DH and his little girl - question

[FireflyLon]

So my DH asked me a question today and I really didn't know what the right answer is. We are expecting a little girl 🥰 and he asked me when he has to take her to a public toilet will he take her to the men's or women's. I said women but I was thinking I've actually never seen that. What are your thoughts?

For the most part he should just use disabled toilets. If there's no choice it would be the men's, not the women's. I've seen lots of men walking out of disabled toilets with a baby or young girl. Then again, with a baby both sexes seem to use disabled toilets and I don't think it's misusing them. Even in the female toilets it's rare to have a cubicle big enough for a pram and being a mum shouldn't bar you from privacy in public places.

It's always a very interesting discussion.

Woman take baby boys into the ladies so men should be able to take girls. However there is obviously a lot of difference in that even though there shouldn't be.

I think the rides at changing though as my local shopping centre now has accessible toilets in all areas which can be used by parents and also have BF areas for those who wish to do it in private.

These are separate from the disabled toilets although disabled users can use them as well.

Not in the ladies ffs! Go in the mens cubicle ! Or the family room

@FireflyLon

We have decided after all these comments that if there are no shared facilities for changing the baby and the facilities are in the ladies he will go in and announce himself where you like it or not.

NO way will he change the child in a dirty men's bathroom only because someone might feel uncomfortable with his presence.
It's also not illegal to use different gender toilets so afraid you ll have to get used to it!!!

As I said he'd be out on his ear here, or wouldn't get through the door.

The arrogance of you two is spectacular. Funny as well.

I don’t have to get used to your entitled, arrogant, creepy, pervert, point scoring husband. Nor you.

I feel sorry for your daughter.

Your daughter will grow up thinking that every time her dad takes her to the toilet women shout at him and shove him out of the door. That will be her norm. As if women are going to 'get used to it' just because you have had a child. 🙄

Imagine being married to someone who while you are pregnant is talking about going in ladies toilets. 😂

Wow. You have a pfb and suddenly your husband is entitled to announce himself and use a single sex space. Yet another entitled man, sadly being encouraged by his hapless wife

What a pair of

This. Disgraceful

The difference is that in a women’s toilet, all the women are sitting behind closed doors doing their business behind a closed door in private. So even if a man were to stray in with a child, it wouldn’t hugely affect our privacy. In a men’s toilet as far as I understand with my limited experience (!), the main space is for men to stand around with their penis out. There are a few cubicles but much less than in a women’s loo. This is surely why men don’t have long queues. So whilst I can understand that if women expect toilets to be a female only space, they should not have to be surprised by a male in there and I suppose also to guard against weird male behaviour from some men if all men were simply allowed in, I agree with the op that it is not as simple as suggested. I personally don’t find the idea of a man being in the women’s toilet with his child a problem at all. Whereas, I do feel a bit weird about a young girl having to walk past lots of men with their penis in hand, to get to the toilet cubicle. No doubt a young child wouldn’t be as bothered about it as I am, and would get used to it. But op is not unreasonable to question this

I agree 100% with this^
DP and I both have a DD only 5 months old. If I need to change her outside I'll use a baby changing facility. However if DD was only with her dad and needed the toilet once a bit older then I'd definitely expect him to take her into the Women's toilets.

He'd definitely knock to announce his presence but DD wouldn't be old enough to put the toilet paper down on the seat to avoid sitting directly on a public toilet (she may not even be old enough to wipe herself too.) DP would have to be the one to this and I wouldn't be okay with him asking a random stranger to do this for DD (just because they're a woman doesn't mean they're trustworthy.)

However I do think going into the Ladies is a last resort so would expect him to try a family room/disabled toilet and if neither are available then the Women's toilets.
Men's toilets seem horrific and not every man is inside of a cubicle. DD would also be too young to go in by herself hence the reason for him not going into the Men's.
I personally see nothing wrong with OP's update either

@Bambooshoot

Quite frankly, if before my child had even been born, my partner was thinking about how best to force his way into women’s toilets, as though the baby was somehow a golden ticket and let’s ignore the actual women’s feelings about his presence - well, I’d be seriously wondering who I’d partnered up with and why they were so ready to dismiss women’s privacy to suit themselves. But I can see that is not a question that is easy to face.

Absolutely.

Your utter wankery is unbelievable.
I will not get used to it, women have a right to this same sex space. I and many others will not let him through the door.

Your daughter will grow up thinking that every time her dad takes her to the toilet women shout at him and shove him out of the door. That will be her norm.

However if this was the case when DP takes DD into a Women's toilet then we'd definitely have to reconsider our choice. If any woman was to vocally state that they were uncomfortable with a man in the Women's toilets then he probably wouldn't do it again!

It’s not just women that would object. OP may want to force the issue, but she and he should be mindful of the fact that not only may he end up in altercations with women in front of their daughter, but oftentimes other men wouldn’t be particularly happy to see a man entering a woman’s restroom, and wouldn’t hesitate to demonstrate their displeasure.

