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Why do you drink? Or why do you not drink?

198 replies

Autumnleavesfalling · 15/09/2021 22:30

Been thinking about this tonight.

I drink too much. The thought of not doing so and letting go of that instant relax worries me.

I don't quite understand why I have chosen this as my coping mechanism. What do other people do at the end of a long day, working, kids all the household stuff etc for that instant 'and breathe ' feeling?

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 16/09/2021 09:54

Or, if life is being particularly stressful, I just am stressed. You can't always escape unpleasant emotions. It's part of living

Nyz9213 · 16/09/2021 10:06

I drink but not every day. I only drink because I enjoy the taste, not as a coping mechanism. I tend towards tv or reading for that.

sofakingcool · 16/09/2021 10:27

@NutellaEllaElla

I don't drink because I hate the taste. To relax, I walk or cook/bake or sew or just hang out in front of the TV with DH. I don't understand why people need alcohol to relax.
I don't either, but it's easy for me to say as I have no interest in drinking

I always worry a bit if anyone close to me says they need a drink after a hectic day etc, worry that they could become reliant on it. Again though, I don't really have a clue!

coodawoodashooda · 16/09/2021 10:31

I do phases of both. I have times where im genuinely repelled by the thought of drink. Other times i enjoy the, 'moment' it brings.

MatildaIThink · 16/09/2021 10:33

@Stellaris22

These threads are a bit odd, anything more than one sip of alcohol means you should be worried about being reliant on alcohol.

It's fine to say you don't like the taste, but everyone has different tastes. Personally I love a glass of really good quality wine, I can't afford the good stuff (and I'm dieting) so choose not to drink.

The guilt is being laid on thick here. A glass of wine IS relaxing and people shouldn't be shamed for it.

Enjoying a drink (or several) is absolutely fine, feeling compelled to drink and being worried about not being able to drink indicates issues, either with alcohol itself, or it being used as self-medication for something else.
Thoughtcontagion · 16/09/2021 10:34

I am on medication and can’t have alcohol with it so have no choice

I go for a run, cycle or walk and listen to podcast or music, nice shower when I get back and make sure I do facemasks etc

EmmaStone · 16/09/2021 10:55

I don't drink very much - it tends to be social drinking. I don't get a sense of release from drinking either, so I'm not sure why I'm responding lol!

I feel like I'm constantly on the go, as I'm sure many of us do, but getting on the sofa when the day's pretty much done is my 'AHHHH' moment, and getting lost in whatever is on the telly, or whatever I'm scrolling on the iPad.

I also try and exercise daily (although this won't necessarily be in the evening), but the main reason I don't drink much is because it disturbs my sleep, I get heart palpitations and I often (but not always) will get an allergic stuffy nose even after 1 glass of wine. It's a pretty good deterrent TBH.

Ajl46 · 16/09/2021 11:01

@Spiindoctor

I think it's worth working out why you drink. 'I like the taste' or 'It relaxes me' don't really hold water because loads of things taste nice and we know that once the alcohol wears off you aren't so relaxed.

A glass of wine lifts my mood, I feel happy and successful, my mind slows down and often comes up with ideas for improving my life, things to do.
And when I was younger it gave me confidence and made me outgoing.

However that's the first glass or two. Now I'm older it also makes me sleepy and less outgoing. And the first glass or two is never enough, I try to get back to the initial lift by drinking more but it doesn't happen.
Then I waste an evening because I'm not able to concentrate well enough to do anything but watch (and fall asleep in front of) tv.

It's addictive - but I find that planning something to do in the evening- sewing, reading gives me a reason not to drink.
Also we tell ourselves we aren't alcoholics so drinking doesn't matter but along with obesity and lack of exercise it can increase your risk of breast cancer. Stats are 1:8 women develop breast cancer.

I don't agree with your point about taste - I'm not a big drinker but I do sometimes have wine with dinner because I haven't found any other drink that compliments food so well. For me, a glass of nice red wine goes far better with steak & chips than a Diet Coke. Ditto chilled glass of white with a tuna salad.
SingingSands · 16/09/2021 11:52

I don't drink much any more. Used to, socially, then found myself drinking at home more. Then I started running. If I want to wind down I'll go for a run or a walk. I'm lucky to live near some beautiful woods and a river, but even just a walk around the block if I'm feeling wound up does the trick. Being outside and getting fresh air in my lungs is my coping strategy if I've had a bad day.

