Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Simonjt · 29/10/2021 14:53

@Stargazerjar

I wouldn’t be bothered about a man using the women’s if that’s where the baby changing space is. Why would I? There are cubicles for women’s privacy. Completely different story if he was planning on using the toilet himself.
Why is man stood at baby change good, but man with the same baby having a wee in a cubicle bad?

So would he would need to go into the womens, change baby, wash hands, go into the mens, wee, wash hands using your logic Hmm

Biancadelrioisback · 29/10/2021 14:54

@Spunout

I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.
Why? Confused
Biancadelrioisback · 29/10/2021 14:55

@toomuchlaundry

How comfortable are people with a young girl being in a communal men's changing room with adult men, even if their dad is with them?

Men's toilets are different from ladies as they usually have urinals as well as cubicles.

Absolutely find providing their dad is with them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
verymiddleaged · 29/10/2021 14:57

DH took our dd to the men's if he had to.
Usually the changing table was in the accessible toilet so he used them a lot a well.
He never used the ladies.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/10/2021 14:57

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
"I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter."

Women here are telling you is IS an issue. I find your struggle to see the issue somewhat disingenuous.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 29/10/2021 14:57

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.

You struggle to see why he shouldn't go into the female toilets? He's still a man. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a man in the ladies' just because he had a child with him.

Many places now have baby change or disabled toilets that are standalone. In fact many places simply have one toilet that is a standalone room for anyone to use. He would have to use somewhere like that:

I have a son and haven't considered for how long it will be appropriate for me to take him into the women's toilet with me but it wouldn't occur to me to go into the men's!

RaisedByPangolins · 29/10/2021 14:57

Why do you think there are (usually) separate men’s and women’s toilets OP?

Have a think about that and then you can decide which space your adult human male husband should go into with his child.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2021 14:58

In if needed he will shout out that he identifies himself as a woman !!

Ok great. So he will identify a woman so that his child can pee in the place he’s decided and prevent some women from using the facilities. Ffs. How entitled. Poor Dh. 🙄

5zeds · 29/10/2021 14:58

He’s a man so he takes them to the gents. When she is too old for that she go’s to the ladies alone. There are no men in the ladies so she is “safe”, and she is with her Dad in the gents so she is “safe”. They can use the disabled facility, which is on the whole unisex, if there is a changing mat until she is out of nappies. If she is disabled she can continue using the disabled loo once she is out of nappies and he can accompany her.

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 29/10/2021 14:58

For me personally, if I was walking down an isolated alleyway and saw a man walking towards me I would find it a bit intimidating. But if I saw a man walking down that same alleyway with a child I wouldn't feel intimidated at all, I'll find it comforting if anything. I wouldn't like to see a man alone in the ladies, but have no issues at all with a man being there with a child. He is there for the child. The chances are he is not going to attack me while changing his child's nappy or while his child is doing a poo/wee.

reluctantbrit · 29/10/2021 14:58

Sorry, he can't take her to the ladies.

Lots of shopping centers have familty changing rooms, restaurants normally have changing facilities in the disabled toilets. We never had issues with DH taken care of DD. When she was out of nappies he took her to the disable toilet, often it is signed as family as well and we never had any issues.

CamilleCottin · 29/10/2021 14:59

@Mummyoflittledragon

In if needed he will shout out that he identifies himself as a woman !!

Ok great. So he will identify a woman so that his child can pee in the place he’s decided and prevent some women from using the facilities. Ffs. How entitled. Poor Dh. 🙄

Don't worry, poor dh "can hold his own". Brave, BRAVE man HmmEnvy (not envy)
Shadedog · 29/10/2021 14:59

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.

You make no sense. How on earth are you struggling to see the issue with a MAN going in a single sex women’s space? It’s not for men. Women have a reasonable expectation that there will be no men in there.

