So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

@melissasummerfield

No advice but just wanted to offer some solidarity as a I feel exactly the same and am only late 30s so hopefully not peri-menopause!

I don’t mean to bang a drum here honestly but I was 38. Full on post-menopause by 42.

How old are your Children?
Could they walk the dog?
I agree re-home the dog.
Animals I feel are a luxury and in some cases an inconvenience and tie.
Ask for help off your Children.
But this sorry is life until they are older.

@FishGottaSwim I'm with your mum! A long time ago I used to enjoy cooking but after 18 years of cooking for DCs I'm well and truly done and once DCs leave home we're moving to a country where we'll be able to afford a cook/cleaner/housekeeper.

Just hoping our plans go according to plan.

OP I asked you about pain and you said you had daily pain. That will contribute to low mood, feeling overwhelmed and struggling to do things that bring you joy.

When I was dealing with chronic pain this website was a game changer: my.livewellwithpain.co.uk/resources/acceptance/pain-and-me/

Feeling your pain OP. Mid 40s and not exactly loving life these days! Tons to be grateful for but some days it’s all just a massive pile o’shite. If it helps, we took on a second (mental) dog in the summer and guess who it falls to, to train, walk and cope with the adorable bugger? BUT, everything’s a phase. You’ll come out the other side. Just wanted to say, you’re not the only one. Wine? x

We had a dog we had to re-home after 2 years, he was old when we adopted him so had some behaviours we couldn't train out. I used to get anxious walking him as he would always go for other dogs, sometimes children. We would never let him off the lead and he'd wants to stop and pee on EVERYTHING!
Once I had DD i struggled to walk him with DD in pushchair and he'd always be waking her up from naps, even while at home, barking out the window and at anyone at the door.
When DD started crawling, the dog had to go as his behaviour could be vicious and unpredictable, DH was devastated but honestly it was a weight off for me.
I would only ever get small pets or fish now!

My friends also recently got a puppy which had been sleeping in their bed for 6 months despite trying to train him to sleep in his bed... No thanks!

Totally get how hard a tricky dog is. So much angst about being on a lead, wrong colour lead etc etc etc.
Bloody hard work in a town.
Hint…move rural.

Just one more rant and then off to bed. Chit chat. I can't stand chit chat anymore. I used to love a natter but I just want everyone to shut up! I dont feel like I'm present in people's conversations anymore, the girls in work blab on and on about food, what they've eaten, what they shouldn't have eaten, what they're planning on eating. DH comes in from work and starts on about his managers, the same managers who have been annoying him for 10 years. My mum, moaning about her in laws and my brother, DC just talks at me about whatever it is he's into at the moment, just a stream of stuff I don't understand and I try and engage and ask questions but ARGGGGHHHH I'm sure I'm boring as hell to other people too but what I really want is no talking! Just silence, let's all just arrive to work, say hello and then crack on with the job! Same at home, let's just all sit quietly together, in silence! Heaven!

I feel the same, it's like the fun has been sucked out of me. I'm not sure what the solution is but I'm think a perimenopausal gin retreat would be a good idea.

moregarlic thank you, I'll have a look at that.

It's so relentless, the mental load is tough😒

Apologies if someone has already mentioned but have you tried mediation? 10 mins on Headspace every day has made a big difference to my contentment in life.

You need to lighten the load somewhere.
Get DC's to help around the house. They really can tidy up after themselves and if they dont put it in the bin.
Reduce their washing needs, wear once wash nowadays is simply ridiculous, clothes can be worn more than once, towels used more than once before washing.
Get rid of the dog, it is unhappy in your house at it senses your unhappiness and the unbalanced state of the household. It will be happier elsewhere more suited to its needs. The kids will get over it.
Get a dogwalker if you cant rehome safely. This will carve more time for you and less stress. If walked out with a pack the dog might be happier too.
Get the cats and dog close clipped to reduce the hair everywhere, painless and so much cleaner you'll wish you did it years ago.
Spray the annoying cat when he is a pest, he sounds bored and looking for you to entertain him. Get a catio are for him rather then you. Mine used to mooch for food constantly until I bought food he hated and he ate it when there was nothing else. the more whiskas he got the more he wanted, addictive. Give him real meat chicken or ham to fill him up.
Dont iron anything. Kids watching tv, get them to fold clothes.
A cleaner even 1 hour a week will help you out even if its just a rest.
Lower you standards, what do you do at weekends? Are you cleaning shopping laundry or out at days trips for fun?
Shop online if you do a big weekly shop.
Really the only way things will change is if you change them.
Why be a martyr to everyone else??
The house wont fall down if its messy, the kitchen will still be there the next day.