Yes, I think if DH watched a man enter the same toilets my 8 year old daughter was in he’d have something to say about it.

He takes her into the gents.

Just as mums take their sons into the ladies.

If any woman was to vocally state that they were uncomfortable with a man in the Women's toilets then he probably wouldn't do it again!

I’m stating now that I am uncomfortable with it. I would be too intimidated to in person because he would already present as someone with questionable boundaries.

I see you’ve made up your mind.

But you’re acting as if this is some unsolvable dilemma, and you’re the only family to have encountered this thorny issue, ever, which is kind of sweet.

The situation arises rarely, so it’s not worth getting too het up about. But luckily there’s a simple solution.

Men take daughters into the men’s, until they’re old enough to go into the women’s on their own.

Women take sons into the women’s until they’re old enough to go into the men’s on their own.

Then there is the small sub-set of people who don’t ‘get’ how things have worked since time immemorial, who do their own thing, and are silently resented by the people they’re imposing upon.

‘‘Twas ever thus.

I will say it again...If men are out on their own with their daughters and they are worried about the state of men's public toilets, they need to take some disinfectant spray and wipes with them to clean the seat. That's an easy solution that doesn't infringe upon women's private spaces.

And it's something that many women do already as women's toilets aren't always clean (in large part due to the number of children who use them).

But you’re acting as if this is some unsolvable dilemma, and you’re the only family to have encountered this thorny issue, ever, which is kind of sweet

That’s what I thought… as though all those men out there with daughters have never thought about this before 🤷🏻‍♀️.

@LoveGoldberg

If any woman was to vocally state that they were uncomfortable with a man in the Women's toilets then he probably wouldn't do it again!

I’m stating now that I am uncomfortable with it. I would be too intimidated to in person because he would already present as someone with questionable boundaries.

You may have commented this up thread and I may have missed it but can I ask what you'd find uncomfortable about a man with his small daughter in the Women's toilets? Other than it being against the norm of course

Here we go again with the silly argument that accessible toilets should be vacant at all times for people who can't wait. Disabled toilets were not created for people who need to get to the toilet quickly, they were created for people who can't access normal toilets. Some places only have an accessible toilet for everyone to share.

There may be times when common sense means that a non-disabled person will quite reasonably use a disabled toilet. However, most places only have one single disabled toilet. Whilst you may say that they can queue just like everybody else has to, it's hardly fair when there's only one they can use, whilst other people can use numerous ones.

If you were at a large, busy event, where the ladies' toilets had 12 cubicles, would you be happy to have to queue with all the other women there - with the understanding that they could use any of the 12 as they became available, but you were only allowed to use the first one, all the while watching numerous people behind you in the queue using cubicles 2-12, as well as those ahead of you freely using number 1, when they could use any of the others?

Maybe unfair sex-separated toilet provision is a whole load of moaning about nothing too: perhaps it doesn't matter if a long queue of women are having to each wait 20 minutes when the men are straight in and out in half a minute.... because there are toilets suitable for women to use, so what's the fuss, eh?

I think if DH saw a man go into the ladies after DDs (preteen age) he would react strongly. Because he has to take the leap of faith there is no one in there that shouldn't.

The only place is found it wasn't suitable to take them into the mens was the Rugby/football ground, but on those occasions a friends wife took them into the ladies.

what you'd find uncomfortable about a man with his small daughter in the Women's toilets? Other than it being against the norm of course

When I had a pram I would have to leave the cubicle door open so I could see my child, I would do this knowing that it was only women in the toilet. I now allow my child and step daughters to go to the toilet in without an adult as they are wanting more independence, they know women’s toilets as a ladies only place, it would scare them to come out of a cubicle and find a man.

I would also be concerned about sexual assault, I don’t know the man or his daughter, if he has a small child in a pram it could be just used as a cover.

I also have Muslim friends that have removed their hijab (sorry if wrong term) to adjust it and they certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, they have the right to consent to who sees them and they are choosing a women only space.

Recently my friend chose to breast feed in the ladies toilets because she was struggling to get her newborn to latch and she felt more comfortable removing her top to try different positions.

The issue should be that men’s spaces need to be as family friendly as women’s, not that women need to shut up and put up. There is a reason women are scared of men and why these spaces have been created.

Its very strange how women hoard all the clean and safe for themselves and banish men to the dirty and unsafe. Why ladies? WHY?

@PleasantBirthday

Its very strange how women hoard all the clean and safe for themselves and banish men to the dirty and unsafe. Why ladies? WHY?

Is this a joke? . Whose fault is it that the mens toilets are ‘dirty and unsafe’?

Yeah, that was exactly my point - the ladies is clean and safe because women are. Men can choose that too which would eliminate all these problems.