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Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 29/10/2021 15:02

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?
Our standards for fathers are on the floor compared to mothers. How do we make it any easier than it is already for men compared to women? Can they do nothing for themselves? Do they just have to take from women?

oakleaffy · 29/10/2021 15:02

@FireflyLon
Advise him to “Identify as a woman” then clearly he can enter a women only space.
I saw a full on man in a female loo - Library- and it did make me and other women feel a bit shocked.

If there is a unisex single cubicle, use that.

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 15:02

Parents let their young daughters use the female toilets alone because they trust that there won't be any unaccompanied males in there.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Terfydactyl · 29/10/2021 15:02

[quote FireflyLon]@CurvedWalls
Thanks for questioning my skills as a parent. I have reported your comment.

I shall raise my daughter not to be afraid of men in the same way of I had a boy I would raise him to respect women..[/quote]
Then you would be doing your daughter a disservice.
Most women know without a doubt that men are stronger and have violent tendencies. So do some women as will now be mentioned , however women have a fair chance against another woman. Women have bugger all chance against even the weediest man.
And in my lifetime of 50 plus years I've never had to fight a woman off me, but have talked and joked my way out of some hairy situations, and not got out of other hairy situations with men.
Women are scared of men with good reason.

RestingPandaFace · 29/10/2021 15:03

Also really how often does a UK facility not have a baby change and an accessible toilet or specific room that isn’t single sex. If men look they will find somewhere to take their daughters.

HaveringWavering · 29/10/2021 15:03

@notacooldad

Literally just read an article about a man who knocks and announces his entrance as he takes his dd into the ladies! I have. He was praised for a clever way if doing it (knocking and letting his presence be known!)
I haven’t read the article but surely that should be “Knocking and asking permission to come in?”
MacMahon · 29/10/2021 15:03

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

Adds to list of things women Must Get Around To Doing,

Merryhobnobs · 29/10/2021 15:03

An it isn't just about being attacked. Some women have religious beliefs that would mean they would want a single sex space. Teenage girls probably feel more worried about this as well.

oakleaffy · 29/10/2021 15:03

Edit: The man came out of the cubicle tucking and zipping up.
Not discreet.

fallfallfall · 29/10/2021 15:04

He is the man. It doesn’t matter if the child is a boy or girl HE takes the child to the MENS washroom.
Mens washrooms are fully equipped with change tables.
Of course women will be kind and give him space in an emergency but no, he has no general business in the ladies washroom.
It’s men who take paternity and a bigger role who need to advocate for more and better suited facilities for them and their child. Not women to give up their space or women to sort out their needs.

cansu · 29/10/2021 15:04

I used to take my son into the ladies with me. Why on earth would it be different for your dh? He takes her with him into the mens.

FatCatThinCat · 29/10/2021 15:04

Men go in the men's. Women go in the women's. Children go with their parent.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 29/10/2021 15:06

Please do not ever let him think it is OK to go into the ladies toilet. If his issue is that he doesn’t think the men’s is OK then he should campaign to improve the child provision within male toilets.

PleasantBirthday · 29/10/2021 15:06

@MacMahon

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

Adds to list of things women Must Get Around To Doing,

Yeah, nothing annoys me more than this. I don't care if your husband rears his children and I don't need to do anything to make that happen. I have enough work to do, and so does every other woman.

Why can't men decide they want to look after their own children and then make it happen? Why are they such moany, weak children?

PissyMum · 29/10/2021 15:07

Why are you even asking if you’re convinced you’re right? The women’s is for women, your husband is not a woman and as such should not be in there. It’s really not complicated.

You claim you don’t want your daughter to be scared of men but equally you won’t allow her to go into the men’s room with your husband? How about you teach your daughter (and your bloody entitled husband) that women’s boundaries should be respected and that ‘women only’ doesn’t mean ‘women and my darling husband who is obviously not a threat so of course he can enter even if his presence is deeply upsetting to all the women entitled to be there’.

