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Original poster

Judgey in laws

229 replies

Loudina · 02/11/2021 17:56

PIL arrived to stay for a week on Friday. Thus far I've been criticised for the following things:

  • DD (6) goes to bed too late (8pm)
  • we eat too late (6pm)
  • DD should not be allowed to watch TV after 5 as that's TV time for grown ups
  • DD talks too much and should be told to be quiet more
  • our cat shouldn't be allowed in any of the bedrooms (I keep him out of the guest room because I know PIL don't like him) but apparently it is disgusting I let him in DD's room or our room
  • I spend too much time cooking and why don't I just make easy meals
  • we eat too much pasta and rice and why can't we just have some meat and veg
  • our Halloween decorations from Sunday still haven't been taken down
  • we spend too much time on food and why do we shop at sainsbury's when Aldi is so much cheaper
  • we should not drink full fat milk, only skimmed (I bought skimmed milk specially for them)

Driving me crackers. DH is at work when I expressly asked him to take time off. Apparently he didn't ask in time. I'm sure he did it on purpose but apparently I can't complain as I was happy to have them to stay. So tempted to just go out on my own tonight and leave them all to it.

OP posts:
GellerYeller · 02/11/2021 19:47

I feel your pain DH did the same to us. What felt like weeks of passive aggressive 'advice'. Because her little prince was at work I unwisely agreed to ascend a ladder to inspect a loose tile she wouldn't stop 'mentioning'. My neighbour walked by, went absolutely ballistic about it demanding to know why no one was holding the ladder and where was DH (sexist but hey ho, his heart was in the right place). Shouted at me theatrically what the f did I think I was playing at. I climbed down slowly and promptly threw up at MIL's feet.

DrunkenKoala · 02/11/2021 19:51

My mum used to do this. My response was to ask “says who?”

Them: DD goes to bed too late
Me: Says who?

Them: You eat too late
Me: Says who?

It became quite funny in the end because she hated to be seen as interfering/controlling so watching her skirting around not admitting that it was her views.

Sweetsaremyfave · 02/11/2021 19:52

Gosh, how are you coping with them!? I would of asked them to pack their stuff up and leave by now. So bloody rude!!
Please go out and leave them to wallow in their own misery!!

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Chloemol · 02/11/2021 19:55

@Loudina

I've told DH I'm not having them again. MIL has also asked pointedly how often we've had my own DM to stay. A few times. But she is a much easier house guest!
I would be telling them she’s been xx time, but really helps and doesn’t critics explain or make comment about anything and really happy to fit in with our routine, she’s a real joy to have here

And walk away

JenniferJareau · 02/11/2021 20:07
  • DD (6) goes to bed too late (8pm) that is late for a 6 year old to be fair
  • we eat too late (6pm) they are unreasonable
  • DD should not be allowed to watch TV after 5 as that's TV time for grown ups guests should get the first crack at the TV
  • DD talks too much and should be told to be quiet more Does she?
  • our cat shouldn't be allowed in any of the bedrooms (I keep him out of the guest room because I know PIL don't like him) but apparently it is disgusting I let him in DD's room or our room they are unreasonable
  • I spend too much time cooking and why don't I just make easy meals they are unreasonable
  • we eat too much pasta and rice and why can't we just have some meat and veg they are unreasonable
  • our Halloween decorations from Sunday still haven't been taken down they are unreasonable
  • we spend too much time on food and why do we shop at sainsbury's when Aldi is so much cheaper they are unreasonable
  • we should not drink full fat milk, only skimmed (I bought skimmed milk specially for them) they are unreasonable
CookPassBabtridge · 02/11/2021 20:11

Actually can't believe they've come to stay for a WEEK and their son is working, and has left you to be there all day with them. No way would I put up with that.

Lentil63 · 02/11/2021 20:13

Have you considered attempting to kindly explain to them how you are feeling in response to what they’re saying?
Some people mean everso well while being everso annoying and have no idea. Good luck!

GellerYeller · 02/11/2021 20:13

I also found it helpful when it occurred to me that a lot of their comments were actually them expressing disappointment in DH that he wasn't living up to their expectations. And I was being to pass on the helpful hints! Having stopped nagging by proxy things improved somewhat.
I adopted a policy of saying 'ah that sounds like something you can chat about with your son later' in response and the comments got fewer after that. Flowersfor your patience.

GellerYeller · 02/11/2021 20:15

Sorry being expected to pass on etc. that should say Blush

SparrowNest · 02/11/2021 20:18

@JenniferJareau my two year old needs about 11 hours sleep in 24 hours. I track religiously, and however I try and manage her naps (or even if I try skipping naps altogether) it always averages out around 11 hours per day of sleep.

