Why do you drink? Or why do you not drink?

[Autumnleavesfalling]

Been thinking about this tonight.

I drink too much. The thought of not doing so and letting go of that instant relax worries me.

I don't quite understand why I have chosen this as my coping mechanism. What do other people do at the end of a long day, working, kids all the household stuff etc for that instant 'and breathe ' feeling?

I'm not drinking at the moment because I'm pregnant but in the past I have had many internal battles over my drinking.

I've done the whole binge drinking, partying thing in my youth and often landed myself in embarrassing or dangerous situations. I moved to drinking at home habitually and over lockdown was drinking most nights of the week, I put on a lot of weight then.

Before pregnancy I'd pulled it back to just the weekends but even then I would always wake up feeling groggy and lethargic and just wonder why I bothered. Being pregnant just totally removes the option to drink and I feel quite free. I'm not debating with myself about when or how much I'm going to drink. It's completely off the table so it's not taking up any headspace which is nice. But I do wonder why I can't just be like this all of the time, not just when I'm pregnant.

Alcohol is weird. It's such a massive part of society and social expectations. I can't deny that I enjoy that buzz after a glass of wine but unfortunately I can never just stop there. I think after my baby comes I will seriously have to reevaluate my habits.

I really dislike the taste of alcohol, always have. I've no idea why people get so excited about it! Wine tastes like vinegar to me. I'd much rather have a fruit juice.

I don't drink. I don't like the taste, what it does to people, the horrid feeling the next day (one glass gives me a dehydration headache), I can't drive, too much sugar.... I'll take coffee or water any day. Unfortunately I live in a country where this makes me a freak.

Plus it's ridiculous expensive. H & I spent the money on travel instead.

@Chunkymenrock

I really dislike the taste of alcohol, always have. I've no idea why people get so excited about it! Wine tastes like vinegar to me. I'd much rather have a fruit juice.

We just get used to it. We learn to tolerate the taste. I haven't drunk in 2.5 years and bought a tiny bottle of red to use in cooking the other day. I had a bit left over and poured it away. It smelled awful and I couldn't fathom how I used to drink it.

Spiin I don't really understand why 'because it tastes nice' it not seen as a valuable reason for having a glass or two of wine (not drinking to excess). As unfashionable says - a good wine or beer can really complement and enhance a meal.

We all eat food because we 'like the taste' or we would just eat very plain, nutritious food without worrying about making it 'taste nice'. .

I never get drunk, have a hangover or feel depressed and my mood doesn't change after drinking ... I do it because 'it tastes nice'. I do appreciate that I would lose weight and save money if I cut out my 2-3 bottles of wine a week ....

I don't drink because I drank far too heavily in my teens/20s and it never had good outcomes. When I got pregnant 6 years ago I stopped completely and never really started drinking again.
My 'and relax...' moments come from a cup of camomile tea, sticking a playlist or the TV on, or having a bath/shower.

I went through a period where I knew I was drinking too much. I could also tell my skin was looking a bit crappy.

What I noticed was how much time I would spend thinking about drinking.
I would think during the day how much I couldn't wait to have a drink when I finished work. But then it changed to thinking 'how much can I drink without having a hangover?'

'I'll drink a glass of water between each glass of wine, that should help'.
Or 'I'll stop drinking at 8pm so I don't have a hangover'.
Or when I was out with friends for a meal etc I couldn't even concentrate on what anyone was talking about because I was thinking 'where's the waiter? I need to order a drink'.
Lots more times I'd be thinking about it. It did become a bit of a 'crutch'.

I would hate the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night - around 3/4 am feeling horrible. Headache. Hot. Agitated. Struggling to get back to sleep.

Eventually I derided to do some reading around it which helped.
I have read Catherine Grays The Unexpected Joy of being Sober.
But I book I really resonated with was 'Drinking' by Caroline Knapp.
I've also recently ordered a book by Jason Vale called How to Kick the Drink..Easily.

