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Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 14:27

I have a son, should I be taking him into the mens toilets??
DH takes our children (male and female) into the mens toilets. I take our children (male and female) to the womens toilets.

FawnFrenchieMum · 29/10/2021 14:27

@QuillBill

But I was also thinking when she's older let's say 4 or 5, does he still take her to the men's? I rather not

You rather not what?

Are you suggesting that there is something uncomfortable about your (yet to be born) four or five year old daughter going into the men's toilets so to combat this your husband should go into the women's toilets?

If this is not why you don't want her in the mens then why is it?

Well because men’s tend to have open urinals so are fair more likely to see male body parts on show.
Muffinsandfruitcakes · 29/10/2021 14:29

Oh bless him. He really is planning ahead isn't he! 🙂 I've seen men in the ladies changing their baby daughters (at hospitals and restaurants). I had no issues with that at all. He is there to change his daughter just like there'll probably be men in the ladies doing maintenance. I don't think he should be taking her to a men's toilet unless it has a baby changing area. Ideally she should take her to a disabled toilet which has baby changing. She's a girl and she belongs in the ladies. Just because she can't get there by herself doesn't mean she should be taken to the men's imo. I am surely there'll be plenty who'll disagree with me though. He can always self-identify as a woman just for that instance Wink...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
RacketeerRalph · 29/10/2021 14:30

DD (3) goes either with DH in the men's if it's necessary but more often than not they use the accessible toilet.

I don't think we've been anywhere that didn't have an accessible toilet - DH used to pop DD across his knee to change her , rather than on the floor which is something I also do, even when 2 or so.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 14:30

She's a girl and she belongs in the ladies

He’s a man so he belong in the mens 🤷🏻‍♀️

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 29/10/2021 14:30

Congratulations on your pregnancy though.. mhow very exciting SmileFlowers

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2021 14:31

How comfortable are people with a young girl being in a communal men's changing room with adult men, even if their dad is with them?

Men's toilets are different from ladies as they usually have urinals as well as cubicles.

Holly60 · 29/10/2021 14:31

OP I would have no problem whatsoever with your DH coming into the ladies with your DD. It would be very obvious why he was there. If there was no unisex baby-change type facility, and your DH made the decision as a parent that he didn’t feel that the particular men’s facilities were appropriate for a young girl for whatever reason, I think it’s appropriate he bring her into the ladies.

I personally would rather see a father making sure his young DD is safe and comfortable - than that he is so worried about the feelings of strangers that he neglects her needs.

Just my opinion before I get lambasted.

RacketeerRalph · 29/10/2021 14:32

@ThePoisonousMushroom

I have a son, should I be taking him into the mens toilets?? DH takes our children (male and female) into the mens toilets. I take our children (male and female) to the womens toilets.
Same.

I remember being taken in to the men's toilets by my dad over 30 years ago. Yes I saw penis's at the urinals, but I'd seen my dad naked so I didn't find it traumatic!

CurvedWalls · 29/10/2021 14:32

I do question your judgement as the future mother of a girl. Hopefully when your dd is born and doing things on her own, such as going to the toilets in shopping centres or cinemas or bowling alleys alone when she is about nine then you will have a rethink of your current views.

Nobody thinks you should raise your child to be 'afraid' of men. Confused

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 29/10/2021 14:33

**She's a girl and she belongs in the ladies

He’s a man so he belong in the mens**

He is not going in there to use it for himself is he. He is going in there to help her.

Ihaveoflate · 29/10/2021 14:33

My husband and I split childcare equally, including shared parental leave, and not once has he ever commented on this.

He changed our daughter's nappies wherever there were facilities (usually in the disabled loo or baby change room) and now she's toilet trained he takes her into the men's loo. It's really been a non issue.

It would never occur to him to enter the ladies' toilets for any reason. When our daughter is old enough to go on her own, he'll just wait outside.

PetriDisher · 29/10/2021 14:34

I started this thinking it was being asked because there are places where baby change facilities are still only located in the women's toilets, to which my answer would have been, "it's extremely annoying that there are places that still don't put baby change facilities in a separate room or also in the men's toilets but that doesn't mean your DH can just use the ladies' loos, unfortunately (for various reasons we could go into). I see why he'd ask and wonder, though".

