So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

I feel like this a lot of the time.

Does DH pull his weight with housework, childcare, and paid work?

I’m not a dog person but there is a lot of good advice on MN.

Appreciate money might be tight due to ill health and other stuff but could you pay for some help at home? Cleaner etc.

I hear you .

I agree with every single word. It is so bloody tedious and unrelenting. How old are you OP? The peri menopause may be contributing to your overwhelmed feelings. It definitely contributes to me feeling like this and being irritable and intolerant about every sodding thing.

I hear you too. You’re not alone.

You aren't alone. Oh for even a day not having to do anything.

I hear you too. 110%. Solidarity.

I can relate to a lot of this. I feel so exhausted

Can you take a break. Go to that cottage on the Welsh coast!! Can you organise a week off. It will take some energy but I really think you should do it. Go with an old friend or alone if you want to- book somewhere with a fabulous bath. I think you’ll come back feeling very very refreshed.
I get the stressful dog thing- you need a plan of action to sort that out- get a dog trainer and do a few sessions together; this will also really help you move to a better quality of life day to day! I’ve had this before and it ruins all the walks and turns it into a massive chore. Find a dog trainer and change that as that will be a big help for you. If you can muster a plan including a week away & a dog trainer on your return, I think you will come back totally refreshed. Sending you a hug xxxxx

Yup, been down in the dumps about the groundhog days.

You are not alone OP. I think the approaching of winter makes it feel worse.

I relate so much!!! I feel exactly the same including the aresehole dog!! I walk the school run twice a day but can't take him. £350 worth of behaviourist support and 2 months of training and he's still a pain in the backside. Never ending housework, kids stuff and dog stuff and a miserable part time job (which fits perfectly round school runs which i am incredibly grateful for but leaves me feeling trapped in that job) and i am so miserable. I don't have the answer but one thing that is helping slightly is getting up an hour earlier (even though i feel exhausted) and spending that time completing a gratitude journal, meditating and just having a coffee and some headspace. I'm a way off fixing things but i notice how much worse i feel on the days i click snooze and stay in bed instead. Hope things improve soon.

You sound depressed OP, but honestly phrases pass, make whatever changes you need to make life easier, can the kids walk the dog or your partner? Walk the dog with a friend? We are all lucky to be alive. I live with a chronic illness, so I understand how tough that is and yes I have rough days, but I am grateful every morning when I wake up, that I can still walk. Grateful that I have a DH that cares for me and lovely DS’. I hope things improve for you soon. We all get down from time to time, just don’t let it fester.

Without in any way meaning to minimise it, is it possible you could be peri-menopausal?

I just remember feeling exactly the same, then came “the rage” then HRT really, really helped.

And because it sucks (but it goes get better).

I’m feeling like this today. I even put happy music on to cheer me up but all it did was make me pine for my carefree day’s and I ended up feeling worse!
Maybe its the weather and darkness.

Rehome the dog if it's annoying you that much.

I could of written your post.
Feel just the same. Have a two yr old large breed who is a total pain when walking out. Had none of this with my previous dog, same breed. Everything is drudgery, work relentless and life seems very tedious at the moment to say the least. Am 47 and thinking, peri is either upon me or rapidly approaching, as i am normally such a positive person.

You need a holiday. It really sounds as though you just need a proper break.

I took a day off work today just because i needed a day where i can sit in the house and not be pestered

@Fritilleries

Rehome the dog if it's annoying you that much.

Oh, if life were that black and white!

I hear you OP

I've had the arsehole dog and all the behaviourist training etc never worked. What did was giving up on the kind of walks I had in mind and doing instead what she liked and what worked, which was somewhere in the middle of nowhere with no one else around and an extending lead. I have the health issues too so walking often hard anyway and painful, sometimes one of the camping stake dog tie things and a good long lead and a picnic blanket for me, and she had a good snuffle and trot around and I sat down and admired the scenery and talked to her and we had a much better time that didn't leave me wanting to run (limp) away.

I'm so sorry about the health stuff, it is so hard to manage life around it all. What's helped drop my stress is to cut right down on the clutter in the house, to get rid of stuff and store stuff and have out only what goes easily away and makes housework less exhausting and overwhelming.

And there is a time and a place for taking a couple of days if you can afford it, going to a hotel and just resting, sleeping in, reading, have some hot baths, walk outside if you feel up to it, but just having some repair and recovery time for you. It may seem hell to organise but the family need to realise, it'll be a bigger hell for them in the end if they wear you right out.

@iwishiwasafish

Without in any way meaning to minimise it, is it possible you could be peri-menopausal?

I just remember feeling exactly the same, then came “the rage” then HRT really, really helped.

And because it sucks (but it goes get better).

I thought this too tbh - because it sounds like me and so many women I know (all in forties with primary school aged children). Sending you a hug OP. It's shit. I changed jobs to one working from home while I study and retrain. I'm also laying down boundaries of solid fucking steel and taking no prisoners. Finally the self care thing is crucial- don't let anyone talk you out of it. You deserve to be happy. Definitely have a chat to your GP. I'm giving it a few more months and then I'll be going back asking for HRT if the vitamins etc don't help.

Thankyou for all the replies, its been so good just to hear that people get it and I'm not alone in it.

Thanks for all the advice too. I feel like I'm just stuck really, there's nothing I can do to change anything and I don't actually want to change anything cause of course I love my family and don't actually want to be without them. My job is as good as its going to get for me (nice hours, decent money, close to home, flexible). DH does his fair share at home. The dog, well I don't know what the answer to him is, we've spent so much money on trainers and behaviourist and he's hugely improved but still an absolute pain in the arse, I regret getting him massively but we all love him (well I don't, I like him a reasonable amount but DH and DC adore him, I don't really know why!) The DC can't walk him but DH does half the walks so again, there's nothing I can really do about it. We've also got 2 cats who are ridiculously demanding, constantly want food and fusses, the amount of hair they all produce is insane.

I'm 41, I don't think I'm depressed, just in need of a break. We have a family holiday abroad booked for next year but again, its just a tonne of work to even get there. I really might book that cottage, even just for 1 night.

Rehome the dog. Get domestic help.

@Fritilleries

Rehome the dog if it's annoying you that much.

This. Life is too short!

I did nothing today. I had a day off work and watch telly all day until the kids came home and then I ordered them pizza.
I feel better.