LaetitiaASD · 29/10/2021 15:07

@WTF475878237NC

My partner takes our baby into the disabled unless there's a cubicle in the men's with a baby change. It isn't OK for an adult penis to come into the women's.
Totally agree, but it isn't OK for a man to be forced to change a baby in completely unsuitable surroundings (eg a filthy toilet lid in a filthy gents), and it isn't OK for a man to say "no, I can't do any childcare because the public facilities aren't up to scratch so I can't"

With you 100% on "no penis in the ladies", but on the other hand I would have some sympathy with a man with a baby ASKING to use them - and getting proper consent from staff saying it's empty or the women in there.

It's almost like there are multiple reasons for there to be spaces available for people whose situation is more complex than "healthy man or woman needing a pee".

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 29/10/2021 15:07

Well obviously he shouldn't take her into the women's. As said it's a women's space.

But I don't agree with the people saying the disabled toilet is OK. It's no more OK for him to use a disabled space than a women's space if he isn't disabled.

He needs to use the mens or a unisex or family toilet when changing her or taking her into the toilet. He'll find out quiet soon where toilets he can use to change her are, and in an emergency he can take her to the car, but there shouldn't be many places that only a woman can change a baby.

But when you are caring for a child you take them into the space designated for you. So if you're an able bodied man then that's not the women's or the disabled.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 29/10/2021 15:07

if needed he will shout that he identified himself as a woman !!

Just wow!!
I'm struggling to believe that I just read this. Biscuit

Smashingspinster · 29/10/2021 15:07

Disabled or family bathroom.

Deathraystare · 29/10/2021 15:08

The situation is much more difficult for female carers of adult males. They basically are just not catered for

I thought of this when in Sainsbury's toilet. A lady came in with her grown up but clearly 'special needs' son. Obviously not a problem for her to bring him in. Well, I would not have thought so.

EdenFlower · 29/10/2021 15:09

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
So if you had a son OP, would you go into the men's with him?

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 15:09

@HaveringWavering. I 100% agree that adult men have no place in female toilets or changing-rooms.

On yesterday's thread, I was disagreeing that an 8 year old boy should be considered "adult" enough to go into the men's on his own. An 8 year old is still a vulnerable child at risk from predatory men.

I don't think these positions are inconsistent...all we disagree over is the age at which boys become "adult" enough that it is safe for them to use the men's. And even then I accepted that there were alternative solutions which didn't involve the boy using the women's facilities.

A female child accompanied by her parent is not at risk in the men's.

SnoopyLights · 29/10/2021 15:09

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

The answer to that is more facilities in the male toilets and more family room areas to allow either parent to change a baby or take a small child to the toilet without intruding into single sex areas.

I can see my poor DH will have a lot to deal with 😅 but that's OK he can really hold his own.

When you say hold his own, what exactly are you hoping he will say or do to hold his own against a woman or girl who has expressed her discomfort at him being in a single sex space?

And when your DD is older and using a single sex facility alone, how would you / your DH feel if a grown man who can 'hold his own' makes her feel unsafe or uncomfortable because he feels he has a right to be there too?

In if needed he will shout that he identified himself as a woman !!

He absolutely should not do this under any circumstances. Men falsely identifying as women to gain access to single sex spaces is not going to help anyone involved in this issue.

Quadzilla · 29/10/2021 15:11

@Holly60

OP I would have no problem whatsoever with your DH coming into the ladies with your DD. It would be very obvious why he was there. If there was no unisex baby-change type facility, and your DH made the decision as a parent that he didn’t feel that the particular men’s facilities were appropriate for a young girl for whatever reason, I think it’s appropriate he bring her into the ladies.

I personally would rather see a father making sure his young DD is safe and comfortable - than that he is so worried about the feelings of strangers that he neglects her needs.

Just my opinion before I get lambasted.

The trouble is you cannot give consent on behalf of all the other women in the Ladies. Just because you're comfortable with a men in the womens toilets, others may not be.
SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 15:11

Men falsely identifying as women will put your DD at risk when she is old enough to go by herself. So no, not something to joke about.