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Original poster

So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

161 replies

Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 19:42

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:24

Artichokeleaves thanks for sharing your advice, I do normally stick to 2 walks (canal and a quiet forest) but they're a 15 minute drive away which isn't far I know, but some days I just haven't got the time and this weeks been busy so we've had to do street walks which are like running a gauntlet.

The other thing is looking to the future, I just see more and more of this heading my way. My lovely parents are talking about moving a couple of streets away (they currently don't live in our town) and it makes perfect sense and will be easier all round but I know its in preparation for them needing more hands on help which I will always do for them cause they've done so much for us as a family over the years but it gives me this feeling of impending doom.

OP posts:
34Blueskies · 12/11/2021 20:24

Rehome the dog. Do much less housework. Just lower your standards a lot. Share the meals with your DP and child if old enough. And take away once a week.

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:26

We do get a take away once a week, my standards are already pretty low, I can't afford domestic help and I really couldn't rehome the dog, he's an arsehole but he's our arsehole and when we took him on we made a commitment to him.

Sorry, I know its annoying when posters dismiss good advice.

I just needed to offload.

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Babyroobs · 12/11/2021 20:28

Can sympathize regarding the dog. Ours is the same pulling on the lead and since fireworks he is terrified of the dark and wont go out in the evening. This is now putting me under pressure to try to finish work quickly to get him out for a long walk before it gets dark. Today he could see it getting dark and was anxious and pulling me about.
I think it's easy for other to say re-home a dog but it's not that easy and even if they can be difficult we are still attached to them.

FindingMeno · 12/11/2021 20:28

I felt a bit like this, and it sounds daft and dismissive, but I tried re-framing things in my mind, and it did help.
Instead of feeling pissed off I had a whole load of washing up to do, I told myself it actually doesn't take long and I like how the kitchen looks and feel much calmer when it's done. That sort of thing.

34Blueskies · 12/11/2021 20:29

If you're sick of housework there's room for your standards to drop.

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 12/11/2021 20:30

@Dragonfire282

We do get a take away once a week, my standards are already pretty low, I can't afford domestic help and I really couldn't rehome the dog, he's an arsehole but he's our arsehole and when we took him on we made a commitment to him.

Sorry, I know its annoying when posters dismiss good advice.

I just needed to offload.

I can offer no advice OP, just that, Yes, i agree, most dog owners would not just rehome a member of the family! I too see my mother, late seventies starting to forget things and repeating things, and as an only child i know that things only go downhill from here with regards to input and care. Quite depressing isnt it!
Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:30

Artichokeleaves I've started to declutter recently, its definitely helped. Thanks for the camping stake suggestion, I'll try that in the spring when the weathers nicer.

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wowseroonie · 12/11/2021 20:32

Could you try a head collar for the dog? We were recommended this recently and it’s helped make tough dog walks a fair bit easier

PerpetualStudent · 12/11/2021 20:33

I recognise this sooooo much (and I’m only 35, so I bloody hope this isn’t peri for me)
I think it’s the drudgery ‘blah’ aspect for me - my life isn’t awful, I have masses to be grateful for, but somehow I still spend most of my day cooking, cleaning and picking crap off the floor while desperately trying to snatch hours of professional time while WFH. If this was something seriously and identifiably awful, I would work to change it, but it’s just relentless beige….

Ironically we only have stick insects but I am starting to resent them massively (they keep dying and maiming each other and I can’t work out what wrong, also they eat like locusts and shit an insane amount!) I feel like pets are so often the straw that breaks the camel’s back when it comes to caring/emotional labour.

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:35

Babyroobs oh the fireworks were a nightmare last week, which is probably why he's been particularly difficult to walk this week. I never see other owners struggling with their dogs, they all just amble along while I'm getting pulled about. Makes me feel like an absolute twat who hasn't bothered to train their dog. I got a filthy look off a woman this week, she had 2 cavaliers trotting alongside here, she literally looked us up and down. I felt like shouting 'let's do swopsies for a week and we'll see how smug you look lady!'