I drink occasionally now but no where near as much as I did (which was around 5/6 days per week i would have 2/3 glasses of wine - sometimes a shot of something else too) and I don't want to go back to regularly drinking again either. I feel so much better when I don't drink.

I think this is a good thread actually, and it's been good to read everyone's responses.

OP I used to drink almost every night, but it was usually a couple of glasses of wine in the pub after work.

I’m trying really hard not to drink Monday-Thursday. I find cooking something nice once the kids are in bed helps. Keeps me occupied for a bit then n get some tasty food.

I crack occasionally but on the whole doing pretty well.

Why do I drink? Because I like it - as a PP listed there are certain drinks with certain places or people that just fit perfectly into my life.

In ordinary circumstances I don’t use it as a crutch (but I deffo did during each lockdown, but I forgive myself that because bloody hell something had to give).

As I get older I moderate how much I drink to prevent the ill effects (poor sleep, bad skin etc) but I still enjoy it.

Neither I or my dh drink. It's not that I don't like the taste of anything , it's just something I've never got into drinking . We have a bottle of Brandy in the cupboard that gets used to feed the Christmas cake when I've made it , we buy a bottle of Bailey's about once every 2 years , and maybe have a glass at Christmas if visitors want one , but it usually gets chucked out eventually.
We don't go to pubs , probably haven't been in a pub for 7+ years .

I have been teetotal since the age of 5 because I was put off by adults around me. It was one of the very earliest decisions I can remember making for myself. I also knew even then that I would struggle with drinking too much if I ever started. Certainly a high proportion of adults around me did something that wasn't good for them to excess whether drinking, gambling or smoking.

For me relaxing comes from a series of things post work or busy day. First is closing the door leaving work, then travelling back which I enjoy in itself and is a chance to look around when walking, people watch or chat on public transport and listen to the radio in the car. It is then getting changed once home. Getting out of work clothes is wonderful in itself! The evening round of chatting to husband while making tea. The first point of stopping and being able to sit down for tea is also fab. I then just get half an hour of doing a puzzle, reading or watching TV then out to check on animals and go to bed. The evening routine of being outside to sort animals usually brings a nice moment whether it is a moment's pause because it is a full moon or getting back in when it is pouring with rain. Each of those stages relaxes me a little and makes me appreciate the good things.

None of that may ring true for you but there will be other things that give you moments of pleasure every evening.

I always drink when i go to a restaurant, i find it too boring otherwise. I think conversation flows so much better with a bit of alcohol.
It’s either a couple of drinks or share a bottle. If i have more i get a hangover.
But i never drink at home, i don’t see the point. It’s more or a social thing for me rather than ‘aaaand relax’ thing.

I rarely drink. Maybe once per month?

I enjoy the taste of some alcoholic drinks but I prefer them with a special meal or to relax when I’m out of the house. Part of why I don’t allow myself to drink regularly is because I know how relaxed it makes me feel and with all the stress that’s currently going on in my life I would worry about possibly becoming an alcoholic. My mother drinks far too much then is good for her and she turns into a bully after a couple of glasses.

I definitely eat too much. But food does not give me that feeling you describe. I really don't want this to sound smug op but I have made a life where I don't feel really knackered and stressed at the end of the day. Perhaps this is key? Looking at why you're feeling you need to turn to something to give you that feeling.

What is this switch off feeling you talk of? The closest I get is pjs on, into bed, good book and maybe done chocolate. I don't drink really. Occasionally, but my dad was an alcoholic and I feel anxious around alcohol and those who drink. My ex used to say he couldn't wait to pour a gin after work. Said he needed it to relax. Just one of the reasons I ended the relationship. I've never understood the need for alcohol to relax or have fun. It's good you've recognised you have a problem. There's so many functional alcoholics in this country, it's really worrying.

I don't drink - never really been a drinker, mainly due to having DS1 quite young (so missed out on alcohol fuelled nights out in my 20's!), not really liking the taste of most, and quite liking being able to drive at the end of a night.

