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Original poster

DM has cut me out of her will

425 replies

Wisforwater · 16/11/2021 21:02

And I'm really upset. I'm one of 4 siblings (I'm the only girl). We are all comfortably off, although my household income is probably about 4 x that of the others. We are a close family. DM casually dropped into the conversation today that she has changed her will so that I won't get a share of her estate on her death, and that I can have belongings instead, because I don't "need" any money. Whilst DM lives in a house worth about £1m, the monetary total of anything of sentimental value is probably less than £1000. She added that I and my children have had more of her time than my siblings/other grandchildren(this is entirely their choice), so it seems only fair that she compensates them financially. I'm just so upset. She's right in that we don't "need" the money, but tonight it just feels like she doesn't value me like she values my siblings and that when I've spent time with her she's been making a mental note to ensure that time spent comes off any inheritance. Just to be clear, I don't think I'm entitled to anything, if DM wanted to blow it all on holidays or give it all to charity I'd be fine with that. It just feels really unfair to do it the way she wants. Can anyone help me reconcile this because I really don't want it to cause a family rift?

OP posts:
Kikkomam · 17/11/2021 08:13

You need counselling.

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:15

particularly if they don't even need the money - has no rights and deserves no sympathy. It's grabby and cheap.

Who gets to decide someone doesn't need the money though? You decided your brother doesn't need as for you it would be life changing, why does that not make you equally grabby & cheap as him who also feels he needs it?

But what many people are saying it's not actually about the money but what it represents to be left out.

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:15

Top trolling.

Of course more money would be nice. Unlike the OP, the money would be life-changing for me.

But not really the important issue here.

The important issue is that my dm was unable to do what she wanted with her own money. And she clearly felt awful about it - she apologised to me and my dcs repeatedly for the fact my oldest db wouldn't 'allow' her to do what she wanted. Elder abuse is a real thing. And horrible.

Anyway, hope you had a good morning winding people up on the internet. What a happy life you must have.

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:17

@breadrollz

particularly if they don't even need the money - has no rights and deserves no sympathy. It's grabby and cheap.

Who gets to decide someone doesn't need the money though? You decided your brother doesn't need as for you it would be life changing, why does that not make you equally grabby & cheap as him who also feels he needs it?

But what many people are saying it's not actually about the money but what it represents to be left out.

Who gets to decide someone doesn't need the money though?

Er...my dm decided this.

It was her money.

Is reading comprehension not your strong subject?

HalfHope · 17/11/2021 08:17

What matters is what the person whose money it is wants to do with it.

Fair enough. They'll also probably be thinking ahead then to their very elderly years and being pragmatic about those too. Downsizing to a smaller home for instance and allowing all siblings (male or female) to care for them alongside a carer.

cptartapp · 17/11/2021 08:19

With all the assets she has, your DM is going to be quite happy for you, in your middle years to be her carer in old age, and let you shoulder the burden of all the sacrifices, stresses time and commitments that entails. Indefinitely? She even let you move in preparation??! Wow.
Why did she see so much more of you and provide much more childcare for your DC when younger? I wonder how your brothers really feel about that?

StopGo · 17/11/2021 08:19

OP your DM isn't amazing at all. She is in effect punishing you for being female in exactly they same she and her sister were treated. Nasty act of revenge yet she still expects you to care for when time comes. At least you know exactly where you stand.

Kikkomam · 17/11/2021 08:19

But not really the important issue here

Omg.

It clearly is a MASSIVE issue for you!

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:19

@Kikkomam

You need counselling.
Another one with poor reading comprehension.

I had counselling. It was my therapist who actually raised the issue of how badly my dm had been treated by my brother and expressed shock that no-one had supported my poor dm to write her will as she wanted!!

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:20

* Of course more money would be nice. Unlike the OP, the money would be life-changing for me.*

So you are grabby then but just feel more entitled because you "need" it more.

Anyway, hope you had a good morning winding people up on the internet.

🤣🤣🤣 how can you type this without a shrewd of self awareness.

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:21

@Kikkomam

But not really the important issue here

Omg.

It clearly is a MASSIVE issue for you!

No. I get that you are someone for whom money really matters, so find it impossible to understand that other people could have different priorities though.

Poor you.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/11/2021 08:21

Circumstances in which a parent might decide to leave a child nothing:

  1. Child is Bill Gates
  2. Child is a Hollywood A lister
  3. Child has behaved atrociously to family
  4. Child is in prison for horrendous unforgivable crime
  5. Child has squandered all money, opportunities etc and would probably do same with inheritance

Circumstances in which a parent might decided to leave one child everything/most of estate:

  1. Child has additional needs, e.g. major disability, and can't earn a living
  2. Child has a child in that position so can't earn a living
  3. Child has provided care to parent which would otherwise have had to be paid for or couldn't have been obtained, and has been unable to earn a living during that time
  4. Child has major role in family business, other children don't work in business

Most people won't be in any of those situations. Simplest and fairest thing to do is to leave everything divided equally.