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Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:37

wowseroonie thanks for the suggestion, we've tried a head collar, didn't work unfortunately.

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LucentBlade · 12/11/2021 20:37

When your ill you really find out who cares about you and sometimes it’s a massive surprise in a not nice shock way. Two of my closest friends who I had supported, one with a myriad of relationship issues and the other a single parent struggling with her additional needs DS were awful to me, truly awful.

I think your DH needs to do all walks unless genuinely not available.

I’m sorry your haunt a bad time I bet some is peri menopause.

Gingernaut · 12/11/2021 20:38

@fluffiphlox

Rehome the dog. Get domestic help.
This.

Life is much easier with fewer things to look after.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/11/2021 20:40

You are not alone dragon

I feel like a fat scummy Cinderella most days.

And I have a wee arse in my life too. If it wasn’t for that hairy little article, I’d have gone off radar and disappeared a long time ago. It was a dream. My dream. Still is. Only now that little soul would be by my side.

But like you, I can’t just disappear.

🌻 hold on to the good bits where you can. And the hairy one. 🌻

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:43

PerpetualStudent yes beige is the right word for it! The pets are definitely the tipping point some days. I'm a huge animal lover, they've always given me such joy but they're all just a chore to me now. I walk through the door after work and I'm immediately bombarded with meowing cats demanding food, the dog wants a walk, the tea needs to go on, DC need help with their homework, washing needs sorting, then it's tidying up so you're not coming down in the morning to a shit hole. I fantasise about coming home to an empty house, kicking my shoes off, going straight upstairs for a bath, curling up infront of the TV with a cheese toastie and a cup of tea and then just getting into bed. Imagine it! Of course, if that day ever came I'd be thoroughly miserable and lonely no doubt!

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clatterclatter · 12/11/2021 20:43

I agree with the previous poster that it’s often pets that ate the straw that breaks the camels back.

Love love love my arsehole dog but am really looking forward to being pet free.

clatterclatter · 12/11/2021 20:44

*that are the straw

LettertoHermoine · 12/11/2021 20:44

Hey Girl, all of us could have wrote the same thing. Some weeks are worse that other and sometime you just feel like getting into your car and driving forever and leaving them all to it. You are definitely not on your own xx

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:46

LucentBlade yes I'm carrying around a lump of hurt in the pit of stomach too, particularly from one friend who clearly doesn't care, not even a 'how's things' message.

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PerfectlyUnsuitable · 12/11/2021 20:47

Another one to say you’re not alone.

I think being ill marked it even harder tbh because it sounds like you are trying to keep going as normally as possible, even if you actually can’t really keep going as normal as possible iyswim.
I know that when I have felt like that, it meant I wasn’t just ill. I was burnt out by it all too and at the end of my tether.

My advice on that would be to actually go away in your own for a week. Rent a small cottage by the sea and go for walks, eat crackers and porridge and just do as much it as little as you want, just whe you want it.
I suspect you’ll come back feeling better and more able to cope with it all.

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:49

clatterclatter Yes, I'm going to be pet free after these. I'm not sure how long I'll last but I'd never get more than 1 again. I'm fully committed to them all but by God they create work.

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Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:49

SheldonesqueTheBstard

I feel like a fat scummy Cinderella most days this made me laugh! That's exactly how I feel!

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trumpisagit · 12/11/2021 20:52

Are the kids old enough to do more for the cats?
I actually love that the first thing I hear in the morning is "miaow", quickly followed by a dog that wants to go out, but if I was overwhelmed or stressed it could also be very annoying.
Would kids do more chores (hoovering) for pocket money?

Original poster
Dragonfire282 · 12/11/2021 20:53

PerfectlyUnsuitable You're right, this is exactly what I need. It's so hard to do though, I can't just dump it all on DH, he works long hours, DC can't be home alone after school. His next week off is March next year and he needs a break too. I actually think just 1 night away would help, I'm going to look into it.

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