Now early 40's and not sure I'll ever get into drinking alcohol. I've had the odd half a bottle of fruit cider over the years, but it really doesn't appeal.

To wind down at night I like a bit of chocolate and a hot bath and early night!

I'm 100 days sober after being a daily drinker for several years.

I recognise the feeling of wanting to switch off in the evening. Initially it was difficult in the evening to relax and I had to actively find things to help and replace the alcohol, having long hot baths, going to bed super early with a book, taking up embroidery, practicing yoga and drinking gallons of soda water. However over the last few weeks I've settled into a routine and just naturally relax. Although there have definitely been times I've wanted to press the 'switch off' button they are far fewer are further between.

I think now that I was more stressed because I was drinking. Alcohol was causing more tension which becomes a vicious circle as you then feel the need to drink to feel better again. I'm now finding it easier to cope with day to day life so don't actually need that much downtime at the end of the day. I'm happy sitting on the sofa with Netflix and a cup of tea. I don't miss drinking at all and hope I can stay sober.

I would definitely recommend quit lit to anyone who is sober curious. Alcohol Explained by William Porter really hit a chord with me.

I choose not to drink unless socially with others as I have a history of functioning alcoholics in the family.

I would love nothing better than a nice drink after a stressful day, but I have seen first hand how that becomes a slippery slope. Both my parents drank a lot. Easily anything from 1-2 bottles of wine a night and more weekends plus other alcohol

I don't drink, there's no alcoholic drink that I particularly like. I would much rather a Pepsi or similar, or something nice to eat.
There's lots of suggestions on here for unwinding: Hot bath, good tv programme, good book, yoga. YouTube is full of videos on how to learn new things. You need to hit on something that works for you.

I rarely drink alcohol, I don't like the taste, I'd sooner have a hot drink (tea or hot chocolate in the evening).

@Autumnleavesfalling

Been thinking about this tonight.

I drink too much. The thought of not doing so and letting go of that instant relax worries me.

I don't quite understand why I have chosen this as my coping mechanism. What do other people do at the end of a long day, working, kids all the household stuff etc for that instant 'and breathe ' feeling?

I do not really tend to feel a need for a "and breathe" feeling, but then I am one of those people, I am between work projects (the new one starts next week) and I actually hate not having enough to do. When I do have work I still do not feel the need for that feeling, I just get stuff done, have dinner with my husband if we have not eaten earlier with the children. I might then sit down, watch something together on Netflix, catch up on a bit of work, read etc.

We only drink socially, when out with friends, from the start of lockdown last year we did not drink until we went out for a meal together in August and the only times we drink at home is when we have friends and/or family around, despite there being plenty of alcohol in the house.

If the thought of not drinking worries you, then I think it might be worth chatting to your GP, it does seem like it could be indicative of a wider issue, possibly some kind of anxiety.

These threads are a bit odd, anything more than one sip of alcohol means you should be worried about being reliant on alcohol.

It's fine to say you don't like the taste, but everyone has different tastes. Personally I love a glass of really good quality wine, I can't afford the good stuff (and I'm dieting) so choose not to drink.

The guilt is being laid on thick here. A glass of wine IS relaxing and people shouldn't be shamed for it.

I no longer drink, I used to, actually still do love wine however after a recent cardiac incident & subsequent medication I no longer drink. I honestly don't miss it anywhere near as I thought I would.

I love the taste but no longer enjoy how more than a couple of drinks makes me feel. The last time I drank 3 glasses of wine it gave me heart palpitations and feel really anxious which is no fun at all.

I definitely drank too much in my teens and twenties as a coping mechanism for stuff going on in my life/self-medicating for my MH. I've decided to cut it out altogether from the usual 3-4 drinks I have a week until Christmas as I've been having some gastro problems to see if it helps. The idea of not drinking for 3 months would have been unfathomable to me a few years ago but I feel ok about it now.

I don't drink because I hate the taste. To relax, I walk or cook/bake or sew or just hang out in front of the TV with DH. I don't understand why people need alcohol to relax.