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Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 29/10/2021 19:28

@PleasantBirthday

Its very strange how women hoard all the clean and safe for themselves and banish men to the dirty and unsafe. Why ladies? WHY?
Because we keep it clean, because we're generally the ones cleaning it, and the men are quite happy pissing all over the floor because we're generally the ones cleaning it?
ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 19:28

Haha fair enough… you can never tell on here!

PurpleOkapi · 29/10/2021 19:30

If you were at a large, busy event, where the ladies' toilets had 12 cubicles, would you be happy to have to queue with all the other women there - with the understanding that they could use any of the 12 as they became available, but you were only allowed to use the first one, all the while watching numerous people behind you in the queue using cubicles 2-12, as well as those ahead of you freely using number 1, when they could use any of the others?

When I got to the front of the line, I'd tell others to go ahead of me as stalls I couldn't use opened up, then go in the accessible one when it became free. Are you suggesting that it would be fine for me to blow past everyone else in line to take it if it's vacant? I don't see why they should have to wait longer just so I don't have to.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
User527294627 · 29/10/2021 19:31

We have a boy, but whenever my husband has been anywhere that doesn’t have baby changing facilities in the men’s bathroom he has spoken to a staff member who has cleared the ladies so he can use it.

Once your daughter is older I would suggest he try and find disabled or family facilities where possible, failing which he can use the women’s but should speak to a staff member first so he isn’t just walking in to the women’s bathroom without warning.

Bunnycat101 · 29/10/2021 19:33

My husband has been reluctant to take my daughter’s to the mens ever since one of mine tried to wash her hands in a urinal thinking it was a sink. She also doesn’t particularly like them either now at 5 as she has realised they smell more and are often a bit grim. When he takes her swimming he stands outside the ladies and sends her in or uses the disabled with her.

TheSpottedZebra · 29/10/2021 19:33

[quote FireflyLon]@TheSpottedZebra now that is a very good question. I've taken my nephew many times to the men's.and women's. To be completely honest whatever was faster or cleaner 🙄[/quote]
Eh, you're saying you go in to the men's loo with your nephew?

Bullshit.
Like this whole thread, probably.

RuthW · 29/10/2021 19:34

Men's until she is about 7, if no unisex disabled. After then if no disabled she does to ladies in her own.

MsSquiz · 29/10/2021 19:35

DH tries to take DD to places where it's individual toilets or the disabled toilets (more space if he has the pram as she's only 22 months)
But will take her into the men's toilets and go to a cubicle if he has to. He wouldn't even consider going into the ladies toilets as an adult male

hibye123 · 29/10/2021 19:43

@LoveGoldberg that's all completely understandable. I hardly use public toilets but have never really seen anything apart from women walking around and washing their hands lol. I can see and understand why women feel able to do these things as it's a safe space for women and aren't expecting for any men to be around.

I certainly do agree with the last paragraph and do feel it's on men to keep up the cleanliness and the standards of their toilets in order for it to be family friendly

Bunnycat101 · 29/10/2021 19:43

And no you don’t just get you husband to walk in the ladies toilets. He will need to do what ever other dad does and uses an accessible toilet, baby change or find a suitable place. There were times my husband changed mine in the boot of his car. He be horrified at the suggestion of walzing into the ladies loos.

Your attitude reminds me of a family in our swimming class. I had to complain because the dad kept walking into the female changing rooms because they were so special they needed both parents to change the baby in the female changing room. He made everyone else feel uncomfortable and the organisers told them to stop it and crack on like the rest of the group.

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 19:47

Its very strange how women hoard all the clean and safe for themselves and banish men to the dirty and unsafe. Why ladies? WHY?

Well, let's think, duh! Why is it that men's toilets are dirty and unsafe? It couldn't be because of...the men using them, could it?

Or do you think they design the men's to be rank and smelly and the women's to be clean and safe?

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 19:48

@PleasantBirthday. Sorry, missed your updated post Blush! You're spot on.

Hetyanni · 29/10/2021 19:54

Disabled - that's why there is a baby change table in there normally. When she is old enough to use the toilet, she goes in the men's with him.

Mjjbgfessrgb · 29/10/2021 19:55

@FireflyLon

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

And when your daughter is old enough to use the toilet alone, will you be happy with any male who shouts that he identifies as a woman and enters that space being in there with her and other girls? Is that ok?

Will males with nefarious intentions use this loophole to go into the women's toilets, as well as innocent males who just need to wee?

kierenthecommunity · 29/10/2021 20:24

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence

So if it’s the grimness of the room as opposed to actually worrying about a girl being in a mens toilet, presumably it’s ok for your H to traipse in the ladies with any future boy children?

Nat6999 · 29/10/2021 20:48

Use the disabled toilets, get a Radar key from Amazon.

Vix1977 · 29/10/2021 20:55

@Spunout

I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.
100%!!!!!

Men's toilets are completely different to the ladies.

Scotinoz · 29/10/2021 21:22

I have two daughters and a husband.

He took them into the cubicles in the mens, family cubicles (which are getting more plentiful), accessible cubicles etc when they were little. Across the three continents we lived, countless nappy changes etc I really don’t think he ever returned having failed to find a suitable nappy changing location/place for them to wee.

At 7 and 8, they’re now dispatched into the ladies and they seem to manage.

Honestly, I think the shitest loos are probably the ones at the beach, but the women’s are equally as bad. Most other places aren’t an issue - supermarket, shopping centre, museum, airport, play centre, restaurants, NT etc.

LadyLolaRuben · 29/10/2021 21:30

When I was young and out with my dad, he would wait until the mens loos were empty or if not possible ask men to hold back while he took me in the mens loo. Never had a problem

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/10/2021 21:34

I hate your attitude op. It’s not fair on women.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 21:44

@ThroughThickAndThin01

I hate your attitude op. It’s not fair on women.
I don’t think the OP gives a shiny shit about women.
Sn0tnose · 29/10/2021 21:44

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

I’m genuinely curious about how you’re intending to raise your son to respect women when you and your husband clearly haven’t mastered it yet.

I also think there’s something a bit wrong with you and your thread. I think it’s because you seem so incredibly keen to try to cause upset among women who can see past their own noses and understand the reasons for sex segregated spaces. You said you didn’t really know the right answer when your husband asked you what toilet to use but, actually, you clearly have very strong opinions about his entitlement to do whatever the fuck he likes, irrespective of how anyone else feels about it. I’m not going to suggest that your pants may be feeling rather warm about now, but I think you’re being very disengenuous about this whole issue.

GreenerGrass23 · 29/10/2021 21:53

My DH takes both our son and daughter to the toilet on a regular basis. Probably more than me. In 7 years it has never even occurred to me to ask him how he gets on. He just goes to the toilet and takes the kids with him. When they were babies most baby changing facilities were separate or in the general disabled toilet (I.e. not just in the women's toilets).

I can't even think of a time It has been an issue.

OP your DH will be just fine. He won't need to go into women's spaces.

partyplanner82 · 29/10/2021 22:00

Men's toilets are disgusting!

If I were a man, I'd rather change my baby on my lap or in the pram than take my child into the men's toilets.

And I would use the disabled toilet with a toddler as there is more room so less chance of child touching anything!

partyplanner82 · 29/10/2021 22:01

I wouldn't care if a man was in the ladies toilet with a baby or child by the way.

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