So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

12zilla5845748 I'm sorry you're struggling too. You're right that I'm very lucky to have a supportive DH, it does are the world of difference. I hope you can find more ways to help you cope.

Your life sounds lovely! You just need a break away - maybe a few days with a friend, chilling out.

All dogs need discipline, exercise and affection in that order (and discipline does not mean hitting, but training, boundaries and understanding that you are the boss). With dogs, you get out what you put in and a good dog is a joy.

You are only 41 - it's going to be okay

@TatianaBis

Life’s too short for shit pets. Just rehome the lot.

Pathetic and idiotic.

Felt the same about our dog. A black lab, 46kg, and no he’s not overweight. Just had to keep on it with the training. At age 4 he suddenly changed and is a joy now. He still needs reinforcement training ALL the time, he’s a, “oh you want me to do that, errrr maybe in a bit!”

The best thing I did was get a figure of 8 lead, and boy had we been through a lots of leads. I constantly talk to him. The trainer did this thing where she had him on a short lead and told him “head up”, so he’s walking alongside nicely, when’s he’s good I tell him lots. She taught him to look at me with the command “look” (lots of treats in the beginning).
I buy small dog milky bones from Sainsbury’s as a treat and used lots of little bits of carrot, small bits of cooked chicken in the puppy days.
We had lots of trouble because I didn’t realise you never stop training them, and I did, and he forgot and we had to start again, several times. But in the end he’s just a gorgeous and loving and we adore him.
The trainer made us decide on the words we would use for his commands and write them down as she realised I said, lay, and my DH said down, no wonder poor dog wasn’t doing very well at one point.

I hope you get some respite too, maybe take the dog and go somewhere just you and him all day and see if you can use the time with him to get some respite.

Yes, I find getting out of the house when possible helps too earthsight.

Pascal80 thankyou, you're right I do have a lovely life, I've just lost sight of it a bit.

The dog, I've honestly put so much into him, he's very good at home but walks are a daily challenge. We will get there but he's still very much a work in progress and he's tested my patient to the limits at times.

Life is just one damn thing after another really. My children have all left home now and sometimes I wonder how the hell I did it all: I once tried to work out how many meals I had cooked during the process of bringing up 3 children - I gave up - it was too many.

Word to the wise here .... get rid of the bloody dog. You have enough to do without that encumbrance.

Ps can I add the weirdest suggestion to some people on here? Swing on a swing if you feel up to it physically. It gives you a weird sort of rush and wakes you up!! Same with swimming or cycling/going on a scooter!!

I keep reading about these dog thief's stealing people's beloved pets, I wish they'd come round our way, I don't think I'd put up much resistant although they'd probably drop him back within an hour!

I also dream of running away but to a cottage on the remote west coast of Scotland with a pile of books and my lovely dogs!

Yes, I'm with you on this one, totally get it.

23stayathomer I can understand that, haven't done it for a long while but I do enjoy a swing! A swim would be lovely too.

@Dragonfire282

I do feel a lot better for ranting, thankyou all. Unfortunately I can't drink due to my health problems! I genuinely think cannabis should be legal for people like me who need to chill out and can't enjoy a glass of wine!

I order it online fortnightly for my husband's chronic pain. It has transformed him when all the awful prescription meds hardly touched the pain.

25Pascal80 you can order cannabis online?

@Dragonfire282

Pascal80 thankyou, you're right I do have a lovely life, I've just lost sight of it a bit.

The dog, I've honestly put so much into him, he's very good at home but walks are a daily challenge. We will get there but he's still very much a work in progress and he's tested my patient to the limits at times.

Interesting that he is good at home, but difficult outside. I know you probably have enough on your plate, but walking as a ''pack'' with your family and the dog will help a lot.
Also you could try a'' halti'' if he pulls. These do work! Also, of-course - no harnesses - harnesses train dogs to pull - that is their purpose. Collar and lead always. Good luck. x

@Dragonfire282

25Pascal80 you can order cannabis online?

Yes. I've done it for two years because my husband, who was young and fit, developed a sudden illness which is permanent, poorly managed and very painful. It is very easy to order online. I use two suppliers. I have never had a problem. I use bank transfer to pay but you can use Bitcoin or any method you like. I don't know how to get the websites to you without outing them, which I don't want to do. If you pm me I will give you my email address.

I hear you OP. You're not alone in feeling like this xx

Make life easier. Rehome the dog. Get a cleaner. Send your washing to a laundry. Do ready meals some days. If they don't like it tell them to cook their own.

Just read page 1, first 25 posts. If it is any consolation, OP, you write well. Reads like the start of a novel. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

@Dragonfire282

PerpetualStudent yes beige is the right word for it! The pets are definitely the tipping point some days. I'm a huge animal lover, they've always given me such joy but they're all just a chore to me now. I walk through the door after work and I'm immediately bombarded with meowing cats demanding food, the dog wants a walk, the tea needs to go on, DC need help with their homework, washing needs sorting, then it's tidying up so you're not coming down in the morning to a shit hole. I fantasise about coming home to an empty house, kicking my shoes off, going straight upstairs for a bath, curling up infront of the TV with a cheese toastie and a cup of tea and then just getting into bed. Imagine it! Of course, if that day ever came I'd be thoroughly miserable and lonely no doubt!

You are not alone! It is the constant giving to other people, the drudgery, not having any careless unstructured time for yourself. How old are your DC? I remember feeling exactly like you. Mine are teenagers now, and it does get better. You will win a lot of freedoms back. Hang in there

Ahhh this is me tonight, it's just constant, what I would do for 1 night in a Premier inn (I'm easily pleased 🤣) complete peace ✌ I'm sure I would be bored in reality but it sounds like heaven to me.

Oh no a night in a hotel isn't boring. It's a trick I learned to love when the eldest started uni and I went to visit (drop off/bring home). Wonderful combined with a night at a spa or even just Holiday Inn Express. Total peace for chunks of time, combined with fab shops.

Sorry I’ve not read all the replies so someone may have already suggested this but personally I would swap having a takeaway every week (£30?) for a cleaner to come two hours every week. On the night where you used to get a takeaway just do frozen pizzas or something on toast. A cleaner is probably going to make more of an impact on your life than having one night off cooking and if you do something like the above suggestions then it is zero effort anyway.

@Dragonfire282 - apart from the fact that you’re eight years younger… Are you me? I’ve even got the anxious, scaredy, arsehole dog. (I even love her a little bit, sometimes, when she’s not being walked - she’s pretty entertaining.) I thought I was getting accustomed to the health bullshit, but found out recently I need an aortic valve replacement, so there goes that one. Oh, and it has to be done via open-heart surgery so shitting myself about that concept too. Sigh.
No pithy it’ll be okay-isms. Just empathy. I’m sorry you feel overwhelmed and life is like this. Sometimes you can cope and sometimes you need to hide in a cupboard and cry. That’s okay. You’re a human. We’re all fallible creatures with feelings. I wish I could give you a hug and maybe some wine and we could cheers it all and say “Fuck that shit” together.

@Dragonfire282

I keep reading about these dog thief's stealing people's beloved pets, I wish they'd come round our way, I don't think I'd put up much resistant although they'd probably drop him back within an hour!

You’re cracking me up, OP! And on a more serious note: totally relate, just the other day I felt so so weary.

P.s. don’t order pot! That’s not going to make you better (long term)