Things I learned too late in life

[Spiceup]

No one anywhere has ever had their life improved by me wearing high heels. I now wear comfy shoes for every occasion and life is immeasurably better. I can move quicker, get more done in a day and never miss any fun because my feet hurt or I don't have suitable footwear. I don't know what on earth possessed me for so long.

What's yours?

That Brussels sprouts are horrible and you do not have to eat them.
That there is a reason we only eat turkey once a year. Chicken is much less faff and tastes so much nicer.

@Roselilly36

To treat people, as they treat me, taken 50 years of being far too generous & giving to realise this though.

Absolutely this!

You don’t have to be polite to people who are rude to you. You can say “that’s very offensive, I’m ending this conversation now”.

Invest don't save - investment growth usually exceeds inflation but savings growth is usually way below inflation. This means your savings are actually decreasing over time.
Mortgages are cheap money so prioritise your pension/investments and don't overpay your mortgage

Always be financially independent.

Teach your children about money; buying them everything does them no favours.

Agree with Tiramiwho.

I was so conditioned to think I needed to find “the one” (who really doesn’t exist anyway) to avoid loneliness in middle - old age. I stayed with people I shouldn’t have thinking having “someone” is better than being alone. And every time I was alone, worrying about the future. Then one day it hit me. I was happy single and would likely also be happy single in 5/10/20 years! I’m in my 50s now and never want another relationship. At most something very casual.

I wasted so much of my youth seeking a partner. I wish I’d just enjoyed it and not even thought about men. Ironically I probably would have had more success then. Much as I hate to admit it, I think there was a “desperate” air to me, that came across whenever I met someone. Only someone unsuitable will be attracted to that.

That just because a marriage has lasted a long time doesn't mean it us actually working. When you get to the pearly gates there will not be a bigger prize and a better seat for those who stuck it out til death do us part. Don't waste the time that you have.
If you have the chance to be happy with someone else or with your lovely self then grab it.

@tickledtiger

your joints are the best they will ever be right now. Preserve them instead of hammering them with stupid sports/fitness feats that lead to short term gain only.

Do you mean I should give up my slow jogging?

I have recently realised this. Everytime something negative is said I just smile at my mother and say very calmly and pleasantly "Yes ,but I am not you and my life is not your life". Repeat until the message gets through.

Who I am (still very much a work in progress). I am someone with ADHD, as yet undiagnosed autism and CPTSD. That is why I am burnt out from trying and failing to be what everyone else wanted me to be or what society told me I should be.

I was a rubbish daughter, a crap friend, a failed employee, a melodramatic partner and other such niceties. But I tried to be what the various people in these scenarios wanted me to be. I couldn't get any of it right.

It's OK now to be "me" - right now a bit of a blank slate, a bit strange, a lot scared, taking baby steps, often feeling overwhelmed, trying to be kind to myself as I scrabble around in the dark looking for answers. I will make more mistakes, but I am only accountable to myself now.

So it is only now in my mid 40s I'm learning how to become the adult I'm supposed to be.

@JaneJeffer

People who think nobody cares how they look have never met my in-laws

It's not true in general either, but I'll let them believe it...

No @Gwenhwyfar, it's actually a myth that running does your knees in. Obviously no-one should try and go from 0 to a half marathon, but slow jogging will protect them. Strengthens the supporting muscles, increases blood and synovial fluid flow in the joint, increases bone density :)

"They are people, they aren't defined by being your work mates, I've had quite a few jobs and never failed to find the majority of the people I've worked with to be perfectly nice and decent just like most people regardless of how you come across them. Are you giving possibly giving off the wrong vibes if you're always finding yourself in that situation?"

There's no need for victim blaming. It could well be that the pp has worked in some toxic, competitive places.
But you are absolutely right of course - you can make good and real friends at work (just like you can make false friends and enemies there).

That it’s OK to have an ordinary life.

My mum was a young mum, in the 60’s. Got pregnant and had two kids and a violent alcoholic husband by the time she was 22. She drummed it into my sister and I that the absolute worst thing we could do in life, was fall in love/have kids/settle down.

And it took me years of trying and disappointing her to realise that it would have been “a” choice. Not the worst. Maybe, not the best.

I trained at ballet school (boarding in London) aged ten. I danced professionally for only 2+ yrs as an adult. Long enough to get my Equity card and then, I’d had enough. I came home for a break. The break lasted 36yrs. She never, ever forgave me.

"The fashion industry brainwashes us and makes us feel like we can't be seen in the same thing for more than one day."

I have never thought that or been told that. I don't know anybody in real life who's had insults for wearing the same clothes from one day to the next either.

It's absurd to wait for your life to improve if it depends on someone else consenting to 'fix' something about themselves and they're repeatedly shown that they have no such drive or desire. Set your boundary and walk away - there are no merit points for wasting your life protecting other people from the consequences of someone.

Don't worry about what others think.

@ChocolateCauldron

Don't walk into a room and worry if people will like you. Walk into the room and wonder if YOU will like them.

Such a simple change of mindset has stopped my anxiety and boosted my confidence.

This!

That I won’t get a medal for doing parenting the hard way. No one else cares how I do it.

*Everyone else is bluffing. You are just as good as - and even better than - them

*Start a proper pension in your 20s (or even 30s)

*You are stronger than you think

To think less about others opinions on my clothes. I like dresses, colour and a bit of fun in my clothes, it's taken me over 50 years to own that.

When the relationship is making you unhappy, leave.

Other peoples reactions will be more about them the vast majority of the time so dont let your insecurities drive your responses.

@BruiserWoods

I understand compound interest but it's a slow process and you'd need to be starting with a lot of money in the first place to get excited about it. about 8 years ago I put 9k in a high rate savings account, the kind where I need to give them a month's notice to take out the money. It's still nowhere near 10k yet. So, unless you have a huge amount of money to put in one of these High rate Interest savings account, it's a slow process and not life-changing.

It's been a bad time for saving for years hasn't it? My current account doesn't give any savings, but I don't feel it would make a huge difference. I stopped having saving accounts when I was on benefits, not because I had too many savings, just to avoid having multiple accounts to declare.

@GoodnightGrandma

When I was in my 40’s I didn’t realise how old I would feel in my 50’s.

Ditto

Everything aches :-(

@ChocolateCauldron

Don't walk into a room and worry if people will like you. Walk into the room and wonder if YOU will like them.

Such a simple change of mindset has stopped my anxiety and boosted my confidence.

Wow I love this, I always feel so self-conscious so will definitely try thinking this way around