Page 15 | DH and his little girl - question

Just10moreminutesplease · 29/10/2021 22:10

I have vivid memories of my dad covering my eyes to take me into men’s toilets when I was too desperate to wait (and no bush was available for a nature wee!).

Men can’t go in the ladies though.

Proper gender neutral loos are the only way around it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/10/2021 22:27

Why are little girls so precious that they can't go in men's Lois for fear of nasty smells or seeing penises ? What about little boys? This is the oddest thread.

Leaveitonthefloordrobe · 29/10/2021 22:36

Op: If I have a son I'll bring him up to respect women.

Also op: I don't care about your reasons for not wanting men in women's spaces so you'll just have to deal with it.

Leaveitonthefloordrobe · 29/10/2021 22:42

Men can’t go in the ladies though

Unless they choose to identify as a woman, which the op and her dh have already decided that he'll do. Another reason why there should be no exemptions to allow trans identifying men to use single sex spaces designated for women. Men will abuse the loophole to gain access to vulnerable women. Some are already planning it with glee before their excuse child is even born!

Raggedyanabell · 30/10/2021 18:19

Spunout
I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.
100%!!!!!

Men's toilets are completely different to the ladies.

Errr yeah ladies toilets are completely different because men don't (or shouldn't) go in there. Which won't be the case if fathers think they can just waltz in.

Daisychainsandglitter · 30/10/2021 22:03

When she's a baby he finds the nearest baby change or he takes her into the men's.
I have 2 DD's and my DH works part time and has my 4 year old one day a week. It's never been an issue.
When they are older they go in the men's with him. Same for swimming. DD1 is 7 and has recently started declining to use the men's with him and takes herself into the women's independently.

Daisychainsandglitter · 30/10/2021 22:07

Yikes I've just read your last post OP. What an unpleasant and strange attitude you both have.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/10/2021 22:33

Your dh doesn't have the right to invade a women only space.

It is totally normal for young dc of either gender to go with their parent into the bathroom for the parent's gender. My very involved dp took both our dds to the men's toilet with him hundreds of times and no one was traumatised in the process, any more than a boy being taken to the women's bathroom would be.

MoreThanAnOffDay · 30/10/2021 22:34

I once worked in hospitality and the baby change was in the women's
A Man kicked up and said he needed to change baby. Who was very whiffy lol. The management basically said not much they could do. So he changed the baby there and then on top of a table. In front of the restaurant.
I was thinking without a doubt someone is going to kick up a fuss. And not one did. In fact 2 ladies went up to him and said they'd do the same if was them.

PissyMum · 30/10/2021 22:38

What a strangely aggressive and entitled attitude to have.

careerchangeperhaps · 30/10/2021 22:54

DH always took DD into the gents' loos when she was too young to go into the ladies' alone.
To be honest, I'd have no problem with a man bringing his young DD into the ladies' as long as he didn't wee on the seat- it's not like he's going to see any of my private parts when we're using cubicles. It perhaps makes more sense than young girls having to get an eyeful of willies when they walk past the urinals in the men's

cadburyegg · 30/10/2021 23:54

Oh ffs, when I was 3 my mum went back to work full time and my dad was the sahp, he always took me into the men's toilets and I don't recall ever seeing another man's penis nor do I remember them being particularly filthy either. I've noticed some public facilities are much cleaner since covid, too. As soon as I started to feel too "old" to be in there I started using the women's, probably when I was 8-9 or so. I mean by that point I'd been using the toilets by myself as school for several years.

My DS1 will be 7 in Feb and whilst he is still quite a clingy child he wants to go in separate cubicles to me in the women's now. As soon as he feels comfortable he can go into the men's and I will wait outside. Probably in a couple of years time. If I was particularly concerned about him taking too long in the men's etc I would have no issue going in there to see if he was ok if I felt it was warranted. But no I will not continue to take him into the women's.

Your attitude is odd OP and I suspect your DH will soon change his tune if he is put in his place by enough women for invading their spaces.

Fernhilde · 31/10/2021 08:15

[quote FireflyLon]@CurvedWalls
Thanks for questioning my skills as a parent. I have reported your comment.

I shall raise my daughter not to be afraid of men in the same way of I had a boy I would raise him to respect women..[/quote]
You can't raise your daughter not to be afraid of men though. The behaviour of men around her and in her wider society is what will determine that.

