So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

Friday, Saturday. What does it matter. Same shit, different day🤷

Could you hire a dogwalker? Driving 15 minutes to go on dog walks sounds like a TOTAL BALLACHE! 😆

I completely relate to your post. Marriage, motherhood and being a daughter does sometimes feel like a lifetime of giving. Giving you other people. Anticipating their wants, accommodating their preferences, protecting their feelings... sometimes it all builds up and I feel like telling everyone to just bugger off.

I'm glad I don't have a fog too. That's push me over the edge.

I revlon:

Dog walker
Farm the DC out for a weekend (with your parents?)
Go away with DH for a night
Make self-care a STRICT PRIORITY, two nights a week you lock yourself away and do whatever the hell you want,
Don't look into the future.
Have more sex if you possibly can.

Please ignore all those typos. I bought a iPhone 13 mini and I'm too vain to wear reading glasses. It's a deadly combo.

and then shits on your shoulder just to clarify my cats SITS on my shoulder, if he was shitting on it I'd definitely rehome!😄

[quote moregarlic]@fluffiphlox well it’s your call, it just read like kicking someone when they’re down to me.[/quote]
I will as I hadn’t twigged the bit about being in pain which of course nobody plans for.

Automatic feeder for the cats & a water fountain for water. You can also get a litter box cleaner that does a lot of the job for you. But the feeder for sure, it’s so annoying when they’re meowing at you!

Reading this on my phone so may have missed it, but what about a dog walker a few times a week? Not massively expensive and would kill 2 birds by meaning you didn't have the stressful walk, and would give you that time at home to schedule a wee relax?

@fluffiphlox I'm not offended by your comment. When we got our dog we were a family that loved being outdoors and going for walks. I thought we would get a dog to join us in our adventures and be a loving faithful companion to my children (as my dog was for me growing up). Instead we have a dog that hit adolescence during lockdown. My part time job meant i was left to try and educate the children, work and deal with the dog at the same time. The result of which has left me with a husband who is so stressed at work he is incapable of helping out (not just deciding not to pull his weight but severely depressed), children so clingy they never want to be without me, a dog who can only be walked by me (can't take the children with me) and a workload that has massively increased meaning more pressure (i work in benefits). I honestly thought i had my eyes wide open in my lifestyle choices and every day can't believe this is how my life turned out.

Same here OP. I just never imagined my life turning out this way? I feel like I was fed a lie somehow? Not sure how to describe it? I would fear being judged as ungrateful if I was to ever voice how I feel in real life...

I think getting away will really help you. I am having an operation next month and was told either my whole household had to isolate together for 3 days before the op or I would need to isolate from them. Well, my family are all going over to the grandparents for three days as kids don't want to miss school and DH needs to go to work. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about spending three days on my own in my own house I feel like I've won the lottery. Sad isn't it?

Hang in there

I understand that the commitment of pets is not one to be taken lightly Fluffi.

The pet isn’t mine, nor is the house. The 18 hour days (if I’m lucky) are mostly mine with a stressful and demanding job tipped with whatever hits me when I get back. The disabled dad and mam with dementia are mine too.

Sometimes we don’t ask for the life we get.

The little arse is the least of my troubles but apart from being a little taskmaster, they have also been my brightest ray of sunshine.

And it isn’t ashamed to be with its fat scummy servant which is always a bonus.

[quote mumsy2015]@fluffiphlox I'm not offended by your comment. When we got our dog we were a family that loved being outdoors and going for walks. I thought we would get a dog to join us in our adventures and be a loving faithful companion to my children (as my dog was for me growing up). Instead we have a dog that hit adolescence during lockdown. My part time job meant i was left to try and educate the children, work and deal with the dog at the same time. The result of which has left me with a husband who is so stressed at work he is incapable of helping out (not just deciding not to pull his weight but severely depressed), children so clingy they never want to be without me, a dog who can only be walked by me (can't take the children with me) and a workload that has massively increased meaning more pressure (i work in benefits). I honestly thought i had my eyes wide open in my lifestyle choices and every day can't believe this is how my life turned out.[/quote]
I’ve asked for my comment to be removed. It’s true that nobody knows what’s around the corner and it’s probably just as well.

Get an automatic cat feeder. Go to a hotel alone for two nights. I'm 49 and very hormonal and busy and I did this. We couldn't really afford it but I did it anyway because it was that or I'd lose my marbles.

