe it was quite popular

No background music playing. Kitchen/coffee making area removed from diners so no disturbances from that. Plenty of soft furnishings like curtains to absorb sound. All I want to hear is a gentle background hum of conversation and a little tinkling of glasses.

Soup.
I love soup but its so hard to find a nice place that does decent soup thats not too salty or bland.

Also decent snacky foods like nachos,wings,loaded chips.

Lots of savoury comfort food . Pies and cheese sticks

Right! No foil wrapped butter pats or stupid plastic pots with foil lids, slices of good butter only and not chilled to the point it rips holes in your toast. No individual jars of jam, it will be homemade and in a variety of flavours. Plates, no tiles, bits of wood or slates. No miniature deep fryer baskets for chips, ditto chipped enamel mugs.
Staff trained to listen to a customer's order AND BLOODY WELL WRITE IT DOWN! (iPads acceptable). This means I won't have to order a black Americano (which is black by definition) and then tell them I don't need the milk when it turns up in a jug (or worse, a miniature milk bottle) to accompany my coffee!

@sashh

Ladies, I thin there is only one way to do this, we buy a street and have a range of cafes / restaurants but a we are a friendly bunch we would allow a limited number of orders from other restaurants, so if one person insists on eating in a steak house it will feature one dish from the others so the vegetarian (in family groups there's always at least on vegi) can order from the vegetarian next door.

There are a few places like this springing up - more like posh food courts where each restaurant has a kitchen and servery but the tables are all shared and they all use the same plates etc.

The one I know best is the Time Out Market in Lisbon, which I understand is being replicated in various major cities in North America and elsewhere. The proposed London one has been torpedoed several times by covid-19, but is showing as coming in 2023.

There's also a local one in Altrincham (near Manchester) called Altrincham Market House.

I suspect as more and more people desert High Streets for shopping this will be one way of repurposing town centre real estate.

Mumsnet Street.
It'll be like Stella Street.

The Time Out Market in Lisbon is great. There's a similar thing in Madrid. They're excellent ideas.

@The3rdWatermelon sounds like my ideal place !

no trainers , or dogs , any bored children instantly booted out

All food served on a proper plate with the entire meal on it not in a load of other dishes , slates , wire baskets

It has to be warm

All waiting staff to keep their entire tip rather than share it out

Forgot to add dont call anyone " guys " or order me to " enjoy " drives me nuts

@WheelieBinPrincess

Oh that's disappointing (chilly pomegranate too I see!)

I no longer live in the UK, but we have had some lovely meals in the Thatched House - before it got all noisy and "party"-ish

I wouldn't charge restaurant prices and still expect people to order at the bar.

Most of mine have already been said:

Rather a small menu done well than a huge menu done mediocre. And a small/large option.

Zero tolerance for anyone using the waiting staff as unpaid babysitters/sit down enforcers.

A supplement free cheeseboard with enough crackers. THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH CRACKERS. Same if pate is offered, never enough toast.

No discrimination against single diners. If a table for four is free, sit them there without eye rolling and the like. Make them feel ridiculously welcome (I speak from experience).

Space between tables and areas for larger groups, preferably where they won't annoy smaller parties. I hate it when tables are too close together.

Separate areas for dogs/children.

Decent FREE condiments/bread/butter for table.

To echo a PP, asking for the bill is a sign to go. Return promptly to facilitate this.

A toastie restaurant

Sweet and Savoury
Any combination made
White bread and proper butter for said toasties
Mismatched furniture/crockery
And a piano/guitar in the corner with some comfy chairs so customers could play/listen

None of those bloody mini chip basket thingies, they hack me off more than words can explain. And those teeny pots of coleslaw, a 6 month old could eat more than they hold.