Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

DC feels aggrieved because school friends have ‘more’

535 replies

Foolsrule · 12/11/2021 09:03

A bit of a strange one. We live in a nice house in a nice area. DC attend a school with a mixed catchment and have friends from a range of backgrounds. Eldest DC is under the impression that we are poor as we don’t have a huge wide screen TV, she doesn’t have her own phone and I send her to school swimming with a plain John Lewis towel as opposed to a branded/themed Disney one. She seems envious of her friends who seem to have a lot of ‘stuff’ on a daily basis, but don’t have the holidays, the range of out of school activities etc. and opportunities she has. I have explained that different families do things differently, we place value on different things but neither way is right or wrong, and she still seems to feel hard done by. Some of it might be about fitting in? Any ideas, anyone?

OP posts:
DameMaureen · 14/11/2021 10:26

@ErmineAndPearls

Imagine getting a towel for Christmas!
Suggest you pop off to the Christmas list threads that are running currently and dominating The Trending Now - you and @Pippi1970 cn blow other people away with your intended gifts .
Pippi1970 · 14/11/2021 10:30

I'd put a Disney towel in a stocking. But if I was encouraging my dd to enjoy her swim lessons I would start at the beginning with her choice of stuff, as I've said. I have three teens and young adults who have grown up to be very thoughtful and kind young women so I'm quite secure with most of my parenting choices thanks.

And I've already enjoyed posting on some of the Xmas threads Smile

MrsCat1 · 14/11/2021 10:36

Interesting thread with varying views. My DD is now older but I suspect I wouldn't have bought the Disney towel because it's just a 'phase' thing and a year later it would be ready for landfill. I clearly didn't avoid all such phases, but where I felt I could I did.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Pippi1970 · 14/11/2021 10:43

@MrsCat1

Interesting thread with varying views. My DD is now older but I suspect I wouldn't have bought the Disney towel because it's just a 'phase' thing and a year later it would be ready for landfill. I clearly didn't avoid all such phases, but where I felt I could I did.
I still have a scooby doo towel which must be 12 years old Grin it now gets used on the dog when he's wet
ancientgran · 14/11/2021 10:43

@MrsCat1

Interesting thread with varying views. My DD is now older but I suspect I wouldn't have bought the Disney towel because it's just a 'phase' thing and a year later it would be ready for landfill. I clearly didn't avoid all such phases, but where I felt I could I did.
I don't think the Disney towel would be a waste, it's still a towel. I'm still using some of my kids old towels (not Disney but similar) when I take GC to the beach. Admittedly I probably go to the beach more than many as it is a mile away but still it gets used.
MrsCat1 · 14/11/2021 10:46

@Pippi1970 Well now you mention a Scooby Doo towel that's completely different. Love Scooby Doo, towel and all! SmileSmile

ancientgran · 14/11/2021 10:49

@PerfectlyUnsuitable

Tbh this thread is eye opening.

It just shows how there is no way someone who can’t fit in (due to culture difference, skin colour etc…) will never be able to fit in within the community. Because that person is supposed to do things ‘the right way’ down to buying the ‘right towel’ or the ‘right phone’ when really who the fuck cares about what sort of towels you use?!?

Posters seem to be so preoccupied by a Disney towel and how important it is to signal that you belong that they seem to have forgotten that really it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter and they should be able to accept people like they are rather than on looks/appearance/clothes/brand. No wonder this little girl is struggling if that’s what parents teach their dcs tbh.

Or maybe a little girl fancies a gaudy tasteless Disney towel rather than a boring white one. I actually love my JL top of the range boring white towels that I got as a gift but I seriously doubt a 9 year old would feel the same.
DameMaureen · 14/11/2021 10:50

We still have Pokemon and a Lion king towel that are at least 20 years old 😂

Gohugatree · 14/11/2021 10:50

Pippin, only fitting if girls have Disney princess towels that the dog has Scooby Doo!

ancientgran · 14/11/2021 10:50

[quote MrsCat1]@Pippi1970 Well now you mention a Scooby Doo towel that's completely different. Love Scooby Doo, towel and all! SmileSmile[/quote]
Snoopy was popular in our house but Scooby is good too.

turkeyboots · 14/11/2021 11:03

Buy the child her towel.
As a child I thought we were poor as my mother made all our birthday cakes. All I wanted was a shop bought cake like everyone else. Dd thought we were poor as she didn't have a TV in her room like all her friends. A significant part of childhood is about confirming with her social group.

ErmineAndPearls · 14/11/2021 11:13

When I was at school, the popular girls wore Eternity by Calvin Klein (dates self). My mother actually laughed at me when I mentioned it, said I couldn’t seriously be suggesting that people would buy designer label perfume for a 14 year old? Reader, I recently bought myself a bottle of Eternity. 30 years later.

Lockdownbear · 14/11/2021 11:20

@MrsCat1

Interesting thread with varying views. My DD is now older but I suspect I wouldn't have bought the Disney towel because it's just a 'phase' thing and a year later it would be ready for landfill. I clearly didn't avoid all such phases, but where I felt I could I did.
A towel would still be used for something, beach, animals, protecting the floor from Christmas tree, cut up and used as rough cloths, it would be used for something or passed on to another kid who wants a Disney towel to take swimming.
Gliderx · 14/11/2021 11:28

I still have a weird leprechaun towel that DH bought me on a work trip to Dublin when we had just started seeing each other many, many years ago. The towel (and surprisingly our relationship Grin) is still going strong over 15 years later and it has come on many, many holidays and beach trips precisely because I don't give a stuff about losing or ruining the thing.

I'm not sure towels go "off" in the same way that other tat does. Garish themed towels are actually much more versatile and useful than pristine white towels.