Nemorth · 31/10/2021 10:10

@FireflyLon

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

There are cases of mistakes when looking at the sex of the baby pre-delivery.

I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and I hope you delivery a happy, healthy baby BOY.

Then you'll have no reason to use single sex spaces.

And as mother (using your logic) you'll need to start using the men's spaces.

ancientgran · 31/10/2021 10:32

@SausageSizzle

Its very strange how women hoard all the clean and safe for themselves and banish men to the dirty and unsafe. Why ladies? WHY?

Well, let's think, duh! Why is it that men's toilets are dirty and unsafe? It couldn't be because of...the men using them, could it?

Or do you think they design the men's to be rank and smelly and the women's to be clean and safe?

Maybe I'm unlucky but I've seen some pretty disgusting women's toilets. One particularly sticks in my mind, some poor woman must have been flooding or having a miscarriage, the toilet was covered in blood. Had to spin child round fast to avoid that one but others that were just dirty and smelly.

Does everyone else always find women's toilets are really clean?

As a positive I can highly recommend the loos at the Gloucester services on the M5, the family ones are particularly great with a big toilet and little one for kids and same with sinks plus good nappy changing facilities and I've always found them immaculate even though men do go in with children. Don't know what the men's are like, must ask DH.

Leaveitonthefloordrobe · 31/10/2021 10:40

I don't think all women's toilets are lovely and clean. Realistically, if you're in a decent place with regular cleaning, both men's and women's should be reasonable. I suppose there's more likely to be urinenon the floors in men's toilets, which may cause them to be smellier. But the op's husband should just take his dd to decent places, and I'm sure the men's toilets will be fine. In reality it sounds like he just wants an excuse to access women's toilets, though. I can't believe this is a discussion couples have before their baby is even born.

gunnersgold · 31/10/2021 11:26

I work in retail and have to actively stop men going on the women's changing rooms and evict some men who sit In The middle when there is a perfectly good sofa outside .
I don't know why they don't realise women don't want men in there ! Some wives even have a go at me when I tell them they have to go upstairs to the mens changing room ! Your daughter can just go in the mens cubicle or the disabled with her dad .. surely your dh would be embarrassed to go into the ladies loo .. do you think you are the first person to have a girl child ?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/10/2021 14:54

Use the disabled toilets, get a Radar key from Amazon.

That's a very sad attitude to have - why do you think the keys are needed in the first place? I'm sure most wheelchair users (as well as those with severe arthritis and muscle wasting conditions etc.) would rather not have to position themselves to fumble with a key when they need to access a suitable toilet - but it's been realised that it's the only way to ensure that their needs can be met.

And then, after all that, everybody else says "Ooh, I'll have some of that too - just find a dishonest and immoral way to get me a key - perfect."

LemonDrizzles · 01/11/2021 09:38

@FireflyLon

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

hi @FireflyLon . Some of the PP have already expressed this but I thought I could also share.

(1) is when they need a nappy change. These are usually in disabled loos. If they are in the ladie's loo, you can always ask for it to be cleared. Unless it is a very very big poo, you might not even need a full nappy changer.

(2) when they are older - ooh, good question. I would assume for smaller loos, you can just knock and say I'd like to come in to help my little girl use the loo. I would rather the little girl goes in the ladies loo than in the men's and the men could be using the urinals. For context, my older DC (who is a boy, my younger one is still in nappies is a girl) was in a nappy until 2 or 3. With potty training you are trying to get to the loo quickly so it would be great to have a plan on this. From about 3-5, it is assisted. From about 5/6, they may chose to go on their own. Now my older DC who is a boy, I just wait outside the men's loo for him.

All the best

RacketeerRalph · 01/11/2021 10:21

@Leaveitonthefloordrobe

I don't think all women's toilets are lovely and clean. Realistically, if you're in a decent place with regular cleaning, both men's and women's should be reasonable. I suppose there's more likely to be urinenon the floors in men's toilets, which may cause them to be smellier. But the op's husband should just take his dd to decent places, and I'm sure the men's toilets will be fine. In reality it sounds like he just wants an excuse to access women's toilets, though. I can't believe this is a discussion couples have before their baby is even born.

Yes, any place where the men's are bad, the women's and accessible toilets are usually just as horrible and dirty - including wee on the floor and seat as women hover because the toilets are dirty and in doing so make them worse.

DH and his little girl - question

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