However, if I'm understanding your updates correctly, the question of "which toilet" is only in play because your infant will be a girl rather than a boy? Which means it can't be about baby-change facilities being in the ladies, but is about your DH thinking that it might be inappropriate for his infant daughter to have her nappy changed in the men's loo, while it would be fine for an infant son? Is that right?

If so, the cognitive dissonance strikes me as quite surprising. Why on earth would either of you think it's so important for your infant to be in the correctly sexed toilet but not also grasp by exactly the same reasoning (whatever it may be) that it is inappropriate for your DH to be in that single-sex environment?

Have I got the wrong end of the stick somewhere here?

RandomUsernameHere · 29/10/2021 14:34

@PineappleSituation

If you were having a baby boy instead, would you be planning to take him into the men's toilet?

Men should not be going into the women's toilets.

This
EllieQ · 29/10/2021 14:35

While your daughter is in nappies, he should use the men’s toilets if they have baby changing facilities, or a unisex baby changing/ family toilet.

Once she’s out of nappies, it’s trickier. When my DH takes our DD out, he feels uncomfortable taking her into the men’s (due to the urinals), but can’t take her into the ladies. Some places have individual unisex toilets, but in other places he often ends up taking her to the baby changing/ family toilet, as it’s unisex, but that’s not ideal as it’s usually the disabled toilet as well. It’s difficult. I wish more places had individual cubicles (the type with sinks in the cubicle ), as that would make it easier for him.

bloodywhitecat · 29/10/2021 14:35

When my children were children I always took them (a boy and a girl) into the women's toilets, exH took them into the men's. Now I have babies in the house again I have noticed that baby change facilities have moved on and are often a separate facility, sometimes with a toilet inside so it might be worth checking out those once DD is old enough to use the toilet?

ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 14:35

My husband and I split childcare equally, including shared parental leave, and not once has he ever commented on this

Exactly this. We have three children, the oldest is 8 and DH is a very hands on parent. He’s never even mentioned an issue around taking them to the toilet when about and about. He just takes them to the mens toilets 🤷🏻‍♀️.
The eldest can take herself now so she goes to the ladies while he waits outside.

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2021 14:36

Interesting there is another thread about a boy coming into the ladies' changing rooms with his mum at a swimming pool, and there are many posters saying no way should he be allowed in there and he should be in the men's changing rooms, and some are saying that should be from the age of about 5

ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 14:36

@toomuchlaundry

Interesting there is another thread about a boy coming into the ladies' changing rooms with his mum at a swimming pool, and there are many posters saying no way should he be allowed in there and he should be in the men's changing rooms, and some are saying that should be from the age of about 5
Once they’re old enough to change themselves, they can go into the relevant changing rooms on their own. Same with toilets.
SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 14:36

Well because men’s tend to have open urinals so are fair more likely to see male body parts on show.

Yes, but there's really not going to be all that much on show (Hmm) and I'm sure her father can whisk her past it into a cubicle fairly quickly.

I mean, most men's toilets are fairly gross but they're not Sodom and Gomorrah...

Nemorth · 29/10/2021 14:37

My DH always took our DD to the men's toilets. You don't see women taking boys into the men's do you?

How bizarre to think he'd go into the women's. Some places have family toilets now which would be his first choice but if none of those, he uses a cubicle in the men's for his DD until she's old enough to go to the ladies on her own, while he waits outside.

Accessible toilets (aka disabled toilets) should only be used as a last resort (unless of course you have an accessibility need).

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 29/10/2021 14:37

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet

It didnt take ling to get to your actual agenda, did it.

No. Women have a legal right to same
Sex spaces. Your dh has no right to be entering women's toilets.

I shall raise my daughter not to be afraid of men
Globally, 6 women are killed every hour by men.

of I had a boy I would raise him to respect women..
And part of this is respecting women’s single sex spaces.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 29/10/2021 14:38

Is he talking about baby changing or taking a little girl for a week.

For the former disabled, for the latter the mens toilet in a cubicle.

There is never a reason for a man to enter a women's toilet.

ToadInTheGoal · 29/10/2021 14:38

@FireflyLon

*Why is it not OK for your dd to be in the men's toilets?

If you were having a baby boy instead, would you be planning to take him into the men's toilet?*

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 14:39

How comfortable are people with a young girl being in a communal men's changing room with adult men, even if their dad is with them?

More comfortable I suspect than with that young girl being in a communal women's changing room accompanied by an adult man.