So sick and tired of the absolutely drudgery of life

[Dragonfire282]

Locked myself in the bathroom for a cry and I just need somewhere to put it all. I'm just so fed up, the constant never ending house work, it's relentless, constantly constantly picking up and putting away, cooking, feeding the animals, hoovering up. It feels like within minutes it's all back to square one again. Walking my dog (who isn't one of those lovely dogs everyone else owns but an arse hole who is incapable of walking nicely on a lead and is either scared or lunging at stuff) all the fucking time, when I'm exhausted and want to just sit down and have a minutes peace, get a dog they said, it's good for your mental health, the exercise will be great. We'll it would be great if walking him wasn't incredibly bloody stressful!

I'm in awful health, treatments aren't working, 'friends' have all vanished off the face of the earth now I'm not able to socialise. Just about managing to work still, part time but that's a shit show, nhs a everyone's fed up there too.

I just want to run away. I want to be left alone to have a complete thought without being asked where a school bag is. How was all this my goal in life? A few years ago I felt id 'made it'- good job, lovely family, lovely home. Now it all just feels like absolute tedium. I want to live in a little cottage on the Welsh coast and go for walk everyday with a normal dog and only have myself to clean up after. I want to eat a bowl of porridge for tea or crackers and cheese, I never want to have to think about what meal to cook or to have to cook it ever again.

Is this what a mid life crisis feels like? I've actually do have a wonderful DH and DC and I'd be lost without them of course but oh to have just a week in solitude.

I would also ask yourself if you are not doing too much compare to what you can actually do.
Your parents are a good case for that. Yes of course you will want to support them but it shouldn’t come at your cost iyswim.
Yes after dinner, you need to tidy up etc..l but does it have to be YOU tidying up? What about your DH? Your dcs? (Depend on age obviously)

It took me a long time to learn to not do things when doing them meant I needed to really push myself to do them. But it gave me some of enjoyment of life back. And it stopped the feeling of always been snowed under and nit coping with life.

I feel like that today too, my other half finishes at 2 pm on a Friday whilst I finish work at 6.He swans off to play golf meaning my youngest has to wait until I’ve finished work for his tea.Lukily I’m working from home today so I can rustle something up quickly.I I then take my dog out, who is thankfully well behaved and the endless washing, tidying begins.He waltzes home 8Ish having been chatting to his buddies in the bar, he does not see the problem.Many conversations about how unfair I think he’s being, but it falls on deaf ears.It’s worse when I’m in the office because I’m not home until 730, he still goes.

Xpost

Why not @Dragonfire282?
Has your DH ever gone away on his own leaving you with the dcs? Why can’t you do that too?
I’m pretty sure your DH would cope, esp if it was during school term rather than during the hols.

Yes I get it. I took myself off to a hotel for two nights a few weeks ago, leaving my DD at home (she is sixteen).

Was just so fed up of sitting in a room where I do all the cleaning.

It was fab.

Only ten minutes away.

I popped back to check that all was okay.

I reckon that's the way to go if needed.

I think you need something for you.

Your life sounds like it revolves around meeting the needs of your family. I get you’ve got young kids, pets, elderly relatives etc., but you still need time for you.

The problem is, there’s only so much time. If you’re going to prioritise your needs (and you should, because you’ll burn out otherwise), you need to free up time by either giving up obligations, dramatically lowering your standards or outsourcing them. I guess which option you choose will depend on finances, priorities etc.

As an example, if you’re not willing to rehome your dog, would you hire a dog walker? If cooking seven nights a week is too much, could you do picky bits a few nights a week or buy in some high quality nutritious ready meals? Etc.

Once you’ve got some time back, you can add in things for you. You could have that bath and early night. Or you could pick up a new hobby that would add some interest and variety to a ‘beige’ life.

@fluffiphlox

I did comment earlier about rehoming the mutt and getting domestic help and I was serious. But presumably this is the life that you and others have chosen and the drudgery seems to surprise people. Personally I chose no kids and no pets because I knew that to do it right meant total dedication which I absolutely knew I didn’t have the moral fibre/dedication for. How did you (not just the OP but others bemoaning their lot) think it was going to be?

Well yes, fine for you to say fuff,

I'm sure most of us parents factored in standard normal parenting hardships, but not a global pandemic.

Can't say we could have predicted that one eh, surely?

Also: Is your ill health causing you daily pain?

@fluffiphlox what a nasty, pious and fundamentally irrelevant comment.

I know a bit how you feel OP, my life bloody revolves around the dog. I've got a part time job that means my existence is school run, dog walk, school run again and it's just that feeling of relentless chores. That treadmill/Groundhog Day feeling.