I don’t know if she’ll still need that at 6, or even less, but 8pm to 7pm would be a great schedule to get those hours.

Making a blanket statement about 8pm being “too late” for a 6 year old is ridiculous.

MilduraS · 02/11/2021 20:21

They'd positively starve at ours. Dinner is between 8 and 8.30 Grin

Funny that someone agreed 8pm was late for a 6 year old to go to bed. Suspect they enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn. When I look after my 4yo niece she stays up to 9 or 10 depending on when she starts feeling tired. SIL loves it because she gets an evening out and a small lie in the next morning.

Daughterpanic · 02/11/2021 20:22

@sjxoxo

Yes it fascinates me as well, this carte blanche approach to dolling out unwanted ideas. It's very arrogant isn't it and not accepted in other settings

timeisnotaline · 02/11/2021 20:22

I’d be going out. And new household rule is dh sorts dinner on Wednesdays so it will be even later, take it up with him (dd can have eggs on toast) . Never again!!

MilduraS · 02/11/2021 20:22

I meant to say, her usual bedtime is 8pm and it works fine.

godmum56 · 02/11/2021 20:24

@Loudina

I've told DH I'm not having them again. MIL has also asked pointedly how often we've had my own DM to stay. A few times. But she is a much easier house guest!
hahaha say this to them

"had my own DM to stay. A few times. But she is a much easier house guest!"

Original poster
Loudina · 02/11/2021 20:25

8 is not early for her. She sleeps til 7.30 and is perfectly happy. She wouldn't go to sleep if I put her to bed at 7. Her friends all seem to go around that time too.

She talks a fair amount but no more so than any other child of her age.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loudina · 02/11/2021 20:25

Not late, that should say!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 02/11/2021 20:28

@Smashingspinster

Write yourself a list of stupid ass shit they are likely to say. Check off each one when they say it (you can do it in front of them if you like). Have a sweep with yourself about when you will get to certain points in the list - 5 items, full house. Better still put it in a grid and treat it like bingo, with prizes for yourself when you get a full house, 4 corners, a line, etc. As soon as DH comes home hand over to him. Explain why clearly if they ask why. You deserve a medal for not having run away yet!
and tape it to the fridge :)
NatriumChloride · 02/11/2021 20:28

They sound utterly exhausting. What rude people. Never host them again.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 02/11/2021 20:30

My Mum kept making similar comments about our dinner time & bedtime routines. Perfect excuse for not inviting her around for dinner or to stay over 😉

‘Making a blanket statement about 8pm being “too late” for a 6 year old is ridiculous’

  • I agree. Doesn’t it depend on what time the child is expected to get up the following morning?
Original poster
Loudina · 02/11/2021 20:32

DD is home educated at the moment so she doesn't have to get up for school (I'm sure that's another bone of contention but they haven't quite managed to mention it, especially when they saw how good her reading is).

But her friends who are at school seem to be in bed around the same time!

OP posts:
LoveGoldberg · 02/11/2021 20:35

Have a pad of paper to hand, next criticism they make I would hand it to them and say please will you write all future suggestions down because I’m losing track of things I’m doing wrong

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2021 20:37

@Loudina

PIL arrived to stay for a week on Friday. Thus far I've been criticised for the following things:
  • DD (6) goes to bed too late (8pm)
  • we eat too late (6pm)
  • DD should not be allowed to watch TV after 5 as that's TV time for grown ups
  • DD talks too much and should be told to be quiet more
  • our cat shouldn't be allowed in any of the bedrooms (I keep him out of the guest room because I know PIL don't like him) but apparently it is disgusting I let him in DD's room or our room
  • I spend too much time cooking and why don't I just make easy meals
  • we eat too much pasta and rice and why can't we just have some meat and veg
  • our Halloween decorations from Sunday still haven't been taken down
  • we spend too much time on food and why do we shop at sainsbury's when Aldi is so much cheaper
  • we should not drink full fat milk, only skimmed (I bought skimmed milk specially for them)

Driving me crackers. DH is at work when I expressly asked him to take time off. Apparently he didn't ask in time. I'm sure he did it on purpose but apparently I can't complain as I was happy to have them to stay. So tempted to just go out on my own tonight and leave them all to it.

All those criticisms - did their clock stop in 1974?
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/11/2021 20:39

Challenge them each and every time! I wish I had.

DD talks too much? Unbelievable.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/11/2021 20:40

@LoveGoldberg

Have a pad of paper to hand, next criticism they make I would hand it to them and say please will you write all future suggestions down because I’m losing track of things I’m doing wrong
This.