I have two teens who are very needy and demanding and a DH with his own MH problems.

I just fucked off for two whole days and nights. Sorted me out temporarily.

Just go to a hotel near by and have a sleep ? Just to switch off? Have some time alone where you only look after you?

I do need to look into a dog walker. I've put it off cause I just can't imagine anyone wanting to walk the little bugger but if they're getting paid then I suppose they'd put up with his quirks.

Thanks everyone for saying they understand how I feel. It's made me feel better. I hate to sound ungrateful, my family are my world and I love them all so much, its not that I want to be without them and I appreciate that no ones been hard on me.

I think once my health improves a lot will fall into place. I do get time to myself during the week as I only work part time but it's currently spent sleeping, which isn't much fun but is necessary to get me through the week. I think hormones are playing a part too.

mumsy2015 sorry to hear you're struggling too, you sound right in the thick of it.

Omg bless you... this is exactly how ive been feeling lately too!!!!

I dont really know what to suggest sorry as i dont have the advice for myself .. but know youre not alone....

Every day i feel theres not enough hours in the day... a never ending list of things to do that grows, you do a job but it goes wrong somehow and you then end up with a bigger job trying to fix it... you manage to save money and something happens to make you need to spend it and more... do you ever feel like somone is laughing at you? Or like your in the truman show!? Urgh...constant anxieties and then night time comes and theres a pile of unwashes dishes and u think fuck it so they stay there for 3 days and then the baby wakes yoi uo 4 times in the night so you end up waking uo exhausted and having to do it all over again...you cant get anyone to help as thats even more stressful as you'd have to explain the babys routine etc how to steralise the bottles bla bla bla... RANT OVER

My DM once said that she never wanted to cook a meal again after we all left home. I was a bit judgey, foolish youth. Needless to say I totally get it now, oh yes.

I have at least one friend who is being tipped over the edge by their dog. It seems that basically in most households, the mum is the dog walker, dog feeder, dog behaviourist. Of course everyone else loves the dog and won't hear of them being rehomed but they just don't do much with the dog or care for it. And being a good dog owner, mum just does one or two walks a day in rain or shine all the time, and no-one else does hardly anything.

I remind myself of this every time my kids ask for a dog!

I don't know how to fight against this once you have the dog, because having gone part-time it's like saying my job is the dog, the household all the shitty stuff, but it really does grind you down.

It is a bit relentless- but you've had some good suggestions about getting a dog walker (I can see rehoming will send everyone else into a spiral you will have to deal with even though they are all lazy) and doing something for yourself. Otherwise we start to feel like service robots for pets and children and the household and not actually like people.

TheBoringDiaries yeh I get that feeling too, of being fed a lie, I don't know. This is what I wanted and as I said previously I've gained so much from my family, I dont think being without them would have been a happier outcome. I just think back 15 years or so to the absolute thrill of marriage and buying a house and having babies and think where's all that zest gone? I think I'm just knackered. Really really knackered!

That's exactly it @OnwardsAndSideways1 that expression defines it. I feel like a service person for dogs, cats, kids, work. By the time I've done everything for everyone else I have no time for me, just to be. And nobody else takes care of me. It's exhausting. As others said, how the hell did this end up as my life?! Not something I ever dreamed off.

Good luck OP, I'm sure a pro dog walker will be happy to take on your dog and give you a break. Just make sure you get a proper qualified one, not some random off Facebook undercutting all the professional ones. Ours is DBS checked, licensed for pet taxi and has done pet first aid training too and claims my beast is an angel for her.

OnwardsAndSideways1 yeh I can imagine a dog tipping a lot of people over the edge! I've got to say though, DH does do his fair share of the dog walking though, DC can't as he's too much of a handful.

No advice but just wanted to offer some solidarity as a I feel exactly the same and am only late 30s so hopefully not peri-menopause!

puppygalore yeh thats how I feel too, I'm living a life of service.

FishGottaSwim yep I'm with her! Particularly Sunday dinner!

Bless you OP. You sound so fed up. Completely get the "I just want to moan" sentiment. You moan away. It won't always be like this, but a break would do you good 💐

You are not alone. I have planned my ‘living alone house’ in Ullapool down to the colour of the aga.. cherry red. It’s relentless