I think for me it's the change of clocks, early super dark nights, and generally feeling run down. The dog is loving and fun when I'm feeling in an upbeat mood and have the energy for her, but on the days I'm not 100% she definitely tests me. She's hard work but manageable on walks, however they do just feel like an extension of the drudgery. Definitely not the glorious easy amblings that every other owner seems to have! We've been through 2-3 trainers, several terms of classes, and still her attention and recall is bollocks but I'm hoping as she approaches 2 we'll get there.

Can you get a dog walker to take the dog out for a day or 2 per week to give you a break? Or doggy daycare? Other question is, depending on breed have you tried working the dog a bit on walks? When I have time I do some scent work as mine is a gun dog and this was advised by our latest trainer. I have to say she does respond to that - well, when she chooses to

trumpisagit we do all chip in with the cats. Our boy cat is ridiculous though, I've never known a cat like him, he constantly wants food, if he's not eating he's head butting you or sitting as close to your face as he can get, preferably on your face, he scratches the bathroom door when you're having a poo and then shits on your shoulder, we have a half glass door to the living room and he hangs off the frame peeping in if you try and shut him out. He tips over glasses and cups, he jumps on the kitchen table and bats your spoon when you're eating cereal so it goes everywhere, he brings in crap from outside all the time, feathers, stones,twigs, moss, lots of live animals too. One morning we came down to a frog, a mouse and a bird, all alive! He brought a grouse in once and a massive pigeon. Never kills them, just drags them in for a visit! We had a phone call not long ago from the vets asking if we were his owners, the vets was 60 miles away! We think he'd got into someone's car. He has the longest, loudest meow, it's like he takes the biggest breath in and then let's it out as slowly as he can while meowing. He's ace but seriously annoying at times. Our other cat is a perfectly normal cat, comes and goes, likes a little fuss, quietly does her own thing.

fluffiphlox well if I had no kids I’d be doing something more interesting with my Saturday night than posting on Mumsnet, HTH

Same op same. I'm also an animal lover and hate that I now view them as a chore because there's so little 'joy' left, everything is routine drudgery. At least in summer there are moments of spontaneity but never in winter in this weather/darkness.

[quote moregarlic]@fluffiphlox what a nasty, pious and fundamentally irrelevant comment.[/quote]
Well it wasn’t meant to be any of those things but I’ve had two large glasses of red. If you wish I’ll take the comment down.

I agree @moregarlic.

Except that my experience is that you need to add stuff first, make self care/doing something for yourself a priority. And the rest takes care of itself.
Otherwise, it’s easy to always find a reason why you can’t because something else will present itself and will look like a priority again.

@PerpetualStudent

fluffiphlox well if I had no kids I’d be doing something more interesting with my Saturday night than posting on Mumsnet, HTH

It’s Friday.

Friday night! I’d know what day it was too!!

Rehome, get a cleaner and book a week off and go to a cottage on your own. Plan every second of it with things you enjoy. Do it at least once a year.

My friend used this service and they were very happy with it - might give you a break: www.borrowmydoggy.com/

Now that I've had a robot vacuum for a while - I would wholeheartedly recommend one, for reducing daily work. Mine goes around twice a day and deals with pet hair etc.

My SIL goes on girls weekends and my brother, with his friends. Could you try this to get a break? (The other parent stays home).

I’m your soul mate 🙏

@fluffiphlox well it’s your call, it just read like kicking someone when they’re down to me.

Solidarity sister. I hear you. It's bloody grim and some days it just gets very overwhelming.

I’ve felt exactly the same the last couple of weeks, roughly the same age as you. I should be happy but I’m worn down by it all. The thread about the endless school admin really resonated this week! Good enough job that’s flexible around the DCs, lovely home etc. but it’s all so repetitive. I think Covid has a lot to answer for. I used to be out and about a lot with work and now it’s quite isolating away from home. Anyhow, I became a classic Mumsnet cliche and have actually booked myself a spa break for before Xmas. I almost didn’t as it seemed so costly and then I just thought, fuck it! It’s do that or go dolally!

*working from home

fluffiphlox I haven't always felt like this. I've had a huge amount of joy, love, contentment from my family over the years.

Sorry I'm not keeping up replying to all the comments but to answer some questions yes, I'm in daily pain (well more discomfort than pain plus real bone aching tiredness) I'm hoping this will get better eventually but it's a long road ahead.

DH really does pull his weight. He works long shifts, he's not here for teatime but he starts helping as soon as he's through the door. He's never had time away and I know he'd manage just fine without me but as I said previously he his next week off is in March. Nothing stopping me going for a weekend break though and he could do the same if he wanted to.