Themadcatparade · 16/09/2021 11:53

Me and my partner starting drinking whisky during lockdown. One shot here and there started turning in to a very expensive habit, if it was in the house, it would be supped.

We got a new bottle every weekend and we noticed there was some panic when we were running low. My partner never used to drink before we started settling together, I usually offered him a glass of wine with tea or on an evening if we were watching a film in the dating days and 90% of the time he’d say no. I partly feel responsibly for it!

I’m better now I’m trying, I am refusing more and more and I haven’t been well this month so it’s been easier to pass a drink up all week and I am proud of that. My partner is still struggling with this ‘need’ though

I have had constant eye bags, my skin has been looking very dull and grey and my hair isn’t great either, I also put on a lot of weight. But now I’m starting to feel brighter and healthier and I’m losing weight so it’s a big motivator for my health. It’s very difficult once you get in to the habit, I make a hot water bottle, put a nice candle on and I’ve started doing myself a cup of herbal tea or a decaf coffee if I’m struggling at night now. I’ve had soda with fresh fruit too for a treat occasionally but most recently I’ve been drinking water with my tea! You’ll get there OP but you need to make the first steps to untangle yourself

bearlyactive · 16/09/2021 12:14

On the very rare occasions I do drink, it's because I'm in a social situation. Even then, it's only the one can of cider etc. I don't like the thought of spending money on something that's only going to affect me negatively... although I spend money on chocolate etc similarly so I'm not sure where the logic is there. On that note, chocolate is how I unwind! Probably need to break that habit too before I balloon...

NatashaRf · 16/09/2021 12:21

I rarely drink for a few reasons:

I don't like feeling rough the next day.

It's a waste of calories/sugar.

It's expensive.

I'd rather be the driver (if drinking out) so I can leave when suits me.

It's bad for my skin/stomach.

There aren't many alcoholic drinks I think are that tasty. Would much rather have a nice coffee or a Coke Zero.

WinterH · 16/09/2021 12:26

This reply has been deleted

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merryhouse · 16/09/2021 12:33

I drink because I like the taste.

To switch off at the end of the day - well, I don't need it now but in the days I was working I would have some coffee and put music on.

I think there is a definite feeling that the first sip of your pint is almost a formal acknowledgement that responsibility has eased for now. Like getting into a bath, or sitting down with your puzzle book, or putting on music or the telly.

I think whatever you decide to do instead needs to be something you can transfer that ceremonial meaning to.

Nosilayak · 16/09/2021 12:42

I stopped drinking alcohol over 3 weeks ago and I can't believe how easy it has been to give up. I wish I'd done it years ago. I know I'm still in the early days of being alcohol free but I feel totally different. I've lost weight, I'm not as puffy in the face and I've saved a few quid in the process. I always cracked open a bottle of wine to get that relaxed feeling or to mark the weekend. I now plan something nice to eat and watch a film on Netflix or Prime and I find that relaxes me.

goinggently · 16/09/2021 12:51

Plain tonic over ice with a twist of lemon can be quite a good way to trick yourself because it still feels grown up and not really something you'd have during the day.

When I went off booze I found a cup of tea wouldn't really cut it because id been drinking that all day anyway...

daisyjgrey · 16/09/2021 12:54

I don't drink day to day. Maybe if I go out for a meal and I'm not driving. I last had a drink about three weeks ago I think.

When I do drink it's because I fancy it and it's something I like the taste of, it's not ever really so I'm drunk/squiffy.

Day to day I just drink water mainly. Iced coffee if I need the caffeine.

I don't think tea is a drink, more a lubricant for biscuits...

TheHouseIsOnFire · 16/09/2021 13:01

I don’t drink (well, maybe 2-3 times a year) because I don’t usually like the taste of alcohol. XH used to come in from work and reach straight for a cold beer, down it and have a second straight away. When he realised it was becoming a habit he switched to fizzy water as a lot of it was about the refreshing drink as much as the alcohol.

