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Original poster

What the fuck do I do? Life fallen apart overnight

585 replies

Darkestdays · 24/09/2021 22:39

I'm a mum to a 2 year old and I'm pregnant with my second. I work 15 hours per week and don't earn much. DH has been a high earner for past 6 years. We've just taken out a big mortgage 8 months ago.

He's been a grumpy bastard for the past 3 weeks, we've argued loads and tonight I lost it and said I can't deal with how argumentative he's being when I'm exhausted with pregnancy sick with HG, looking after toddler and working PT and wtf is wrong with him. He burst into tears, I've never seen him cry before, and admits he's lost his job.

It was a career in a cut throat industry and they simply decided he wasn't doing well enough and he was gone. He had a formal disciplinary a week ago. I'm furious he didn't tell me so we could of tried to find him a union rep but he's done it all alone for fear of disappointing me.

He's upset that I'm not supporting him since it all came out tonight but I'm just in bits. How are we supposed to cope without his salary? He earns £65k and I earn £7k! I can't afford our council tax bill on top of nursery fees let alone the mortgage. We can't sell within the first year can we, aren't we going to be in negative equity and end up in debt for years? I feel like my life has just fallen apart

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/09/2021 20:03

You don’t get given a disciplinary and fired immediately for poor performance

Do you even have a job?

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:08

Course I have a fucking job I just said I earned 20k a year didnt I. Just because he told her he was fired doesnt mean that's the full story he could let it all out bit by bit. Stop being so hung up on him getting fired for gross misconduct. Jeez

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:09

Good swerve on ignoring what advice you would have given if the high earner was her though....

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2021 20:11

@tootiredtospeak

Course I have a fucking job I just said I earned 20k a year didnt I. Just because he told her he was fired doesnt mean that's the full story he could let it all out bit by bit. Stop being so hung up on him getting fired for gross misconduct. Jeez
Then you will know full well this man could have been fired for anything, from sexually harassing a colleague on. And you’re on here giving it that poor poor man. The point is it seems he’s lying snd before anyone decides he’s a poor poor man who needs the unwell and heavily pregant ops support we should all be advising her to find out what exactly was the reason he lost his job.
tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:14

So now he has been sexually abusing someone. Seriously that's your first go too. Weird but maybe where you work that happens a lot. In my 22 years in the banking sector not many people who do
get fired for gross misconduct have been due to this. This is weird again if this was a woman that this happened too would this have been your first thought.

Theworldishard · 25/09/2021 20:15

OP you are not being very supportive to your husband. You must have agreed to this huge mortgage, etc? While earning £7k. Stop blaming him and look at the demands this poor man has on him.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2021 20:17

@tootiredtospeak

So now he has been sexually abusing someone. Seriously that's your first go too. Weird but maybe where you work that happens a lot. In my 22 years in the banking sector not many people who do get fired for gross misconduct have been due to this. This is weird again if this was a woman that this happened too would this have been your first thought.
Oh cmon. 😂😂😂😂

The point I clearly made is you don’t know what he’s done that caused him to be fired.

Rhubarbsoup · 25/09/2021 20:17

@Theworldishard

OP you are not being very supportive to your husband. You must have agreed to this huge mortgage, etc? While earning £7k. Stop blaming him and look at the demands this poor man has on him.
I mean OP has said he was the one keen on the flashy car and stretching the mortgage, and looks after their child whilst working part time too and suffering with HG. The poor poor man getting fired and concealing it from his wife.
Rhubarbsoup · 25/09/2021 20:19

I do find it weird how some are bending over backwards to try and highlight how he might have been let go for reasons beyond his control. Of course that might be true, but it isn't the most likely scenario, I'm sure if he was suffering from a major injustice he would have spoken about it.

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:19

Oh man did you really say poor man... was that sarcasm. I dont want to get in a bun fight. I am not a man loving enablist. I just dont get anyone that advises someone to get angry at this situation it needs calm and considered and yes some compassion otherwise why be together at all.

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:21

Your right Bluntness WE dont know why he was fired do we. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2021 20:23

@Rhubarbsoup

I do find it weird how some are bending over backwards to try and highlight how he might have been let go for reasons beyond his control. Of course that might be true, but it isn't the most likely scenario, I'm sure if he was suffering from a major injustice he would have spoken about it.
In my experience when you’re taken to disciplinary and then fired with immediate effect it is generally for reasons well within your control.
Derbee · 25/09/2021 20:30

@tootiredtospeak I think calling being a SAHP “pointless” is very rude and unnecessary. If someone told you it was pointless going out to work everyday for only £20k, you’d think it was rude.

The poor OP, she must be totally regretting this bloody thread.

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:33

Point taken... like how you changed it to SAHP not SAHM which was not what the poster said. Look I have worked in finance all my life and seen way to many people struggle mainly because they were a SAHP and things didnt work out. I think it's a bad idea that's my opinion and you disagree that's fair enough. This OP is not a SAHP.

Derbee · 25/09/2021 20:40

You can think it’s a bad idea, but to call someone’s choice pointless is rude. I’m aware that the OP is not a SAHP, but I still think it’s rude for you to call a large group of the population pointless.

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:44

I don't think their existence is pointless. I think the fact they put themselves at financial risk for what I believe is little benefit pointless. I believe its beneficial to see both parents working contributing and financially gives better security as individuals. Why are we getting into this?

Derbee · 25/09/2021 20:50

Because you’ve been rude and I’ve pointed it out. It doesn’t need to go on and on.

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 20:57

Stop answering then 🤔 we can agree to disagree.

Derbee · 25/09/2021 21:16

Ah, as long as you have the last word eh

Lady08 · 25/09/2021 22:32

@tootiredtospeak - Don’t be so rude about SAHP’s, off course it’s little financial benefit for the mother/father but you’re forgetting who it really is benefiting, the child! It’s also not beneficial financially to put your child in nursery, due to the high costs.
You sound like the sort of person who thinks women should have children and rush off straight to work, how ignorant!

tootiredtospeak · 25/09/2021 22:45

Jesus its not the point of the thread ....have a read of the one where the women thinks her DH has fathered another child.I just dont think anyone should be financially dependent on another person and unfortunately if you dont work you are.

Lady08 · 26/09/2021 00:20

@tootiredtospeak - If it’s not the point of the thread, why mention it in the first place?
Don’t use a thread to have a dig at parents who choose to stay at home and raise their children, I know women who gave up their jobs to be a SAHM on the arrival of their second child because childcare fees were more than their earnings, it’s a case of sacrificing a few years, not your entire lifetime.

worriedatthemoment · 26/09/2021 00:35

@tootiredtospeak i dont see my few years at home as pointless, I see it as a great time in my life where i got to spend quality time with the ones I love most and my kids benefited in lots of ways , maybe out car wasn't as good as he neighbours and our holidays not abroad , but don't think my little ones cared , and whilst financially we had less than some as a family we made a choice which was best for us , as I am sure the op has done also in what was their previous circumstances.
I felt lucky and privileged to be able to stay home for a few years
Anyway I know 2 working parent families where both lost jobs in quick succession, that hit them hard, we never know what life will throw at us and cannot plan for every eventuality .

worriedatthemoment · 26/09/2021 00:44

@Bluntness100 you can do if its already been pulled up and may of had written or verbal already

tootiredtospeak · 26/09/2021 07:41

Lady08 I didnt bring it up in the first place. My comment was to the poster who said....more tedious SAHM bashing it's been the theme of the thread. I said I thought it was risky and pointless but as that's not what the OP is stop derailing the thread which is then what you have all done 🙄

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