Lightisnotwhite we're semi rural, unfortunately surrounded by farmers who love to shoot. Add a dog who's scared of gun fire into the mix and its a bit of a nightmare!

Yep...been on the go since 6.30am and literally just sat down.
Fucking sick of having to decide what to cook every single night when l know if l lived alone l would just live off beans on toast or whatever. Mind you, dh tried to help with dinner last nt cos they were all panicking as it was 4.30pm and l hadn't started to make dinner yet. Literally was a ten minutes to make type meal so really didn't need to start that early ffs.

Could you leave the house for half an hour every day by yourself? It sounds like you're overstimulated. Could you go to a meditation session?

@Dragonfire282

and then shits on your shoulder just to clarify my cats SITS on my shoulder, if he was shitting on it I'd definitely rehome!😄

Lol....that's good. Your description of the cat was unintentionally funny XD

I’m here too, but had too much Prosecco to answer.
Maybe Prosecco is the answer !
Anyhow, you’re not alone. Have a good cry, I do too sometimes

I hear you. I hid in my 4 year olds bedroom late afternoon just to get away from it all for a bit. It is relentless and these dark evenings don't help. I feel better when I exercise but running in the dark isn't the best. Hope you feel better for a rant.

Op, I totally understand all that you've written and that feeling of wanting to escape (albeit temporarily).

For me having dc with SEN, I carry all the emotional load and I'm tired of that. I have MH concerns myself and on top of that I am sure I am peri-menopausal. I've had dc late - in theory they could be flying the nest, youngest is primary school age and I'm struggling massively. Whilst my husband helps around the house, I do the bulk of the cleaning/laundry/shopping etc. We don't get on all that well but I won't go into that here. I feel very alone emotionally (all extended family is male). It's a huge bonus if you've got a supportive dh.

I often fantasize about living on my own/with older dc who would be independent. That would free me up to have pets too as I wouldn't be spending all my energy on dc/house.

As someone mentioned, I keep a gratitude journal and I find it helps a lot. I also have a couple of interests that keeps me sane and I intend to develop a few more next year. I am starting to put myself first a bit more/more self care and I find it helps. Having a poor relationship with my husband, I tend to focus on my dc but my tolerance is really low and I have to dig deep (I mainly blame the peri-meno.)

I have decided to spend the money on what I would have spent on a cleaner (not wealthy but could afford) on me! I have started buying my own Christmas presents (as usually they are a last minute thought off the supermarket shelf).

Going through a massive hormonal shift has definitely been an eye-opener! I've realised that the best person to take care of me is me, having been let down so many times.

Watching this thread with interest. Sorry to hear others are feeling the same way.

I do feel a lot better for ranting, thankyou all. Unfortunately I can't drink due to my health problems! I genuinely think cannabis should be legal for people like me who need to chill out and can't enjoy a glass of wine!

You have found your people! I also dream of running away but to a cottage on the remote west coast of Scotland with a pile of books and my lovely dogs! My alter ego is Shirley Valentine but unlike her, no man please!

I have been here OP and all I can say that worked for me was a) moving (we were in the middle of nowhere) b) forcing myself to phone a friend or relative I hadn't heard from once a week and also forcing myself into social situations so I'd make myself go t ok the shop and start a conversation at the till c) starting to get out more/sit down and listen to my old music/watch my old shows d) I started reading e) I took up swimming f) made myself shave legs/have baths/put hair masks in. Basically I brought myself back to who I used to be . None of this might be help but best of luck and pure solidarity, when people here say they've been through it, they honestly have, you're not alone (ps I've a great dh and kids too!!)

Life’s too short for shit pets. Just rehome the lot.