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:22

Er...my dm decided this.
It was her money.

And yet you didn't get it, bummer!

Kikkomam · 17/11/2021 08:23

I hope this is in some way cathartic for you as you clearly have no idea what your posts sound like, but have managed to make it all about you. Calling people names won't help you get over what happened to you.

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:23

The lack of self awareness is astounding

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:25

@breadrollz

* Of course more money would be nice. Unlike the OP, the money would be life-changing for me.*

So you are grabby then but just feel more entitled because you "need" it more.

Anyway, hope you had a good morning winding people up on the internet.

🤣🤣🤣 how can you type this without a shrewd of self awareness.

The trolling is boring now.

If I had felt entitled to my dm's money, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to put my dm in touch with a solicitor to write the will she told everyone who visited the house she wanted to write.

I chose not to do that, because that would have felt improper for me to be involved when I stood to benefit.

Meanwhile, you are recommending the OP emotionally blackmail her dm, even though she stands to benefit from doing so.

You couldn't make it up.

Guess you think all the readers of this thread are stupid.

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:28

@farfetched you are the troll as I don't believe anyone could be so obtuse plus it's boring & derailing the thread.

Im not interested in engaging with you anymore so run along.

HarrisonStickle · 17/11/2021 08:30

@farfetched

In a nutshell, what matters is not what the OP wants, it's not what the OP's siblings want (and we have no idea what that is), it's not what I want or my brother wanted that matter.

What matters is what the person whose money it is wants to do with it.

Anyone who has the cheek to demand a parent change their will to suit them - particularly if they don't even need the money - has no rights and deserves no sympathy. It's grabby and cheap.

It's YOUR brother who made those demands, the OP has not made them.

The OP is NOT your brother.

Talk about lack of reading comprehension. Talk about top trolling.

As another PP has said, well done in making this thread all about you and your bitterness at your brother.

Slow clap. 👏 👏 👏

breadrollz · 17/11/2021 08:30

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g that's how I see it, apart from a few extenuating circumstances the fair thing to do is split things equally.

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:31

@Kikkomam

I hope this is in some way cathartic for you as you clearly have no idea what your posts sound like, but have managed to make it all about you. Calling people names won't help you get over what happened to you.
And you have no idea how you come across.

I have clearly explained why I have my views, because I experienced a very similar situation.

What is not clear is why you are so involved in this thread, and posting continuous personal attacks on me. Nor why you think it is acceptable to post mental health slurs about me, in lieu of an argument.

Calling me names is

farfetched · 17/11/2021 08:31

unacceptable.

HalfHope · 17/11/2021 08:32

If all four siblings are working full time then some sort of discussion needs to be had in the family about elder care. The parent in this case may well have a large house to leave to three of the siblings right now but her health may decline and it may have to be sold.

HarrisonStickle · 17/11/2021 08:32

The trolling is boring now.

It sure is.

Guess you think all the readers of this thread are stupid.

Maybe just the one who's so consumed and blinded by their own bitternes.

PopsicleHustler · 17/11/2021 08:33

Yes, @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g she didnt have a will, and all her money and sale from her house which was a very beautiful bungalow was meant to be split between the 6 children and the 10 grand children. My relative took all the money and gave it to two of the cousins and herself and they're all living very luxurious and fancy. A lot of the other family has cut her off. I cant do a solicitor unfortunately and they are in a different country to me too. My birth country. It would cost a lot of money to fly over and sort out a solicitor etc. I thought my oldest uncle would have tried to sort it all out but he has been extremely unwell for years and I dont know what's going on as I am not in contact with anyone. Only have the two cousins on Facebook who got a 3rd of the money each and are apparently now living it up in homes like Buckingham palace.

I also was very close to my grandmother. She was all the family I had, and I found out she died on bloody Facebook. No one called me even though they all knew I was the closest to her and made more of an effort than all of them put together. I still cant believe she is passed. It breaks my heart.

tintodeverano2 · 17/11/2021 08:34

[quote Wisforwater]@canigooutyet my looking after her in old age is a given. We moved for this eventuality. She is an amazing mum and I will do everything I can for her as she gets older irrespective of her will. Today it just really hurts.[/quote]
Tell her how hurt you are. Maybe she hasn't changed the will yet?