DH and his little girl - question

[FireflyLon]

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

@Muffinsandfruitcakes

**She's a girl and she belongs in the ladies

He’s a man so he belong in the mens**

He is not going in there to use it for himself is he. He is going in there to help her.

So when I help my 2 year old son go to the toilet I should be taking him in the mens toilets, because he’s using the facilities and not me?

@ThePoisonousMushroom

My husband and I split childcare equally, including shared parental leave, and not once has he ever commented on this

Exactly this. We have three children, the oldest is 8 and DH is a very hands on parent. He’s never even mentioned an issue around taking them to the toilet when about and about. He just takes them to the mens toilets 🤷🏻‍♀️.
The eldest can take herself now so she goes to the ladies while he waits outside.

This, it's just common sense.

He's a bloke, take her to the mens.

Every single poster on here who would have been taken by her father to the toilets would have gone into the mens.

If he doesn't want to take her to the mens surely he can take her to the disabled toilets. Why on earth would he think it's ok to use the women's?

baby change or disabled. Not ideal but I would not take her into the men's either.

Mums take their kids of either sex into the women's loo when they're little, dads take them to the mens (and use a cubicle obviously). You're accompanying them - at very young ages you'll be in the cubicle with them, a little older you can wait outside the cubicle, a little older still they can go to their correct sex toilets themselves and you wait outside.

Don't fuss about your 2 year old accidentally getting a flash from the urinals - unilkely in the first place, they don't care in the second place

when they're babies needing changing you hope or look for somewhere with a unisex changing room or make do.

The more important question, is why your dh is not using the four years he has until this becomes an issue to campaign for better family bathrooms in your town.

The difference is that in a women’s toilet, all the women are sitting behind closed doors doing their business behind a closed door in private. So even if a man were to stray in with a child, it wouldn’t hugely affect our privacy. In a men’s toilet as far as I understand with my limited experience (!), the main space is for men to stand around with their penis out. There are a few cubicles but much less than in a women’s loo. This is surely why men don’t have long queues. So whilst I can understand that if women expect toilets to be a female only space, they should not have to be surprised by a male in there and I suppose also to guard against weird male behaviour from some men if all men were simply allowed in, I agree with the op that it is not as simple as suggested. I personally don’t find the idea of a man being in the women’s toilet with his child a problem at all. Whereas, I do feel a bit weird about a young girl having to walk past lots of men with their penis in hand, to get to the toilet cubicle. No doubt a young child wouldn’t be as bothered about it as I am, and would get used to it. But op is not unreasonable to question this.

@LorenzoVonMatterhorn

The more important question, is why your dh is not using the four years he has until this becomes an issue to campaign for better family bathrooms in your town.

MIC DROP!!!!!

If you mean when she’s in nappies and needs changing, surely all baby changing facilities are now unisex?

I’ve been in places that aren’t, mainly small restaurants where the toilets are tiny and there’s barely room for the changing table in the women’s, DH has said there isn’t one in the men’s. To be honest in that situation I’d be fine with a man using the women’s to use the changing table, if the only alternative was the floor of the men’s. But those places are rare and also not somewhere someone would take a baby by themselves, so I imagine it’s not a common issue.

Accessible or baby change if available.

If not, the mens. Always. If you/he are uncomfortable with him walking past the urinals with your little girl, then knock and check they arent in use before going in.

I would report (to whatever premises I happened to be in) a man entering the communal ladies toilets if I were using them. Its not appropriate, even with a small child.

I do think an exception can be made when the ladies toilet is an individual self contained cubicle with no shared facilities. I'm not sure how it could matter in that case.

Places are a lot better nowadays by having a separate baby changing/disabled facility (baby changing/family and disabled should be separate but not seen many places that do) so he could take her in there although there are still quite a few places that only have baby changing facilities in the ladies which is just silly 🙃 other than that, as long as the men’s has cubicles he should take her in there, though don’t know how sanitary that would be, it is a very good question though. He defo shouldn’t be going in women’s.

@Spunout

I wouldn't want my young dd exposed to men using urinals either.

Why? Is their Dad going to dangle them over the top/side of the urinal so she gets a good view of their penis? If not it isn’t any different to seeing a man stood at a sink.

I'd advise him to take her to the women's. There aren't penises hanging out in women's toilets as they're all cubicles.

Wow. Maybe you haven't had bad experiences with men but I imagine a lot of us here have. That is why I wouldn't want one in the same public toilets as me.

@Lady1576
Thanks for your comment you clearly put it more eloquently than I did. Yes that is one of the issue there is more privacy in the ladies.

I can see my poor DH will have a lot to deal with 😅 but that's OK he can really hold his own.

In if needed he will shout that he identified himself as a woman !!

This is why I used to love the parent and baby room in Lewis's in Glasgow. Either one of us could change a nappy or take a child to the toilet.

I was at a National Trust last weekend and a man asked if I'd take his daughter into the ladies... he said she didn't need help using the toilet, but she didn't want to go into the mens. She was maybe two? There were no communal toilets - mens or womens. It was a bit awkward.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and don't know what we're having; but if it's a girl, DH will take her to the mens with him in places like that. Otherwise he'll use the baby changing, if there's a separate one. He wouldn't feel comfortable going into the women's, and potentially making others in there uncomfortable. I also wouldn't use the mens, if we have a boy - I'd take him into a cubicle in the ladies.

Toilets are sex segregated for a reason - why does that suddenly become irrelevant because it's your DH and he has his daughter in tow?

Parent and baby rooms are so much better. Seek those out op and use them.

As your your brave dh holding his own against women who don't want him listening in while they change their tampons and then shouting that he identifies as a woman . You must be awfully proud. What an absolute gentleman you have there.

Disabled or baby change. I've never seen a man changing a baby in women's toilets there are facilities everywhere. If you get caught with nowhere to go change them in the pram 😁

[quote FireflyLon]@sexnotgender if we had a son this question wouldn't be a problem he would go to the men's. So if he has a girl to the women's.
I also think there are some cultural differences. When I was a child and my dad took me to swimming lessons we would go in the ladies changing room (this was in Switzerland)

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

I respect all your views I just struggle to see an issue with a man entering a women's toilet with his daughter.[/quote]
How is him taking his child into the men's room making life difficult?

Even with a 2/3/4/5 etc year old, he cannot use the ladies toilets. If he does, women may feel uncomfortable. And just because you wouldn't mind, doesn't mean other won't.

There aren't penises hanging out in women's toilets as they're all cubicles.

Are you suggesting that girls and women need to be segregated from penises? Why is this?

My point is if we want men to be more involved in raising children why don't we make it easier for them?

No idea. But you and your DH could start locally by asking the places he would usually go to to provide baby changing spaces, either separately orr in both men and womens loos.

But he doesn't go into the women's loos. He isn't woman and a baby goes where the parent /carer goes!

I wouldn’t be bothered about a man using the women’s if that’s where the baby changing space is. Why would I? There are cubicles for women’s privacy. Completely different story if he was planning on using the toilet himself.

@Stargazerjar

I wouldn’t be bothered about a man using the women’s if that’s where the baby changing space is. Why would I? There are cubicles for women’s privacy. Completely different story if he was planning on using the toilet himself.

Oh, all the usual reasons!

Your DH should take your DD to the men's toilet.
Men should not be using women's toilets regardless.
However, you will find that very few men's toilets have adequate changing facilities and they tend to be pretty disgusting BUT that's something to either campaign about or just accept.