[quote Graphista]@Igfdyjxzyjkv well we'll have to agree to disagree then
I think CONSTANT criticism of this type IS worth raising in a discussion - diplomatically but assertively as I said - because that's better than
A op having to continue to put up with this for many years which she doesn't deserve!
Respect has to be earned it isn't automatic purely through age! They may THINK they have the right to make these complaints and criticisms - they don't! Her home, her child, her routine. Yes guests are accommodated where it's reasonably possible - eg my in laws had a slightly earlier evening meal time to us and I did accommodate that as they are both on meds which need to be taken at meal times and the same time each day, it wasn't an inconvenience for me/us to do so, I also tried with both sets of parents to slightly tailor meals to be more of the plain "meat and 2 veg" variety as neither could tolerate rich/spicy food again due to medical conditions.
But like hell would I be stifling a child's development, messing with their established routine or capitulating to hypocritical opinions on pet care for anyone! If you're that picky - then yea! Don't bloody visit then!
Op is due respect as it's her home and she's the host
Or
B op deciding not to allow them to visit at all
Or
C op gets pushed that bit too far on one occasion (cos everyone has their limits!) and breaks down/loses patience
It's not the level of the complaints it's the CONSTANCY
I guarantee the complaints/criticism FAR outweigh the compliments/thanks!
Cos we women are just supposed to accept that crap aren't we?!
Hell no! It's 2021 and being "nice" gets us nowhere! Yes be polite/diplomatic but still speak up!
As for dh - if he hadn't effectively run away from his own parents and was there to deal with them then there wouldn't BE a "position" to put him in would there?
He HAS been a pathetic coward! Damn straight he should speak to them.
I am sure it will do no long term harm for a week, let’s not be precious.
Do you even have dc? Genuine question - and if yes how old are they?
My dd is now 20, I was a nanny before having her and a childminder after. I was planning on being a very relaxed go with the flow mum...dd had other ideas! She was very much a baby/child that NEEDED the sleeping and eating routine she had at various ages to be consistent and certainly as a baby/toddler if she missed a nap or was put down late and overtired there'd be hell to pay that night and the next day for all of us!
Didn't learn until she was almost 12 that this was very likely due to her disability which wasn't diagnosed until then.
Some babies/toddlers are very flexible and can sleep anywhere (admittedly this was true for dd within certain limitations) and the time isn't strictly set etc - others NEED a routine and don't cope if they're made to go out of it to the point it can make them ill or at least more susceptible to infections.
There is absolutely NO good reason for this child to be forced out of a routine that works for her and her parents. I suspect the in laws are simply impatient with young dc and want her out the way of an evening! They sound very much the type!
and it makes sense to try to get along.
Again I think what you are suggesting is not merely "trying to get along" but giving way too much credence to thoughtless and selfish guests
If the child is too much for them at that point in the evening they could go and rest in their room for a bit, read or something. My in laws often used to take such "naps" especially at my sil house (5 dc) as with them being older they did tire from the energy one expends around kids.
She is the wife of their son - why can't they compromise? Why do they need to be so constantly critical?! It's rude and bad mannered
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None of this changes my view. And thanks yes I do have DC but don’t think I am under any obligation to disclose their ages to you to engage in this discussion.
If OP wants to have a fight, by all means she should have one. My point is that she will end up in a much worse position. I am extremely assertive but with experience I have learnt that alienating family never results in a good outcome. They are just looking for basic respect and they will absolutely not care whether OP is outraged by their views on her ‘parenting’. As far as they are concerned they rule the roost. They have more power in this situation and if OP throws a tantrum she will end up on the bottom of the pile. This is just politics and she should not see it as personal or let herself get emotional.