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Original poster

DH and his little girl - question

370 replies

FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 13:54

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
PetriDisher · 29/10/2021 16:53

Blossomtoes To be completely frank, your not seeing the issue can only mean that you have either not read the reasons for the issue in the rest of this thread or that, because "Blossomtoes is alright, Jack", the difficulties, discomfort, inconvenience and safety it causes other women counts for nothing to you.

Even if you disagree that women's difficulties (practical and emotional) with men in single-sex toilets should outweigh the issues faced by a father of a young daughter needing to be changed or use the loo, I don't accept that you "can't see" any issues at all militating against that approach after reading this thread.

mbosnz · 29/10/2021 16:54

I must say it starts to sound as if OP and her DH are somewhat gagging for him to bring the fight for men's rights (of which, they have so few, poor oppressed souls) to the women's toilets.

Blossomtoes · 29/10/2021 17:04

I don’t give a stuff what you accept @PetriDisher. We disagree. Get over it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SickAndTiredAgain · 29/10/2021 17:05

Oh and he also buys me Tampons

And..? I don’t understand why this is relevant or noteworthy.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 29/10/2021 17:06

@FireflyLon

This is really interesting. I too wouldn't have an issue a man knocking and enter with a baby. Also we are sharing parental leave so he will have to do that many times. But I was also thinking when she's older let's say 4 or 5, does he still take her to the men's? I rather not
Yes he does and stands outside the cubicle whist she pees etc. Many shopping centres have family loos now so fingers crossed. He can't go in the women's loos.
Original poster
FireflyLon · 29/10/2021 17:08

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

OP posts:
Tumtitumtum · 29/10/2021 17:09

Identifying as a woman to gain access?

It’s an ongoing problem, no he can’t use the women’s, my ex used the accessible toilets until they were old enough to go on their own. Not ideal and why there should be family options where available.

PineappleSituation · 29/10/2021 17:10

Someone upthread asked this question but I haven't yet seen it answered:

OP (and anyone else who thinks that a father shouldn't take his daughter into the men's toilets), what do you think should happen if the father himself needs to use the toilet when he's out with his daughter?

Tumtitumtum · 29/10/2021 17:10

You sound like a charmer don’t you? I’m now thinking you lack both a husband and a daughter…

IDontThinkSoNo · 29/10/2021 17:11

Oh op, you really haven’t done yourself any favours on this thread. Why bother asking the question if you were going to do what you want anyway “whether we like it or not”
You sound delightful

ThePoisonousMushroom · 29/10/2021 17:11

@FireflyLon

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

Ah, you’ve shown your true colours now OP. ‘So what if you feel uncomfortable having an adult male in your female space, you’ll just have to suck it up because I say so’. Nice.
FazedNotPhased · 29/10/2021 17:12

There's no way this is real. No one is this much of a twat without being a goady one.

mbosnz · 29/10/2021 17:14

@FireflyLon

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

LOL. Reckon I was right then.
PineappleSituation · 29/10/2021 17:14

No doubt when the DD hits the age where she's old enough to use a toilet unaided, the DH will be complaining that it's unsafe to send her in to the women's toilets alone because of all the other men who have followed his example and are now in there.

21stDentistryGirl · 29/10/2021 17:15

What man would feel comfortable going in the women’s toilet? Even asking permission is problematic - the facilities are split so that no-one has to ask of discuss and woman can be confident it’s a private space. My husband would never. Having said that (and with 3 girls) it ridiculous there aren’t more men’s toilets with changing facilities.

mbosnz · 29/10/2021 17:17

What man would feel comfortable going in the women’s toilet?

This man apparently cannot wait to breach these hallowed walls. . .

21stDentistryGirl · 29/10/2021 17:17

“Different gender toilets”.

What are they? Cubicle in a mini skirt?

I think you’re referring to toilets designated according to sex.

21stDentistryGirl · 29/10/2021 17:19

“Whether you like it or not” feels very divisive OP. Almost like you might not be the future mother you proclaim…

SausageSizzle · 29/10/2021 17:20

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.

By 'uncomfortable', you need to include 'retraumatized' and 'violated'. Because there will be women using those bathrooms who are victims of sexual abuse or for whom it is religiously unacceptable to share private spaces with adult men.

But he's happy to make some women feel this way?

Why can't he change the baby in the pram if there are no shared facilities? Or stick to places which have unisex facilities if he feels so strongly about it?

If men's bathrooms are too filthy for small children, men need to do something about this. Even if it means arming themselves with antiseptic wipes and spray and cleaning toilet seats themselves.

SkepticalCat · 29/10/2021 17:23

@Lady1576

The difference is that in a women’s toilet, all the women are sitting behind closed doors doing their business behind a closed door in private. So even if a man were to stray in with a child, it wouldn’t hugely affect our privacy. In a men’s toilet as far as I understand with my limited experience (!), the main space is for men to stand around with their penis out. There are a few cubicles but much less than in a women’s loo. This is surely why men don’t have long queues. So whilst I can understand that if women expect toilets to be a female only space, they should not have to be surprised by a male in there and I suppose also to guard against weird male behaviour from some men if all men were simply allowed in, I agree with the op that it is not as simple as suggested. I personally don’t find the idea of a man being in the women’s toilet with his child a problem at all. Whereas, I do feel a bit weird about a young girl having to walk past lots of men with their penis in hand, to get to the toilet cubicle. No doubt a young child wouldn’t be as bothered about it as I am, and would get used to it. But op is not unreasonable to question this.
I haven't finished reading this thread, but I agree with this post, especially "I personally don't find the idea of a man being in the women's toilet with his child a problem at all. Whereas, I do feel a bit weird about a young girl having to walk past lots of men with their penis in hand, to get to the toilet cubicle."

If women have a legal right to same sex spaces, why shouldn't a three-, four-, or five-year-old girl be afforded the same right whilst using the toilet? (And, yes, I know that with her father being there, it isn't a same-sex space, but it is her father, not male strangers).

mbosnz · 29/10/2021 17:24

If men's bathrooms are too filthy for small children, men need to do something about this. Even if it means arming themselves with antiseptic wipes and spray and cleaning toilet seats themselves.

What?! A Proud Possessor of a Penis, clean up a toilet HIMSELF?!

Okay, he's prepared to buy the lady some tampons, but crikey, that's a step too far!

PurpleOkapi · 29/10/2021 17:30

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.

So why is it ok for him to be relegated to the "dirty men's bathroom" when he's not with a child? Wait, let me guess: you don't think that's ok, either, right?

PurpleOkapi · 29/10/2021 17:31

Also, I wouldn't change a child on a table, counter, floor, or toilet lid of a women's bathroom without either wiping it down first or using some kind of cover. If you were planning on skipping that step in the women's, I strongly advise against it.

21stDentistryGirl · 29/10/2021 17:32

“He also buys me tampons”

Roughly translates as, “I discovered I don’t have to be ashamed of my vagina in the last year and I’m still processing.”

PurpleOkapi · 29/10/2021 17:33

If women have a legal right to same sex spaces, why shouldn't a three-, four-, or five-year-old girl be afforded the same right whilst using the toilet? (And, yes, I know that with her father being there, it isn't a same-sex space, but it is her father, not male strangers).

No one's legally stopping a three-year-old from going into the women's room. She certainly can if she wants, and if her parents are comfortable with that. The issue is her father going with her. If they want her in a female-only space, then they need to figure out a way of making that happen without simultaneously making it no longer a female-only space.