5128gap · 14/11/2021 11:34

Its not about the quality of the towel or sustainability of buying fad items. To the OP a Disney towel (like a big TV) represents a type of person and lifestyle she doesn't want to be associated with.

Lockdownbear · 14/11/2021 11:46

I'm not sure towels go "off" in the same way that other tat does. Garish themed towels are actually much more versatile and useful than pristine white towels

I'd agree with that, garish towels are more likely to male it to lost property than pristine ones too

MrsCat1 · 14/11/2021 11:50

@5128gap

Its not about the quality of the towel or sustainability of buying fad items. To the OP a Disney towel (like a big TV) represents a type of person and lifestyle she doesn't want to be associated with.
I guess as parents we all try to instil some of our values and tastes into our dc. I don't like huge TVs either, nor would I allow my dc to have TVs in their rooms (outdated concept these days with ubiquitous laptops!). As a parent I always found it a fine balance between what you thought was the 'right thing' ie your family values and peer pressure from other kids.
ADreadedSunnyDay · 14/11/2021 11:51

I find this thread utterly depressing from a climate change POV. We all should be buying less stuff / consuming less tbh - but so many posters here seem to equate happiness / confidence / fitting in with owning stuff. I would have no problem letting DC choosing a disney towel if we actually needed towels, but buying stuff just for the sake of it - less comfortable with that. So much stuff is just discarded when it is out of fashion / not cool any more / not worn out.

Lockdownbear · 14/11/2021 12:09

Towels are not the sort of thing that would just be thrown out unlike plastic tat. They'd most likely be used for something.

I was never allowed to take mums good towels swimming over ever the old hideous numbers as she never wanted us to loose a good towel that was part of a set.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/11/2021 12:09

@MrsCat1

Interesting thread with varying views. My DD is now older but I suspect I wouldn't have bought the Disney towel because it's just a 'phase' thing and a year later it would be ready for landfill. I clearly didn't avoid all such phases, but where I felt I could I did.
If it were really too awful a prospect to have a twenty year old towel in the house (although that's perfect for things like cleaning a washing machine filter or drying off a dog, as it doesn't matter what gets on it and the dog wouldn't care), you would have been able to donate it to a charity shop. It would never have needed to go into landfill.

I still remember the towel I was bought for school swimming lessons in 1981 it was new, it was soft, it was large enough to wrap myself in and, most importantly, it wasn't anybody else's. I had something that was mine and mine alone. I knew where my towel was

Gliderx · 14/11/2021 12:13

I find myself increasingly amazed that OP lets the nice JL towels go out of the house. When we were young, there was a shelf of dog towels/junk towels in the linen cupboard and any towel leaving the premises had to be taken from that shelf Grin. And they weren't the white/pastel fluffy ones!

MrsCat1 · 14/11/2021 12:16

@NeverDropYourMooncup We were always 'over toweled' in our house, including numerous hand me downs from both my mother and MIL. I'll never need to buy towels...

TatianaBis · 14/11/2021 12:21

Don’t know why people are assuming the towels would be white and fluffy. JL do beach towels. We use beach towels for swimming because they’re generally bigger, short loop and dry quickly.

mam0918 · 14/11/2021 13:10

[quote NineCmNails]@Mummyoflittledragon

Very similar experience here. I was sent to primary school with a heavy brown leather satchel in the early 80s. If that wasn't bad enough it was actually a hand me down from my mother with her name emblazoned on it in the inside. She went to primary school in the 1940s! It wasn't a lack of funds thing, they just prioritised hoarding money in the bank over spending it on what they thought was trivial items. Did not help me in anyway with sell worth or appreciating bloody privilege.[/quote]
I agree - That's the thing it's NOT privileged to have money but be forced to have less.

I'm really lucky in that my parents were supportive and would buy me anything I liked without me even asking.

If Disney towels were the rage on Sunday Id have had one in my favorite character by Monday morning (we weren't rich at all but my mother felt she missed out as a middle child of 6 and carries that bitterness, I think she overcompensated by making sure I never did and was the queen of a bargain).

I know other families (who had much higher incomes) who thought I was 'spoilt' and would sneer and say it was a waste of money, I also know their kids were extremely jealous and several kids stole from me multiple times.

I however have grown up to wear Primark, shop in charity shops and the poundstore and have loads of 'outdated' tech because I'm not willing to throw out stuff that works fine.

By comparison the friends whose family viewed me as 'spoilt' kids grew up to be some of the most entitled, ungrateful and tantrum-y adults when it comes to 'stuff' - they do have plenty of good personality qualities but materialistic things is not one of them.

They all have to compete to have the best, newest stuff (PS5, 3D TV, newest Iphone) and if they get given something they just complain it's not good enough when there's better, they always have their hand out for a freebie too.

Spoilt is not caused by letting kids have the things that express themselves or 'fit in' but rather by denying them what they see everyone else has, they then spend their life chasing what they feel they should be getting because it's 'unfair' to have 'less' in their eyes.

People need to remember it's the milk that gets left behind that spoils.

I understand you can't afford it if your kid is demanding £1000 handbags and Jimmy Choos (what kid does though) but a Disney towel for swim class ffs just let them have it to fit in. its only a towel its practical, not wasteful tat and not even expensive plastic tat.

MrsCat1 · 14/11/2021 13:23

@ADreadedSunnyDay

I find this thread utterly depressing from a climate change POV. We all should be buying less stuff / consuming less tbh - but so many posters here seem to equate happiness / confidence / fitting in with owning stuff. I would have no problem letting DC choosing a disney towel if we actually needed towels, but buying stuff just for the sake of it - less comfortable with that. So much stuff is just discarded when it is out of fashion / not cool any more / not worn out.
You are spot on. As an excessively consumeristic society which has developed over the last 50 years or so, we now have some serious thinking to do.
Swipe left for the next trending thread