You say you don’t want her in the single sex men’s space but don’t see the problem with her going alone at 7/13/25/87 into a mixed sex space because you struggle to see the problem with men invading the women’s space. It’s not just your DH. Either men are allowed in or they aren’t. Either men can be challenged or they can’t.

You don’t want to raise your dd to be scared of men. If your dd is in a single sex space and a man comes on it’s important that she is on her guard. You want to raise your ds to respect women? Shame your in-laws didn’t do the same.

We have 2ds and 2dd. DH did majority of “out and about” childcare as he worked evenings and I worked days. He never had a problem. Not once. 4 dc over 18 years and not a single problem. Men don’t have it hard, they gave toilets same as women do and have had them a damn site longer.

PleasantBirthday · 29/10/2021 14:59

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
I mean, they could do anything about it themselves, like women had to do. Baby changing facilities weren't added in by some kind of lady magic. Women had to press hard for that stuff.

notacooldad · 29/10/2021 15:00

Literally just read an article about a man who knocks and announces his entrance as he takes his dd into the ladies!
I have. He was praised for a clever way if doing it (knocking and letting his presence be known!)

Sweetsaremyfave · 29/10/2021 15:00

Baby changing if there is a toilet or go into the men’s toilet not the ladies.

Would same the same if you had a little boy, take him into the ladies or baby changing.

5zeds · 29/10/2021 15:00

The situation is much more difficult for female carers of adult males. They basically are just not catered forShock

doublemonkey · 29/10/2021 15:01

It's high time men's toilets underwent reform. They need to be made cleaner, safer and easier to use for lots of people including Dad's with kids. Transwomen and transmen would also welcome being included.

2bazookas · 29/10/2021 15:01

He takes her to the parent and baby facility, or failing that, the disabled toilet. a nappy.

If he HAS to take her to mens toilet he takes her in a cubicle

He does NOT take her to a womens toilet because he isn't one.

RestingPandaFace · 29/10/2021 15:01

Women are entitled to expect single sex spaces to be exactly that.

If men don’t want to take their daughters into male toilets because they are smelly/ disgusting / urinals are in the wrong place/ any other excuse they should complain and campaign for better facilities.

The easy, and often default, position is to make it the women’s problem and that’s exactly what is happening here.

Merryhobnobs · 29/10/2021 15:01

SO I would say the gender on the toilet applies to whoever is old enough to go to the toilet themselves. So if it is a child with the adult it will be with whichever adult it is. Men to Mens, women to women. The baby change is usually unisex or in the disabled. And no a man cannot just go into a ladies toilet because he has a female baby. Some women feel very vulnerable, need privacy. A baby just needs the grown up it is with. If the only baby change available is in the female toilet then speaking to a member of staff and knocking but that really shouldn't be the case now.

Floralnomad · 29/10/2021 15:01

If you cannot see the issue with a man going into the ladies toilets with his daughter why do you think we have separate facilities in the first place .

GenderAtheist · 29/10/2021 15:01

@dementedpixie

They go to the toilet that matches the adult's sex, not the child's. If the baby change is in the disabled toilet then use that one.
This. It’s very simple.
HaveringWavering · 29/10/2021 15:02

@SausageSizzle

Well because men’s tend to have open urinals so are fair more likely to see male body parts on show.

Yes, but there's really not going to be all that much on show (Hmm) and I'm sure her father can whisk her past it into a cubicle fairly quickly.

I mean, most men's toilets are fairly gross but they're not Sodom and Gomorrah...

Er, weren’t you arguing yesterday on the swimming pool changing room thread @sausagesizzle that men’s changing rooms were dens of danger to any child under 10? But men’s toilets are OK now? Hmm
Giveaschitt · 29/10/2021 15:02

Out of curiosity, what does he plan on doing if he's out with your daughter and he needs the toilet? Will he take her in to the men's then, because its him using them, and if so, why is that any different to taking her when she needs the toilet? Or is he planning on boldly striding in to the women's toilets then as well?

Swipe left for the next trending thread