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Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/10/2021 14:14

I have only once seen s man in the ladies.... when his child was having a nose bleed and he was bringing clean clothes to his partner. There's often baby change in the mens now.

MadMadMadamMim · 29/10/2021 14:14

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.

Really? I struggle to see why you would ever think it's appropriate.

I've never seen a man in the ladies with a child and I would make a huge fuss if one came in. It's utterly unacceptable.

Hen2018 · 29/10/2021 14:15

My dad always took me to the men’s. I always took my sons to the ladies’.

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Families
dementedpixie · 29/10/2021 14:15

They go to the toilet that matches the adult's sex, not the child's. If the baby change is in the disabled toilet then use that one.

Goneback2school · 29/10/2021 14:15

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
I think the question was more, if you had a son would you bring him to the male or female toilets when out. We don't blink an eye and mother's with little boys in the female toilets so what's wrong with the opposite?

saraclara · 29/10/2021 14:16

When she's a bit older, he shamelessly goes into somewhere like a Costa (without buying anything) where there are just one or two unisex toilets.

Until then he researches beforehand which places have unisex changing areas. Or takes her back to the car and lies her down in the boot to be changed (which is what my DH used to do back several decades ago when there were few places where a man could change a baby's nappy)

Sexnotgender · 29/10/2021 14:16

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

In what way exactly do you think we’re making it hard?

The toilet used corresponds to the sex of the adult in question.

Mother’s take children of both sexes to the women’s toilet.

Fathers take children of both sexes to the men’s toilet.

It’s really not complicated.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/10/2021 14:17

why should a little girl not use the mens toilets if she is with her father?

CurvedWalls · 29/10/2021 14:17

If you were having a baby boy instead, would you be planning to take him into the men's toilet?

I would like to know the answer to this too. And if I was in the toilet and your husband came in I would ask him very loudly to leave.

thevassal · 29/10/2021 14:17

@Pumpkinsondisplay

Literally just read an article about a man who knocks and announces his entrance as he takes his dd into the ladies!
I read that as well. Apparently he has been "applauded" by women online for the way he does this (constantly announces his presence basically). 🙄 I think it's crap, his main reasoning for doing it is because men's toilets are gross and womens are lovely and clean - well yes. So campaign for cleaner mens toiletets and better changing facilities then, or take loads of wet wipes with you to clean up. Don't just infiltrate women's toilets because we put the vaguest effort into not pissing all over the place!
Original poster
FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 14:17

@Viviennemary I see it all the time. Our ladies facilities where I work are cleaned by men..they knock and announce themselves.

I'm sure many men's facilities are cleaned by women. So I don't see the problem of having a penis as some comments have mentioned entering a women's toilet.

OP posts:
GemmaRuby · 29/10/2021 14:19

No a man should not enter the women’s toilets - even if he is accompanied by a child.
He needs to take her to a cubicle in the men’s toilets until she is old enough to go to the women’s on her own with him waiting outside.

If you had a boy, you’d bring him into the women’s toilets until he was old enough - you wouldn’t go marching into the men’s with him presumably.

I do appreciate that there should be more family toilets - I would say use the disabled toilet but I read a thread on here from a disabled lady saying she often can’t access the disabled toilet because families are using it.

Spunout · 29/10/2021 14:19

I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.

stingofthebutterfly · 29/10/2021 14:20

He goes into the men's. It's not unusual or weird for dads to take their daughters into the men's toilets, just like no woman would bat an eyelid if there was a young boy with his mum in the ladies.
Adults need to use their respective sex toilets. Young children can use either.

CurvedWalls · 29/10/2021 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

DappledThings · 29/10/2021 14:21

DH takes both DS and DD to the men's. It's not an issue at all. Never occurred to either of us he should be taking DD(3) to the ladies', that's daft.

Even when they were babies it was really rare for there not to be a changing space he could us without going to the ladies. I can only think of one time ever that he went to change one of them and came back saying there was nowhere he could go other than the ladies' so I took over.

hotelharibo · 29/10/2021 14:22

Definitely the men's! Not sure why you would ever think otherwise!

If you are uncomfortable with your daughter going into the men's then they should use the disabled.

How do you think other women would feel about a random man coming into the women's! It doesn't make a difference if he has his daughter with him he's still a man

Original poster
FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 14:23

@MadMadMadamMim I'm quite Liberal in my views. I've explained my views didn't expect this level of angry replies and to be completely honest very disappointed by all these replies. I understand different views and would appreciate if you could respect mine

OP posts:
Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 29/10/2021 14:23

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

We do not achieve this by allowing men to invade female only spaces and therefore teach our children that this is acceptable. We do this by demanding more neutral changing areas, there are already many.
Lots of people on this thread have told you that it's not acceptable but you seem not to want to listen.

WhatsWrongWithMyUsername · 29/10/2021 14:24

@Spunout

I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.
Yes exactly, that’s why it’s a bigger problem for men with daughters than for women with sons.

Although I’d also be less nervous about sending a girl into the ladies on her own, compared to sending a boy into the gents on his own.

(Disclaimer I only have sons)

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 14:24

It's quite simple.

Adults need to use the correct sex toilets.
Children accompany their adult.

Yes, the men's toilets are filthy but that's no excuse for adult men to use the ladies. They'd do far better to shame their fellow men into showing greater respect for the facilities and teach their sons to aim properly and clean up after themselves. I always feel sorry for the poor cleaners (both male and female) who have to clean men's toilets (though tbf women's toilets can be a state too, but not usually as bad).

PineappleSituation · 29/10/2021 14:24

So I don't see the problem of having a penis as some comments have mentioned entering a women's toilet.

The clue is in the name.

"Women's toilets" are for women.

"Men's toilets" are for men.

Anyone who uses a toilet labelled as such would be right to expect that there would be no adults of the opposite sex in there.

In establishments where the toilet cleaner is a man, there is usually a sign on the door to warn women that he may be in there. Women can then choose whether or not to go inside. They don't have that same choice when a random man walks in because he prefers (for whatever reason) not to go into the facilities that are provided for men.

Fink · 29/10/2021 14:25

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
But if you had a son the question would be reversed - what age would you let him go into the men's on his own and for how long would you have taken him into the women's with you? You wouldn't have taken him into the men's as a little boy, you would keep him with you. Same for your husband and daughter.

Giveaschitt · 29/10/2021 14:25

[quote FireflyLon]@Viviennemary I see it all the time. Our ladies facilities where I work are cleaned by men..they knock and announce themselves.

I'm sure many men's facilities are cleaned by women. So I don't see the problem of having a penis as some comments have mentioned entering a women's toilet.[/quote]
The clue here is in the words 'women's toilet'. Its a women's toilet because its for women. Not men. There are a multitude of reasons why our toilets are separated by sex. Men cleaning women's toilets is different - there are usually signs up warning that a male person might be cleaning the toilets, and when they knock, it gives you an opportunity to ask them to wait until you have finished.
Would your husband also expect to use the women's changing rooms if he's taking his daughter swimming?

Original poster
FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 14:25

@CurvedWalls
Thanks for questioning my skills as a parent. I have reported your comment.

I shall raise my daughter not to be afraid of men in the same way of I had a boy I would raise him to respect women..

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