So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

Completely relatable. I really feel I was fed a lie too, but I'm not sure by who as many women on here seem to have been wiser than my younger self and never aspired to the life I did and must have saw the shackle potential that I somehow missed?!

One thing I will say is you absolutely CAN have porridge for dinner and nothing is stopping you but yourself. My children had weetabix, kefir and a banana (and a multivitamin!) today. It's an absolute nonsense that you have to have a "proper" dinner every day and I simply refuse to subscribe to such a ridiculous idea as I would literally tip over the edge of doom if I forced myself to cook day after fucking day because of some daft unwritten rule. I cook four proper dinners per week that's it. I make sure there's fruit or veg with every meal in some form and I never , ever feel guilty about it. It's one really helpful tip I picked up (from a dietitian no less) when I was drowning in the stress of cooking uneaten food with two DC 15 months apart. So, I do one day fish, one day chicken, one day red meat and one veggie and the other days are something like cereal/beans/eggs on toast/takeaway/frozen pizza etc. just chuck a bag of salad/carrot sticks/blueberries/an apple or whatever on the side and relax.

@Dragonfire282

and then shits on your shoulder just to clarify my cats SITS on my shoulder, if he was shitting on it I'd definitely rehome!😄

Just a thought re food.

How old is he? It's not a thyroid issue is it?

Get a slip lead for the dog m, honestly. We were recommended them by our breeder to help teach them how to walk on the lead. The difference is amazing.

I felt similar to this and we got a cleaner, it really helped. Is there anything you can cut back on to try and get one in? Failing that what about a robot vacuum cleaner? We have one and it takes the pressure off. Also 10 minute a day tidy up. Normally after dinner and dishes get everyone to spend 10 mins doing a quick blitz.

You could also try cooking double portions of a lot of things and freezing them so you only have to cook from fresh every other day or so. We like good food and cooking from scratch, but we have a freezer that's well stocked with frozen pizza, frozen fish and chips etc for the days when I can't be bothered. Have your porridge and let the others sort themselves from the freezer.

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying and feel the same too at times.

I’m also a similar age and part time nhs, which is stressful enough on its own at the moment.

My dc are teens, and one is year 4. The combination of ages adds to the stress and there is constant bickering and winding up.

The teens are lovely but are very messy and basically live in their rooms, coming down for meals. This leads me to feel like the hired help, basically just there to wait on them, cooking and cleaning and washing with no conversation or interaction.

The youngest is lovely but noisy and full on. The dog, thank goodness is easy and loving. I enjoy our daily walks and at least it ticks the exercise box. A figure of 8 lead transformed our lives and instantly stopped the pulling. I deliberately walk in quiet places to avoid seeing people to get some peace.

I look back to when the dc were younger and all the fun things we did and so how I fitted it all in around the housework. The housework feels all consuming now and like you my dh does help. The washing is never ending, but my dc do do lots of sports.

The house is never clean and tidy. If I do the bathrooms, then they are wrecked again the next day. Toothpaste all over sinks, towels and clothes on the floor, toilets minging. I spend all day every day nagging.

Things that help are swimming once a week, occasional walks with a friend (although friend is sometimes moany so makes me feel worse!), having a coffee or meal out, either alone or with friends, cooking in bulk so eat same thing for 2 days. Why not try texting a couple of friends to get back in touch?

Can't you get rid of the dog? I know people on here are super precious about animals but honestly, it wouldn't be the be end of the world and sounds like it would improve your life.

Every now and then the drudgery of life gets to me as well. I stand in Sainsbury's and think Christ if I eat another steak pie with new potatoes and 3 steamed veg again I'm gonna scream.

I’ve been like this lately. I ended up getting signed off for three weeks. Spent the days getting my house sorted as it was overwhelming, eating better and just doing some things in the garden. Felt so much better for it. Then at the end of this time I had a planned holiday with my oldest friend and got away for a week.

Try to get a few days away without the family and have some me time or time with friends. It may help that overwhelming feeling of everything be work and chores.

OP just going back tonyour original post and two things strike me.

1. I appreciate you are NHS and it may be against your principles but is it worth seeing a specialist privately to get yourself sorted out health wise. Sink a grand into it and see if you can get it turned around. Appreciate that's not practical for everything.

1. I've just clocked part-time, honestly the two years I worked part-time were the hardest of my life. It was constant rushing combined with the feeling that because I was part-time I could do everything although to be fair we always had a cleaner.

Honestly if you were working full-time you could justify a cleaner, a dog walker and an au-pair to sort out the children's activities, teas and school drop offs and pickups except for agreednrimes when you and DH do it. I didn't clear any extra money but my quality of life improves immensely and so did my career trajectory.

Still working full-time at 61 and have boomerangs for grown up children - quick, easy dinners:

1. At weekends make a mega spag bol, chilli or casserole. One portion for Saturday- two portions for 4 in the freezer. That provides one or two weekday meals on a rotational basis.

1. Microwave rice, frozen mash, frozen chips and cous cous are your friend are your friends - along with a tub of Marigold bouillon.

1. Bags of salad are your friends (bung) - takes 2 minutes to bung in a bowl and add two chopped toms, half a cu and a pepper.

Quick dinners incorporating the above:

Pie, (bought) mash and veg
Chops, cous cous, salad jazzed up with feta and black olives
Spag bol and salad
Chilli and salad
Casserole, rice and veg (can be frozen)
Chicken in bag, new pots, salad, coleslaw
Burgers, buns, chips salad
Those ready prepped chicken breasts you can buy in supermarkets with chips and veg
Shop bought fish pie
Shop bough lasagne - put it in a China dish and jazz up with sliced toms and extra cheddar on top
Gammon, egg and chips
Sausages, beans and mash
Meatballs, good pasta sauce, salad
Salmon steaks, stir fry and noodles

Most importantly the dog needs a cage and a dog walker.

Sitting in the bathroom crying .. Reading your post about sitting in the bathroom crying😢 . The demands are different but the feeling is the same. 💞solidarity

Totally relatable. I hope your post’s replies make you feel a bit less isolated. I’m not interested in any negative replies this is a real situation for real women who were told all our lives to stay at school be educated get a job only to find ourselves stuck at the sink again like a our mother’s generation catering and slaving for ungrateful families. It’s soul destroying. My eldest has finished college and has always helped, next daughter is 20 and would make a mess in solitary confinement. I foolishly decided to have another child five years after my two daughters and my son causes an unbelievable level of stress in my life at 15. He is rude ungrateful and entitled, who doesn’t lift a finger no matter how much his dad and I sit n him for all his appalling habits. If I had stopped at two children I would have so much more freedom now it is the third child that is actually caused me to fall of the tipping point at so many times - the level of housework drudge taxiing et cetera it’s just off the scale.

Utterly relentless and joyless. Marriage is an absolute cod, a social construct that entraps women and benefits men. 100% if I were to live my life over I would not do it. I have 2 degrees and a postgrad but I’ve always struggled to manage work with family so became self-employed for most of my life which meant I worked 15 hour days instead of eight. My husband had two years college education minimal standards and his career completely escalated because of the support structure at home that I provided. Decades of unpaid domestic labour honestly it would make you lose the will to live.