For me, I don’t like the taste of most wine - I can tolerate a dry white occasionally - or beer usually (sometimes with a good pizza or something then a beer works well). I occasionally try spirits but I’d honestly rather have good freshly squeezed orange juice without any vodka or anything in it. Or proper full sugar coke without making it all bitter and burn-y with rum in it. I just don’t enjoy the flavours of most alcoholic drinks. I’ve tried a few of those cocktail cans but they’re mostly not very tasty either!

When I was younger I drank because I liked the buzz and the confidence I got from it. I can’t imagine dancing or singing karaoke without having a few drinks first.

But these days I don’t dance and sing anyway, so no need for the confidence boost.

I also got worse at hangovers. That horrendous spinning feeling when you get home is bad enough. But the all day banging head and sick feeling, led to all body aches and shivers like flu whenever I drank even 3-4 glasses of something.

So now I will sometimes share a bottle of Prosecco with friends at the pub. I like how giggly we all get etc but I don’t really feel the need to drink at home.

TheHouseIsOnFire · 16/09/2021 13:03

I should add that my poison is cake and puddings. I don’t want to sound all virtuous with my “I don’t feel the need to drink alcohol” etc as I DO feel the need to treat myself with cake and I imagine the drivers are much the same tbh. It’s a treat/motivator/reward for hard work and a way to feel a little burst of happiness in a dull day.

Inextremis · 16/09/2021 13:06

I used to drink. I used to drink far too much, but I never considered myself to be an alcoholic - I just drank because I was stuck in a flat 24/7 caring for my Dad who had dementia, and there was very little else to do in the evenings when I was missing home and DH.

It's a habit you get into - a way of shutting out the worries and tedium of life. After Dad died, I carried on drinking for a few months, butu hated the way it made me feel - like I was operating at a sub-par level all the time. So, I stopped.

I didn't drink any alcohol at all for 10 months - that was two years ago. Now I have perhaps a bottle of wine once every one or two weeks, when cooking Sunday lunch for friends. I like the taste and the way it goes with the dinner.

Apart from the occasional bottle of wine - I am loving life without booze in it. I sleep so much better, I wake up feeling well, I can remember everything, and I no longer worry that I'm damaging my liver, or heart, or whatever. My skin looks better (no more open pores), and I feel more optimistic about life in general.

To relax, I play video games - always have done, but I'm better at them when I'm sober. I used alcohol as a crutch when going through the 'Dad years' - but now I don't need it, and life is better as a result. I'll still have a few drinks at Christmas, still have my Sunday wine when I'm cooking - but on the whole I prefer life when sober. It just took a while after quitting the nightly drinks to realise how much better I felt.

Anyway, that's my drinking history - everyone is different. I'd never say that you shouldn't have a glass or two every night - that's your decision to make - but unless you have a break from it for a while you'll never know whether you feel better or worse with the wine. Maybe try life without it, then decide?

lovemenot · 16/09/2021 13:24

I love my two ice cold beers every evening!

gunnersgold · 16/09/2021 13:28

I gave up about 3 years ago , was only ever a social drinker but I always drunk too much when out ! I gave up because of the links to dementia in later life .

gunnersgold · 16/09/2021 13:28

The urge went away really quickly tbh and I imagine that's because I went weeks without a drink . The thought of it makes me feel sick now ! Have you tried to give up?

Yesitsbess · 16/09/2021 13:56

Puzzles. I went to my mums for a coffee and left nearly 4 hours later after helping her with a puzzle! Great way of entertaining yourself of an evening.

Cross stitch kits, you can't drink and keep up with the lines.

winniedaisy · 16/09/2021 14:09

I don't drink.
My mum was an alcoholic my whole whole life. Barely functioning during my younger years and she very sadly passed away because of it in November. Regardless of her flaws I miss her terribly.
I would never want to put my girls through that. I don't like the feeling of not being I control or slurring my words even after one drink. Just not worth it. Don't get me wrong, I loved a night out when I was 18+ but the novelty of alcohol has definitely wore off. I think it's a very scary way to deal with the strains of everyday life.

I like to run/walk the dog, have hot baths, watch box set with DH or read to unwind.